The Legendary Maids

“We’re not heroes. We’re not staff. We’re the reason the walls are still standing—and if you’ve got a problem with that, I’ve got a mug with your name on it.”

— Freya Ironfist

To the untrained eye, the Legendary Maids appear to be little more than the rowdiest collection of barmaids ever employed under one roof. They keep the drinks flowing, the taproom under control, and the occasional interdimensional brawl from escalating into full-scale war.

But to those who understand the strange and shifting nature of The Last Home, the truth is far more alarming. These women are not just barmaids; they are Lars’ personal strike team, a disaster-prone adventuring company masquerading as tavern staff, and an unstoppable force of loyalty, violence, and well-placed sarcasm.

They do not operate under contracts, nor do they follow any recognised chain of command. They do not answer to any noble house, mercenary guild, or external power. They answer to Lars, and even that is debatable. They are The Last Home’s first and final line of defence, and when all of them are involved in the same mission, the multiverse tends to brace for impact.

The Women Behind the Mayhem

Every member of the Legendary Maids is a contradiction—a hardened warrior in an elegant uniform, an enforcer with a serving tray, a battle-ready agent of chaos pretending to be an ordinary member of tavern staff. Each one has their own past, their own skills, and their own highly questionable moral compass, but together, they form an unbreakable unit.

Freya Ironfist

Once a gladiator feared in arenas across the realms, Freya traded a life of bloodsport for bartending—only to realise that the two professions were alarmingly similar. Though she insists she is retired, she still resolves conflicts the way she always has: with her fists. She is gruff, perpetually scowling, and violently embarrassed whenever someone praises her baking skills, which she will deny to the grave. If she’s throwing a mug at your head, it means she likes you.

Lilith "Lily" Bloodpetal

Lilith exudes an aura of unsettling charm, equal parts seduction and veiled threat. She was once an assassin of considerable skill—until she arrived at The Last Home and discovered that, for some reason, she physically could not stab Lars. Rather than be frustrated, she became fascinated, and she has remained in the Inn ever since. Her presence lingers in the corner of the room like a whispered secret, and no one who offends her remains comfortable for long.

Marie "Mouse" Merriwind

At first glance, Marie seems small, nervous, and entirely unthreatening. This is a lie. She is a master thief, an expert infiltrator, and the reason why several noble houses still keep looking for missing heirlooms they will never find. She moves silently, disappears when necessary, and has never once been caught stealing—unless, of course, she wanted to be.

Rika Thunderale

Rika is what happens when a half-oni decides that the best solution to every problem is immediate and excessive violence. A towering, muscular force of nature, she thrives on drinking contests, bar brawls, and generally finding excuses to hit things. She laughs in the face of danger, mostly because she’s already planning to throw it through a wall. She once suplexed a kraken, and the incident is still never spoken of.

Carmella "Cami" Ravenshroud

Carmella Ravenshroud is a celestial exile who refuses to acknowledge that she holds no real authority within The Last Home. She demands to be treated as nobility, speaks in grand proclamations, and expects absolute devotion—none of which has ever been granted, yet none of which she believes could possibly be denied. She considers Lars her “loyal steward” (he does not respond to this), and she has declared the barmaids to be her “royal court-in-exile” (they pretend not to hear her).

Sylvelle "Sylvie" Starfall

Sylvie is a creature of effortless charm and unknowable depth, forever wrapped in silk, secrets, and playful mischief. Their presence is captivating, yet impossible to pin down; their every action dances between carefully planned intent and sheer whimsy. They have walked into royal palaces without invitation, emerged from trials they never should have won, and remain the only known individual to have accidentally married someone without remembering the wedding.

More Than Just a Uniform

To the casual observer, the Legendary Maids’ uniforms look like classic tavern maid attire—elegant, structured, and immaculately pressed. To those who know better, they are battle gear disguised as finery.

Every uniform is tailored for combat, reinforced with hidden armour plating and weapon compartments. Enchantments ensure they never stain, tear, or wear out—a necessity given Rika’s tendency to start fights that escalate beyond reason.

Though the core design remains the same, each Maid’s uniform is customised to fit her needs. Freya’s is reinforced with dwarven battle-plate, Lilith’s is stitched with concealed blades, Marie’s has more hidden pockets than physics should allow, and Carmella's, of course, has a cape.

What few realise is that each uniform also contains a series of magical limiters—silent enchantments woven into the seams to keep the Maids from unleashing their full power unless absolutely necessary. The Last Home has enough problems without all of them cutting loose at once.

These limiters are rarely spoken of. Most of the time, they hum quietly in the background, keeping things safe. But in emergencies—or on particularly bad days—Lars can override them with a single phrase:

“Limiters off.”

He says it like someone who already regrets it.

No one enjoys what happens next. Except maybe Rika.

And possibly Sylvie, but she enjoys everything she shouldn’t.

The Legendary Holidays: A Multiversal Catastrophe

Once a year, the Legendary Maids take what they optimistically refer to as a "Holiday"—an event that every other faction in existence has come to fear. Wherever they go, disaster follows.

Some of their most infamous excursions include:

"The Kraken Incident" – Also known as The Beach Episode, this ill-fated trip resulted in the permanent alteration of a legendary sea creature. The Maids no longer discuss what happened. Sylvie enjoyed it too much. Lars still refuses to speak of it.

"The Great Minotaur Wrestling Championship" – Rika entered the tournament for fun. The tournament has never been held again.

"The Fey Court Brawl" – Marie’s past caught up with her. So did several angry Fey Lords. The diplomatic fallout has yet to be fully resolved.

"Sylvie’s Mysterious Wedding" – Sylvie remains married to this day. No one knows to whom. Not even Sylvie.

"The Vampire Lord’s Proposal" – Carmella insists she was proposed to. The vampire lord in question insists otherwise. The truth remains uncertain.

Lars never asks what happened. He simply pours them all drinks, sighs, and waits for the damage reports to arrive.

Final Thought

The Legendary Maids are not an official organisation. They do not follow traditional laws, nor do they abide by the expectations of polite society. They exist in a strange and unpredictable space between absolute professionalism and complete chaos, where problems are either solved immediately or escalated to an unreasonable degree for the sake of entertainment.

They are the first and last defence of The Last Home.

They are Lars’ greatest headache and most reliable enforcers.

They are a force of chaos held together by loyalty, absurdity, and a shared understanding that nothing in the multiverse can stand against them for long.

And if you ever find yourself on the wrong side of their patience?

Run.