Expedition Report - Sei

Ice, Blood, and the Unknown

Expedition Report - Sei was a report on the events of the Sei Expedition. The Republic of Taisas had organized the expedition to gather information about the Sei Tribe, who the Taisari concidered a threat to their fishing colony, Upēsis. The operation was conducted by the Taisari Army and led by Ag. Valmar Teidke. The report was written on a BeLati Arctic 4 Pro Tablet by Kt. Freidiks Ulum.

Objectives

  The main objective of Ag. Teidke's squad was to locate a settlement of the Sei Tribe, preferably their main base of operations, and to make a detailed map of their defences. The Taisari speculated that their main settlement had to be next to the river since they relied on the fish.   The secondary objective was to gather information about the unknown territory and to ensure a safe route for future travel, whether for the republic's armed forces or their merchants.
 

Legacy

Despite their losses, the Taisari Defense Force considered the mission a success. With the help of the report, they launched a successful attack against the outpost and eliminated the defensive fortifications by using their air supremacy and following up with the infantry.   The senior officers remained sceptical about the unknown lifeforms that the report had mentioned, but they erred on the side of caution and established a few watchtowers near the forest. After the attack, the report was archived in Gale.
 

Public Reception

After Freidiks Ulum had returned from the expedition, folks around Upēsis started wondering about what had happened to him and those who had died. The military had to keep many of the details a secret, so they couldn't tell the truth about the unknown lifeform that Ulum had encountered. They fabricated a tale that made Freidiks Ulum into a hero in the eyes of the colonists. To the military, he was still just a normal soldier, one who had done his duty and brought back valuable information, but a soldier nonetheless.
Type
Report, Intelligence
Medium
Digital Recording, Text

Expeditionaries

Ag. Valmar Teidke ( Leader )
Vkt. Artios G. Palmanis
Kt. Freidiks Ulum
Kt. Karlia H. Valinn
   
Hesi Blues
Myth | Dec 11, 2019

The Hesi Blues is what the people of Upēsis call the murder of Kt. Ulums, a soldier who had been the sole survivor of a dangerous expedition.


Cover image: Fog Forest Dark Gloomy by LUM3N

Comments

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23 May, 2019 22:39

I loved it! It's late and I've got to sleep, so this is a quick run-down of what I liked:

  • The subtitle, so original (just kidding, I know it's a placeholder. Not really sure what could you put there; depends on the flair you want to give it or how you have made other subtitles in the world).
  • I like the contrast between the document and the explanation. You can clearly feel two voices, and I love that. Not only that, but also how the explanation mentions that it was successful and so on while the document is much more realistic.
  • And the document itself, very well written IMO. I enjoyed the contrast between the "frightening presence" of this "lifeform" and the beauty of the forest.
  • Great job! #SaveTheHat

    Creator of Black Light, a science-fantasy universe.
    25 May, 2019 10:15

    Thank you for the feedback Ondo! It's always nice to know what I did well as opposed to all the stuff I messed up :D #SaveTheHat

    Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

    Maker or Maps
    23 May, 2019 22:53

    Ooo more spooky entrants to the challenge! I like it.   I'm happy to see the mission was a success, or at least, "deemed" a success by the army. Reading through the log I thought everyone was going to die in the end haha.   I noticed a couple tiny things though, on this portion here "Palmanis and I still have faith in our commander, even if that faith is slowly crumbling and falling apart." I think it might be better to use just one action at the end. Might just be my opinion, but I think it reads better if the faith is slowly crumbling. Or if the faith is slowly falling apart. Crumbling and falling apart at the same time is a bit over-descriptive.   Then just a super minor thing, it might help add a tiny bit of clarity to "16.08.20 - Kt. Freidiks Ulum" by adding a longer pause in the middle of it, more page breaks or something. Or some way of being able to easily tell that the entry was paused mid day, and finished later on. (if that's what happened. I think that's what happened?)   Anyways, great job! Glad to see more spooky articles in this challenge.

