1-03 STEVE! Needs Copious Amounts of Alcohol and Cheese Bread
"Tha feum agam air barrachd deoch làidir!"
STEVE! waved at the waitress in the Red Horse Bar & Grill. She ignored him in the most obvious way possible.
"I do believe my assistant here would like another drink," Horatio explained. She also ignored the professor in the most obvious way possible.
"Well, at least she's polite about it," Horatio shrugged at STEVE!.
"BUT STEVE! REQUIRES MORE ALCOHOL. STEVE! IS LOOSING STEVE!'S BUZZ. A SUPREME ULTIMATE BATTLE MAGE IN A TAVERN WHO IS NOT DRUNK IS A CRIME IN STEVE!'S WORLD."
Horatio gave STEVE! a cringing look. "No, it's not."
"STEVE! SPEAKS FIGURATIVELY, PROFESSOR."
"Indeed." Horatio sipped at his own beverage, a fruity non-alcoholic drink outfitted with no less than two paper umbrellas and a few other flower-inspired decorations, some being made out of fruit. He took out his pocket watch and flipped open the cover. It giggled a few shades of red at him. "We need to be moving off anyway. I've already planted the seeds of curiosity in that librarian, and she's about to emerge from her dwelling."
"STEVE! IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH STALKING FAIR MAIDENS IN ANY UNIVERSE, PROFESSOR."
Horatio shot him an offended look. "I am not stalking her any more than a potential employer in this universe would Google a potential employee."
"STEVE! DOESN'T THINK EITHER PRACTICE IS ETHICAL."
Horatio sighed. "I suppose you're right. I'll tell you what. Let's just see if we can talk to Miss Constantine using random chance from now on, deal?" He grinned and stuck out his hand to the dwarf. The mischievous glitter in his eyes danced over the top of his bi-colored luminescent glasses.
STEVE! looked at Horatio's hand, then his twinkling eyes, then back at his hand. He didn't shake it. "STEVE! KNOWS YOU ARE A MASTER AT PROBABILITY AND SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE YOU TO A LOCAL GAMBLING HALL. THEREFORE, STEVE! WILL NOT SHAKE YOUR HAND AT THIS TIME. STEVE! WILL JUST WAIT AND SEE."
Horatio looked a little sour. "Fine. But I shall remember this when it comes time for your quarterly review." He stood and motioned to the waitress with a flamboyant wave of his hand.
She rolled her eyes and came over, but was smiling by the time she got there. "Need another round?"
"Tha!" shouted STEVE!
"No," Horatio waved his friend off. "I do believe I need to settle our bill. Tell me, is it customary to apply compensation above and beyond the aforementioned agreed to price?"
The waitress's smile slipped. A cocked eyebrow appeared. "If you're talking about tip, I'd appreciate it. We work hard, and even Jake in back made that cheese bread special for your little friend."
"Chòrd Steve an t-aran càise!" said STEVE! with his mug raised high at her.
"Ah, do you take gold dubloons?"
The eyebrow arched further, and whatever smile remained was evaporating quickly. "I did serve you a virgin drink, didn't I? Either that or you're the worst flirt ever."
"Feumaidh i airgead," said STEVE! before he gulped down the last of his drink. He slammed the mug down and wiped his sleeve over his face in the traditional Dwarven Battle Mage style.
"Oh, yes, yes. Of course. Let me see then..." Horatio took his recorder out and opened it. He picked up his stylus, which puffed a sleepy scent at him, but understood what the professor was writing. Horatio closed his recorder, winked at the waitress, and then opened it again. He snatched up the handful of twenty dollar bills and handed them over. "Keep it all, my good service sector employee."
The smile returned and she tucked the bills away before she figured the odd man would change his mind. "I get it now. Nice trick with the book. They're going to love you." She winked and snatched STEVE!'s mug before he could continue desperately licking the rim any longer.
A Rough Translation of STEVE!'s Phrases
"Tha feum agam air barrachd deoch làidir!" I need more alcohol!
Yes!
STEVE! enjoyed the cheese bread!
She needs money.
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