Dr. William Joseph Bumblebottom

That which you are about to read is a rough draft of my biography, as requested by the University. -B

At the ripe age of 18, I, William Joseph Bumblebottom, the 13th child born to the Drake of Galtorum, set out on my own adventure.

Notes on my Autobiography

Being born as the 13th babe of a Drake is nothing to scoff at, yet it was simultaneous draining. Usually in the matters of noble birth, the first child takes over the title and estate, second joins the military, third becomes a clergyman or cleric, fourth does something great and the rest are simply forgotten about. This is exactly the case with me and why I was lucky enough to slip into the shadow of my siblings.
You see, I always fancied the finer arts and rubbernecked^Gawked at the natural world. My obsession began with my classes as a school boy. I found it incredibly difficult to pay attention to the teacher without pictorial or even scientific reference. Mrs. Gongsworth simply stated facts and no explanations. I began to research the flora and fauna as an extracurricular, yet no cheese! There was simply nothing on the matter of what these plants looked like. What if I was to travel to said destination and accidentally eat a poisonous flower? Disaster I say! This moment was, as the Triton's say, "the tide which broke the tuna's back!"

Note for a later self: Include the squirrel accident? Particularly the part about the cantaloupe..?

None of this, however, would have been possible without my trusty metal steed! Yes, you heard that correctly. The Grand Duke and I used to go everywhere together. When one problem would arise, she would surely carry me to safety. The best part was the inline bar! The worst part was most definitely finding enough Arcanum to power it consistently! We did break down a few times, which led me to catalog more than a number of plants which were otherwise hidden from the roads! I have attached a copy of her certificate of authenticity somewhere in this dreaded stack of papers.
In the port city of Auhati, after a long and arduous journey through the Dalsheikh Jungle, and in much need of a good nights sleep, my associate Henril Ironhand and I made refuge in the Green Leaf Inn. There we drank and sang till the morning light, even through our lethargy. Eventually, one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen walked through the door; I absolutely had to know her. To my surprise, and excitement, she was an etymologist! We absolutely hit it off and she accepted my offer to join me in my quest. And, five years later, we married under the shade of the Yil'enoth Tree.

Note for a later self: The book cover should be bound with ladybug leather and sewn by the fairies of the Fey Realm. Another Note: Ask Avian if she feels embossing it would be tacky!

A List of my Achievements to Include:

• Discovery of the lost city of Itauba.
• The classification and study of over 1000 different flora and fauna in my Journal of Natural Flora and Fauna.
• The birth of my two beautiful daughters.
• My strange encounters with a reclusive cat.
• Became, by the Eldrais Society of Ghost Hunters, a Junior Associate with specialization in undead Ladybugs.
• The aquisition of The Grand Duke.
• The discovery of the Nerviosa Beetle (otherwise known as the golden nose!) ((undead)) (((subspecies of ladybug))).
• Participation in the Underground ladybug fughting ring.
• Cocktails with Vasdall.

Possible Chapters

William, you must absolutely include The Grand Duke, and her certificate! Made by the Elaithian Shipmaker's themselves!. She now sits in an outer building to which I retrieve her for evening drives throughout the city. During our adventuring years, she was driven by my trusty chauffer - a magnificent dwarf by the name Henril Ironhand. My goodness! Ironhand and I often found ourselves in some sticky situations!
I absolutely must include some portion of my time at the university. Some of the creations I've seen and had the pleasure of taking part of have been absolutely ground breaking. The use of Arcanum is incredibly diverse and absolutely must be highlighted.

The Trilogy and Pricing

I dare say it would be scandalous to not include an entire volume dedicated to my younger years. I will begin construction as a sequel after my middle and adventuring years! I was thinking for the price and the quality for work, each book should sell for around 63 gold coins. It seems fair!

A note from the author, Izdog, about the word count. The custom CSS counts and is exactly (280 words.) In total, the article weighs 956 words.

man in a black suit by BMT

There is nothing ordinary about our world. We must adventure further than our front yards to find its secrets. - Dr. Bumblebottom

As yes, my favorite tune! It reminds me of the wonderful time spent in the town of Ferness. If I'm remembering correctly, I do believe a miner of the name Sergey does owe me a copper for my win in a drunken arm-wrestling contest.

Certificate of Authenticity by Myself

Date of Birth

4th of Izmus, 1106

Year of Birth

1106 AE 69 Years old

Birthplace

Galtorum

Owned Vehicles

• The Grand Duke