    Cathedris, the world of God-Husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
    25 May, 2019 10:18

    Thank you for all the feedback! I added a dashed line in the parts where the log was paused in the middle of the day and then continued later. Hopefully that helps make things a bit more clear.

    Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

    Maker or Maps
    23 May, 2019 22:55

    Very well done! I like how you built the tension in the document tab! I like how you have the ranks on the side! Nice touch! "prefferably" preferably "The army believes that these primitive natives possess a threat" Pose? "construction of additional pylons." (sunglasses emoji) "It's a few hours past noon right now, and we're resting our legs and heating ourselves in another building right now." Find a way to omit one 'now'?

    25 May, 2019 10:28

    Thank you for the feedback and for finding my little mistakes! :3

    Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

    Maker or Maps
    24 May, 2019 00:20

    Before all else, I especially love that you've connected this to your Colony Challenge entry, Upésis! I thoroughly enjoyed that article and to see its story expanded was a treat. A nice feeling of familiarity as I began to read this article.   The Objectives & Legacy segments make nice prefaces before reading the bulk of the logs. The tone of the logs is what I found very interesting. First optimistic before turning quickly to a precarious situation and that disaster could be at hand. However, the quick tone shifted back towards the situation being "better" serves to make the next more gradual descent of the logs all the more satisfying. From the week old blood stains not prompting anyone to suggest to turn back, then separation, paranoia and the clinch aspect of the creature being unseen, unknown. That primal fear is relayed in the logs. I find it satisfying that you allowed Ulum to survive the ordeal. Allowing him to post-situation explain the chaos that ensued. One going missing, one simply ended by a gunshot to the head, and the captain's death being the MOST eerie. No sound, no scream, no gunshot. It implies an unnatural thing having occurred as well as feeding into that fear of the unknown.   Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading the logs! The shifts of the tone keeping me engaged & invested. Great work!

    25 May, 2019 10:50

    Thank you for the feedback and the kind words! :3

    Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

    Maker or Maps
    26 May, 2019 11:05

    Chaaaaaainsaw!   ;)  

    Expedition Report - Sei was Kotis Freidiks Ulum's report on the events of the Sei Expedition that the Republic of Taisas had organized in an attempt to gather more information about the Sei Tribe who posed a threat to their colony, Upésis.[quote]   Most of the first paragraph consists of this single sentence, which feels a little long. You could consider splitting it in two, with some minor rewriting to each part. :)   [quote]The main objective of Agési Teidke's squad was to locate a settlement of the Sei Tribe, preferably their main base of operations, and to make a detailed map of their defences.
      Was the objective to find any settlement at all? Why not more specific than that?  
    The secondary objective was to gather information about the previously unknown territory and to ensure a safe route for future travel, whether for the republic's armed forces, their merchants, or something else entirely.
      "or something else entirely" is kind of vague and doesn't really add anything. It's already a kind of long sentence, so I would consider either cutting the last bit or at least focus it. :)   In general, I like this part a lot but most sentences in it err on the long-ish side. If you're happy with the style, go for it! But it is something to keep an eye on. :)   Onto the logs!  
    The army believes that these primitive natives pose a threat to us and our main source of food.
      Is there a reason you use "main source of food" instead of something like.. "Farms"? :)   In general, it's better to be specific.  
    Ag. Valmar Teidke, commander of the expedition, has managed to provide me with the Arc4 that I'm currently writing on, and for transportation, we have two snowmobiles.
      To prevent comma overload, I'd consider putting the transportation bit in its own sentence. :)  
    We left Upésis early in the morning, and now we are setting up camp next to a cliff that will hopefully keep us safe from the freezing wind.
      You could probably nuke that comma: in general, I'm noticing a general use of commas after "and" where I wouldn't normally expect one. Again, if it is a style choice, ignore this :D  
    Vkt. Palmanis and I still have faith in our commander, even if that faith is slowly crumbling apart.
      This feels like a weird way to say it - more telling than showing. It might read more natural if they wrote something about how they were beginning to doubt the way things were going or show somehow that they are beginning to become unsure about the whole venture.  
    We're keeping ourselves warm by burning up branches
      "burning branches" sounds more correct? :)  
    It's a few hours past noon, and we're resting our legs and heating ourselves in another building right now.
      It might read more naturally with just "we are resting", and warming instead of "heating"   All in all, it's a great article! Lots of nitpicking, but good stuff :D


