1-04 What a Crazy Random Happenstance!
The clouds flung themselves in front of the moon like secret service agents, but the rain itself had subsided. Augusta found herself walking with a bag of cat food, and wasn't entirely sure how she had bought it. The events of...wait, how long has it been? Augusta pulled out her phone and waved a hand at it. The digital numbers appeared. Two hours? Two hours ago, a man disappeared into thin air right in front of her. It wasn't an illusion. She was sure of it. The air around him actually seemed to fold over him and implode or ...something.
She sloshed through the puddles and rounded the corner. A gasp escaped as she nearly toppled over the short man in front of her.
"Seall far a bheil thu a 'dol!"
"Oh, my! I... I'm sorry, mister. I didn't see you...I mean I was just going around the corner and..." She stopped and stared at the man behind the one she had nearly knocked flat. "You!" Her fingers quickly exchanged the cat food bag for the mace. "What are you doing following me? And ...and how did you know my name?"
Professor Horatio put his hands up slowly and defensively. "What a crazy random happenstance!"
Augusta waited.
"My apologies, madam. My friend here and I are new in town and...well... local customs and mannerisms are sometimes a bit difficult to understand. I meant you no harm."
"Dh'innis mi dhut mar sin. Na bi a 'dol a' sealg dhaoine. Tha e mì-thoilichte," STEVE! nudged his employer.
"You didn't answer my questions," Augusta huffed.
"My manners." Horatio took off his hat and made a bow with it. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Professor Horatio Q. Booper-Snoot, at your most humble service. I am, for all practical purposes, an explorer of worlds and a ...er... multicultural anthropologist, you could say. I am also an expert in transfractal morpho-physical intragerbil dynamics theory which allows me to traverse the multiverse."
Augusta didn't blink. She did frown however. "You mean, like Doctor Who?" She put her mace spray away. "Look, I'm a fan of comicons myself, but if you're from out of town and looking for a hook-up, you can just forget about it."
Horatio adjusted his glasses. "I'm not familiar with your idiom, madam."
Augusta sized Horatio up. "It still doesn't explain how you knew my name, though. You've still got some explaining to do. And if you or your little friend here—"
"Cò a tha thu a 'gairm "beag"?"
"—have any funny ideas, I'll let you know I've attained a black belt in self-defense."
"Oh, of that I've no doubt." Horatio still had his hands up to portray as best a non-threatening stance as he could conceive. "I know you, Augusta Constantine, because your great grandmother was a significant contributor in the area of transfractal morpho-physics. And I'm hoping that her DNA still resides within you. You see, I'm looking for an assistant."
"Oy! Dè tha mi? Feòil a ghearradh?"
Horatio turned to the dwarf. "I need a mathematician. You are just as much an assistant, my friend. Just in your...special field."
"Tha, bheir mi dhut sin. Is mise an draoidh as fheàrr a lorgas tu a-riamh." He beat his chest proudly.
Horatio reached into the breast pocket of his coat and handed Augusta a black and white photo.
For the second time in a span of minutes, Augusta gasped. Then she frowned and stared back at the man. "You Photoshopped this, didn't you?"
Horatio took his glasses off and wiped them with a silk handkerchief. He looked a little insulted. "You of all people should know that you cannot fake a photograph such as the one I did just give you...assuming I translated yet another one of your strange phrases correctly. I mean, what is it with people in this universe and time? So hard to get a good lingual translation among you."
Augusta examined the photo again. She turned over the delicate paper and sniffed at it. No, this wasn't a computer printout. The paper it was on just wasn't used in this day. But there she was—Marie Alexander Constantine. And right next to her stood a grinning Professor Horatio Q. Booper-Snoot.
"Seall far a bheil thu a 'dol!"
Look where you are going!
I told you. Don't stalk people. She's not happy!
Who are you calling "little"?
Hey! What do I look like? Chopped meat?
Yes, I'll give you that. I am the best wizard you ever find.
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