Mellsday, 19th of Shadow 211 EoL
Dear Diary,
since yesterday evening I feel some kind of relief. For the first time in days, I slept like a baby, and this morning I was even a bit hungry
Tonight a very weird thing happened. I had a strange dream, although I don't think that it was a dream, it was more, it was real. There was a huge tree, no leaves on it, but lots and lots of ravens. And then I heard the Raven Queen talk to me. She told me, that I was like one of her lost souls, that I seemed not to have a purpose in my life anymore, and then she offered me a job. I should kill those, who are already dead but keep themselves alive with necromancer magic, so basically the undead. It sounds very interesting. She is right, once we are done on this island, I have no job, and I need something to do. It sounds like traveling and like adventure, so the parts I liked about the Gatekeepers.
I had some hours to think about the offer. I knew I had to make that decision by myself because if my father is the worst, he was right in one thing: it is easy to blame all my decisions on someone else. So this decision I had to make it without asking my parents, my brother, or my boyfriend, to emancipate myself. And I mean, there is a goddess, that chose me, so how could I say no?
The Raven Queen guaranteed me that I could lead a normal life besides her job, settling down, getting married, have children, have a normal job, and so on. Also, I asked to have one of her Ravens. When I was ready to accept the offer, I saw that Shirel was telling
Drake that something was going on so I had to be quick before he could interrupt us. In addition to my raven Poe, I got a cool looking bow.
Drake was furious, Shirel was... I don't know... impressed? And I think that
Trip was kind of proud. But that's the way it is now, I guess.
We ended up in an exact copy of the tower, where some of the wolves had died in their second encounter with the dragon. And there were
Mini, who is a lost soul now and sat there crying, Cap and
Tiny, who were some kind of statues. It was a bizarre scene to watch. I felt terrible for Saldri and Drake, who were desperate to help their friends, but just couldn't. We couldn't stay, we had to go on, we have so little time left, I think it broke their heart in some way even more.
We then left Tul Terion and turned up in the ruins of the same tower back on the island. We saw that the dome had changed its color, it has darkened a lot. Saldri then contacted
Birdy , who told us that
Diernum had fallen and that
Adanum was in chaos. We decided to go to Adanum to check the magic shop to be better prepared for our encounter with the dragon. So Trip and Saldri polymorphed into giant eagles and I polymorphed myself into a raven because I can. Then Trip put up his hut so that we could rest. He's really trying, I can see that. But, most of the others don't see him for what he is. They see how his powers can be useful in the fight but that's all... I'm glad I asked Shirel to talk to him, to make him feel more appreciated, but I'm not sure Trip got the message.
I then asked Drake if we could talk about what had happened to me, about my encounter with the Raven Queen. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn't understand. He got so angry. He shouted at me, in a way, only my father has ever done before. He thinks that I have given up on our plans, on us, on him. Which is just not true. He said things, that make me sure he wants to break up with me, but doesn't say it out loud. He told me: "I don't seem to know you anymore, maybe I never knew you at all" And when I told him, that I loved him, he said: "I know"... what does that even mean?
Then he asked Shirel and Saldri to join us because he thinks that I made a deal with a devil and not a god. He doesn't know better, I know that it's not his fault. Also, he had to see his dead friends today. But, I'm still disappointed, that he doesn't trust me. I let them do whatever magic they wanted to me, to prove to them I had really talked to the Raven Queen and that it wasn't something bad. Saldri and Shirel were on my side, but they could only rule out a devil, not prove that my bow or Poe came from the Raven Queen.
Afterward, we were attacked by the dragon, who came out of nowhere. Luckily we were safe under Trip's hut. Somehow we decided not to really fight the dragon, but to wait for him to go away. We quickly realized that Saldri was under his command, but Trip saved her. After some time, the dragon did leave us alone but gave us an ultimatum of three days: we should meet and fight it in his lair, or he would kill Birdy. We had no choice but to accept that ultimatum, but I know that Trip thinks the same way that I do: we will have a very big disadvantage in fighting it on its territory. Also who guarantees us that it will keep its part of the deal and keep Birdy alive? Of course, our opinion does not matter here.
