A Welcome of Dubious Sincerity

“This is The Last Home. It moves when it wants, keeps who it chooses, and doesn’t explain itself. You’ll be safe here—if you follow the rules.”

“This is The Last Home. It moves when it wants, keeps who it chooses, and doesn’t explain itself. You’ll be safe here—if you follow the rules.”

— Freya, Head of the Maids (and not your babysitter)

Lars said this needed writing. He didn’t say how nicely.

So here it is.

The Last Home isn’t a kingdom. It isn’t a world. It isn’t even a building that obeys geometry half the time. It’s an inn—one that drifts through the Infinite Elsewhere, shows up where it shouldn’t, and remembers things it shouldn’t be able to.

People don’t find it by accident. Not really.
Even if they’re drunk. Or lost. Or bleeding. Or all three.

If you’re here, it’s because the Inn let you in. That means something.
Don’t ask what. I don’t know. I just work here.

What This Book Actually Is

This is your starting point.

Inside, you’ll find what you need to survive your stay—assuming you read it, which you won’t, and follow the rules, which you’ll probably break. But you’ll learn. Or you won’t. Either way, it’s not my problem until it becomes my problem.

This book covers:

• The staff (some of us smile; it’s a trap),
• The rooms (don’t open anything that wasn’t open yesterday),
• The rules (don’t test them),
• And the general truth of existing somewhere that occasionally leaks metaphysics into the soup.

You’ll also find something about Patrons—that’s what we call the regulars. People who stay. People the Inn doesn’t let go of. If you’ve been handed this book, congratulations. You’re probably one of them now.

What The Last Home Actually Is

This setting is built for tabletop games.
You can use it for one-shots, campaigns, or whatever’s happening in Room 7. (Don’t ask.)

It’s designed for:

• Drop-in chaos
• Story-heavy exploration
• People who make terrible decisions with excellent roleplay

The Inn is your constant. The rest of the multiverse? That’s where the trouble happens.

Who This Is For

You’re a player. Or a DM. Or someone who opened the wrong door and got stuck reading this.

This book is for people who love:

• Found family, bitter tea, and talking furniture
• Gods with bar tabs and devils with day jobs
• Stories that wander but still mean something when they land

It’s for the ones who stay.

Last Thing

You’ll find the rest of the guide in the pages ahead. The Staff. The Rooms. The Garden.
The Maids, obviously. You’ll hear about them. Probably from me.

Don’t run. Don’t lie. Don’t touch the sword behind the bar.

And whatever you do…
Don’t make me repeat myself.

Contents

Settling In

The Inn

The Garden

The Staff

The Maids

The Patrons

Advice From A Maid

"Ah, your first week within these hallowed, hopeless walls? Then heed my words well, dear fledgling, for the Pattern is cruel, and fate adores irony. Trust nothing—except that everything here seeks either your ruin, your heart, or your recipe for soup. The Maids? Yes, they bite. The furniture shifts when unobserved. And should your room begin to move of its own accord, do not scream—compose yourself into a tableau of tragic elegance and become the décor. You must suffer beautifully, or not at all."

—Carmella Ravenshroud

Written by Freya Ironfist
Head of the Maids, Not Your Friend (Yet)