A.S.S.: The Flowered Tower

General Summary

Wherein a tower holds secrets of transmutation

The Job Offer

Following up on their last job (A.S.S.: Voyage of the Trash Boat), Messelum has returned with another job for the Arboreal Security Service: seek out this Ignoz the Flowered individual on his island down The Dog Coast, see why he has been interfering in the voyages of the Scumrunners, and stop this inference by any means necessary. If they can get Ignoz to cease his activities, they will receive 200 gold pieces. If they can figure out why he is doing this, they'll get an additional 100 gold. A nice payday for a bit of work! Too bad that work involves heading to the lair of a presumably evil wizard.
Sailing them to this mission was a previous acquaintance--Captain Coppermuck, formerly of many ships (including the Penitent), and now--albeit temporarily--of the Implacable. She was more than happy to give her fellow Scumrunners a ride to whatever mysterious undertaking they've currently got going on. 
On the way there, our mighty crew was beset by three griffons, seeming to have suffered the effects of The Displacement. It was a bloody fight, but the Arbos emerged victorious. Aletide and the Colonel partnered up to incapacitate a griffon and use the Colonel's animal abilities to figure out just why it attacked them. Confusion as to its current environment, which is a whole other plane of existence, and hunger seemed to be the root cause. They decided not to kill the griffon for the moment, and fed it some rations to keep it appeased. Coppermuck seemed uneasy with this arrangement. Oh well. Time to take the rowboat to the island. Good luck with the angry griffon, Captain!

The Tower

The Flowered Tower was just that--a tower emerging out of the rocky crags of a previously uninhabited island. In fact, the whole tower seemed to have sprung up over the course of a year, which is quite surprising given the extent of its construction. This proved to be the first hint that this tower was, in fact, Magic AF.
Despite their propensity towards violence as a means of problem solving, Sir Courtois insisted on knocking on every door of Ignoz's estate, including the first. Hearing no answer, the party entered the tower and discovered that the first floor was relatively mundane. Several books lay about, but, given that they were written in abyssal, it was difficult to discern anything more than that these were probably extensive research notes. 
Further venturing revealed a kitchen--that, like the rest of the tower, seemed both simultaneously new and old, fresh and rotten--and some hungry ghouls that attacked them. These were overcome. Another room featured both several animal trophies adorning the walls. And a suit of animated armor that attacked Kavra when she leaned in for a closer look. It did a pretty big number on her midsection, rendering her claim of "I never get hit!" now null and void.
The strangest room, however, had to be the dining room. Seated at the table, surrounded by putrefying meat, was a world-weary knight named Volgrun Whisperhard, of the famous Whisperhard family (that none of the Arbos had ever heard of). He invited his guests to join in his repast, but they all wisely said no thanks. Questioning this gentlemen revealed him to be a little out of his head. He had no straight answers as to how long he had been here--although, apparently long enough to fuse his body to his dining chair--or what lay beyond the first floor. Getting a pretty solid case of the heebie-jeebies, our heroes bade farewell and headed toward the staircase leading up.
What was up there was a massive forest, seemingly infinite in length and defying every physical notion of construction in the books. It couldn't possibly exist in this tower. And yet it did, overgrown with trees and flowers and moss and fog. 
And danger.
Our party navigated this forest with aplomb, but were still ambushed by some owlbears emerging out of the fog. Another fight commenced, and it was gory. The owlbears did rank violence to our brave explorers before being put down. 
What other dangers might lay in navigating this mist? Luckily, they happened upon a guide. A giant (at least 20 feet tall) gardener approached the Arbos and, having learned that they thinned out the owlbear flocks a bit, agreed to escort them through these wilds. This entity was named Nordtellem, and, despite being an affable sort, didn't have much more infomation to provide about Ignoz or the tower. As far as Nord knows, he's always been in this forest and the forest has always been here. Although "up," which is his word for the staircase leading toward the roof of the tower, is newish. Strange! 
Nord bade them farewell at that same staircase, and the Arbos ascended toward the roof.

A Wizard's Bargain

They emerged in a kind of laboratory with stoves and pots and braziers bubbling away. It seems that something is being made here, maybe transformed, but it isn't clear as to what.
Luckily, Ignoz the Flowered, in all his terrible glory, emerged from one of the massive tanks on the roof and enlightened our eco-warriors. Ignoz was a sight to behold: half wizard, half-massive creature, all scary. It turns out that the reason Ignoz has been about his nefarious business is that he is exploring the potential for Skeinshale to act as a powerful transmutation agent. And it is very powerful, as Ignoz demonstrated. 
A fight really wasn't advisable for either side, so a tenuous accord was reached. Ignoz would stop his sacking of the trash boats, for now, in exchange for an audience with Rare Zoramar about the potentials of this propriety formula. Everyone agreed. For now. Ignoz told them to tell Rare that "HAIRY" says hello. Ominous! 
Then, the Arbos rode a massive slide back down to the base of the tower, rowed back to their ship, and then back to Mess with their report. He seemed alarmed that "HAIRY" was still alive, and awarded our eco-justice seekers with 300 gold a piece. He then took his leave, but will presumably be in touch soon. For the fantasy foosball if nothing else.

And That's Where We Left It

We'll see what forms eco-justice may take as the annals of A.S.S. continue. 

Varied & Sundry Details

• Lenny challenged Messelum to a game of fantasy foosball. If she won, Messelum would increase the job fee. If Messelum won, he would "get a date with her." Once his winnings were changed to 20 gold instead, Messelum agreed and promptly destroyed Lenny at the table. The table was then, of course, flipped.
• Lenny, Kavra, and Col. Pridbor picked up Barge Helm, Leatherbeard, and Bellhop Topper from Berrig's Necessities, all delicious magic items
• Sweetums is the name of the bird on Nordtellem's head. This is important.
• Captain Coppermuck and the Displaced griffon now seem to be fast friends. What might that mean for the future?
• Ignoz is, apparently, also a little creeped out by Whisperhard and doesn't go down to the first floor of his own tower.

Rewards Granted

Level 5!

Character(s) interacted with

• Berrig Sprawlrock, of Berrig's Necessities
• Captain Coppermuck, now of the Implacable
• Volgrun Whisperhard, of the Whisperhards, currently at dinner
• Nordtellem, gardener of the infinite forest
• Ignoz the Flowered, A.K.A. "HAIRY," master of Skeinshale transmutation 
• Messelum, New Carydam factotum

Report Date

28 Aug 2022