Now I sit here, all alone by the fire. Getting no answer from the Raven Queen on how to convince them that I really talked to her. Being afraid that my relationship is over. Writing my diary. I'm really sad right now.
Love, BB
Ansday, 20th of Shadow 211 EoL
Dear Diary,
I decided to keep quiet today, to follow the instructions, to show Drake that I can still follow this mission, even if I'm now engaged with the Raven Queen. All-day long I've been thinking about something to say to him to save our relationship, to show him that I still want everything we've been planning for the upcoming weeks and months, but nothing came to my mind... I said all I had to say yesterday, and what good has it done?
Today began with Saldri scrying on the magic shop in Adanum, the results made us continue our way there over. We were stopped immediately before we could enter the city by some woman, that Drake seemed to know and trust somehow. She told us that the situation was bad. That somebody controlled parts of the city, and that some people were dead... so many names, that I never heard before were dropped... I still have no idea what's going on in Adanum, but I think it's bad, at least for the wolves. She also told us, that every twelve hours there is a pulse going over the island, that lots of people can't resist and so fall under the control of the dragon. Mostly one can make one's own decisions, but every now and then the dragon commands you against your will. Oh boy, will that come in handy in the fight against us on its territory...
Saldri "healed" the woman from the control and Drake asked her for a distraction so that we could go into the magic shop without being spotted. We entered, even though there was a huge rune on the front door, and took everything we could get our fingers on. Once we looted everything relevant, Drake ordered us to come out and get going. Ironically, the only ones following his orders were Trip and me, who are not wolves and who actually would not need to obey him. I remained in front of the shop, to keep watch. They called Trip in to open some door. Drake and I waited for what felt like hours without talking. I did not understand that situation, I thought the most important thing was to get to the dragon as quickly as possible so that we could save Birdy... why did we then spend such a long time there for what seemed to be a pointless conversation with the owner of the shop, who in some way betrayed us, but which seems like a secondary problem at this time.
Finally, we continued flying towards the lair of the dragon. Drake, Yelena, and I flew with Saldri, Trip flew at half speed, which left us time. Yelena set up camp, Saldri identified the looted goods, and Drake came over to me to talk. It was a tough conversation. He suggested a break since it seemed that we wanted different things right now. I couldn't understand why. To me, it seemed that we want the same thing. I know I have changed due to what has happened to me in the last few days and I know that I have not really been a girlfriend to Drake this last time. I'm sorry about that, but my feelings for him have not changed, I still love him, probably more than ever, so I couldn't bear the idea of a break. I started crying. And we finally saw that we both want the same: being together. We came through, we hugged it out and shared a kiss, the first one for nearly two weeks. It felt so right! I start to have hope again.
The evening was quiet, we started dividing the magic items and discussed some tactics. I think, that we are all very nervous about tomorrow and are all very well aware that death is a very likely outcome for every single one of us.
Now that I'm writing this I just finished a watch with Yelena. We did not want to talk about the dragon, so we decided to share our darkest moments with each other. Not the best idea in hindsight... Yelena did not have a glamorous life, she ran away from her father and lived a life as a small criminal in Sedem Lux. She was then put into prison, where she had to suffer unspeakable pain, which totally explains her strong reaction when we were put in prison in Adanum. She found hope in the love of her life Layla, whom she met in prison. They managed to break out and live a rather happy life together until they were ambushed and Layla died in Yelena's arms. Her life has been unbelievably cruel! I feel so very sorry for her. She always tries to be strong, but inside, she's still suffering.
I then brought myself to tell her, why I had such strong resentment against Shirel. I told her, that I was left pregnant and that I was so ashamed. TT stood by me while I took
Lover's Regret. And even more details... This conversation did not turn out the way I thought. Yelena still defends Shirel. Can't she see how much this is hurting me? How she is betraying me by that? It was probably wrong to tell her all of that.
Maybe these will be the last lines that I'll write to you, and I don't want them to be filled with disappointment. So I'll end up on hope, hope that we might beat the dragon, hope that we even may survive that fight, hope that each one of us will find happiness in the future. I'm afraid, but I know that we all need to be strong and give our best. We need to put our differences, our disputes aside for one day and fight together because our lives and those of lots of people depend on that. Let's not lose that hope!
Love, BB <3
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