B.O.E.R.Fs - Body Operation Energy Refuel Foods

For Emergency Consumption Only

Body Operation Energy Refuel Foods, or B.O.E.R.Fs as they are more commonly referred to, is a food brand and product created and sold by B.O.E.R.Fs Inc. They are designed with the express purpose of feeding and sustaining travellers that are on long-distance hauls efficiently and with maximum nutritional value. These food items, primarily, the B.O.E.R.F's food block, brick, and bar are all designed to be nearly non-perishable, withstand and deflect most forms of disease and rot, and deliver enough nutritional and caloric energy to keep any carbon-based life form going strong.
These blocks of heavily processed foods are rather notorious, as while they work wonders from a nutritional sense they are absolutely horrid in all other ways. They are unappealing in appearance, usually coming in various square or rectangular sizes of greyish-green coloured material, which is often described texturally as a chalky and soap-like condensed matter. B.O.E.R.Fs are also unappetizing in smell, giving off a mud or clay-like odour, with the effect becoming even worse if the food becomes wet. Which also has the effect of turning it into an almost unpalatable paste, that could likely be used alternatively as a construction mortar.
The taste of a B.O.E.R.Fs block is hard to describe but can be best expressed as wet hay that has been steeped in stale pea protein water. The only way to make this food even somewhat edible is to heavily spice it and add it to other meals so that you are not having to ingest the foul material by its lonesome. Cooking it does compromise its nutritional effectiveness somewhat, but it still helps elongate the stores of more palatable food and makes the B.O.E.R.Fs easier to consume.  
No one outside of B.O.E.R.Fs Inc. knows what B.O.E.R.Fs products are made of.

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Recipe for B.O.E.R.Fs Stew

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Ingredients

2 tablespoons of available food lubricant or oil
1 pound B.O.E.R.Fs, cut into whatever size you can withstand consuming
1/4 teaspoon salt (preferably comet salt)
4 cups assorted cubed root vegetables (either fresh or flash-frozen)
14oz low sodium B.O.E.R.Fs broth (NEW! From B.O.E.R.Fs Inc.)
8 oz each condensed tomato slurry (or slop, if slurry is unavailable)

Directions

Stage One
Add half of chosen food lubricant to a large pot over a medium-high heat source, if using engine coils use the lowest setting.
Add B.O.E.R.F and "brown" on all sides, remove from skilled when the smell becomes unbearable and keep in a safe location.
Stage Two
Add the remaining food lubricant to the large pot, and cook until desired tenderness is achieved.
Carefully retrieve B.O.E.R.F and fight your instincts not to jettison it from your craft.
Return to large pot once crying subsides.
Add B.O.E.R.Fs broth and boil until your eyes being to water.
Stage Three
Stir in tomato slurry (or slop), shielding eyes if necessary.
Simmer for three hours or until the bubbles no longer smell sour. Stir occasionally.
Season to hide taste and serve.

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"Sailors" Breaking B.O.E.R.Fs Ritual

As a sign of comradery and support in tough times, it has become a ritual for long-haul traders to "break B.O.E.R.Fs" together. Which involves each participant to take a small chunk of uncooked and unspiced B.O.E.R.F and eating it, willingly. If the individuals eating the B.O.E.R.F doesn't throw up or retch violently it is considered a sign of good luck!
Regardless, it is also a sign that things could be much worse than they currently are. As even if the B.O.E.R.F is used, it will be spiced, and cooked as part of a recipe to lessen its vile taste. Because remember, the food may be bad, but the B.O.E.R.F could be much worse.