    Creator of Araea, Megacorpolis, and many others.   Current challenge article: Corporate Mascot Costumes!
    28 May, 2019 12:17

    Thank you for the feedback mighty Supreme Cookie of the Lodge! I did some changes. Hopefully things are a bit better now.

    Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

    Maker or Maps
    28 May, 2019 20:58

    I love the content, but I gotta say the CSS might be a bit distracting... the high contrast between the near-black and the white is really hard on the eyes. I'd tone it down to

    #eeeeee
    or something like that (I'd go down to
    #f0f0f0
    ) at least.

    28 May, 2019 22:15

    Thanks for mentioning that! I had to quickly slap something together for the document content CSS since I went completely themeless with this world so all CSS feedback is great. Hopefully it's better now.

    Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

    Maker or Maps
    28 May, 2019 22:27

    yep, great job!

    30 May, 2019 12:17

    Hey Dhel! Great article, I liked the voice of the Kotis in the document proper, has a very natural feel to his words (I also love the fact you made your own ranks for this army!)   I like th fact that the fate of most of the other's is a bit of a mystery, overall the text has great atmosphere.   I don't know if the "construct additional pylons" reference was on purpose but I chuckled :D   One thing that puzzled me a bit was that the spacefaring civilization needs to rely on four foot soldiers doing this expedition. Maybe a short explanation of why they couldn't fly a craft there would be interesting.   In one place you have the phrase "crumbling apart" - If I understand correctly (my English isn't perfect) it should be either "crumbling" or "falling apart".   Great article!

    30 May, 2019 16:08

    Thank you for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed the article! The pylon reference was intentional :D

    I still don't have an introduction article for this world, but the reason why they relied on a small group of soldiers, was because the world is set after an apocalyptic war that lasted for centuries and regressed the technological advancement. The setting takes place during a time when people are starting to recover and rediscover lost technologies. While those 4 soldiers were on their expedition, their people back home were getting ready to send their first ship into space. You can read more about that here in this article   As the article mentioned the army had an air force, but since it was tiny and incredibly valuable. They wanted to make sure that there weren't hidden anti-air guns. If I'll remember, I will add all of that information to the article after the challenge.   Thank you for asking about that!

    Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

    Maker or Maps
    7 Jun, 2019 02:42

    Uh oh, sounds like there is a monster in the woods here. Dangerous stuff! But in all seriousness, I liked the concept of the military scouting party and the discovery of some potential hostile beast.   Spooky, mysterious, great job Dhelian!


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    yeslittlehummingbird-deleted
    Anna Elizabeth Boyett
    19 Jun, 2019 03:59

    Hi, love! We Enchanters would absolutely love to feature this article in one of our community's daily features! Unfortunately it appears you've neglected to credit some of your artists.   If you could, we'd love to have you credit them! And if / when you've corrected this issue, please respond to this comment to let us know- that way we can show your article off to the lovely users in our community   For more information about our feature requirements, please see our codex entry:

    How to have your article featured
    Generic article | Sep 14, 2020

    19 Jun, 2019 17:14

    The stock image that I used has now been credited.

    Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

    Maker or Maps
    yeslittlehummingbird-deleted
    Anna Elizabeth Boyett
    19 Jun, 2019 22:06

    Thank you so much, love! We really appreciate it <3 I'll update your case in the enchanter's log immediately!

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