Fligbug Takes a Holiday

"Once upon a time—according to the Five-Dimensional Banana Slugs—there was Zero. No, not Nothing. That guy's such a poser. Zero. As in the number. And that was it: Zero.
"Now, being Zero has certain advantages. However, neither omnipotence nor omniscience are among them. Being severely disappointed in this, Zero decided to try something. So Zero divided itself by itself, and suddenly realized that it had a crisis of identity. Was it Everything or Nothing? Eventually it began to wonder if it was really a set if it was both empty and only contained itself. Or not. It was very confusing time for Zero. And since Time hadn't been invented yet, this made the situation so much worse.
"When Time finally did get involved, Zero found itself at the origin of just about everything and rapidly expanded its perspective. Not being terribly good at mathematics, and finding itself left out of several kinds of equations, Zero hired a theoretical physicist. And soon there was coffee and donuts and awkward silences whenever an attractive theoretical physicist of the opposite modality walked by.
"Together, Zero and the physicists got together over a few beers, took a bundle of Number 2 pencils, and bound them together using a rubber band of indeterminate color, whereas they made up The Multiverse as we know it using transfractal morpho-physical intragerbil dynamics. Zero, being both insecure and not used to a lot of company, but yet still desiring the spotlight, made itself the center of said Multiverse, clutching the Six Stable Universes near it for as long as Time was Time and not some crazy scheme to sell life insurance.

Related People

• Fligbug, the Five-Dimensional Banana Slug