Echoes With Teeth

"Some relics carry history. Others carry a grudge."
— Seraphis Nightvale, Librarian of the Last Home

Introduction

Somewhere in the Library, there is a shelf that rearranges itself whenever no one is looking. It hums faintly with anticipation and regret. Every time I pass it, I hear something new attempting to be catalogued. Every time I ignore it, something else gets teeth.

This chapter concerns the things that survived that shelf.

Welcome to the Relics Index—an ongoing, ever-regrettable attempt to document the objects left behind by the Pattern’s worse ideas. You will not find comfort here. Nor will you find consistency, common sense, or proper labelling. What you will find are the things reality couldn’t quite delete: artefacts forged in divine tantrums, created by drunken wagers, or born because someone believed hard enough that the joke was real.

Most of these items should not exist.
Some actively deny that they do.
One rewrites its own footnotes.

There is no hierarchy here. No system of classification. Only a growing list of phenomena wrapped in object form, most of which should be approached with gloves, tongs, and a signed waiver from at least three gods.

They are not just tools.
They are not merely items.
They are narrative consequences made tangible—resonant fragments of moments that refused to fade quietly.

If you’re lucky, they’ll ignore you.
If you’re unlucky, they’ll recognise you.

This volume is incomplete. It will remain so. Not because we cannot finish it, but because every time we try, a new entry appears and demands attention. Some knock. Some whisper. One just keeps setting the index on fire.

So consider this your warning. Or invitation. Or perhaps just a list of things that will eventually ruin someone’s week.

Usually mine.


Disclaimer:

Relics within this archive may cause the following:

  • Spontaneous genre shift
  • Loss of narrative integrity
  • Increased protagonist energy
  • Confusion, elation, and/or very loud explosions

Do not attune to any item listed here without prior emotional counselling, stable narrative anchoring, and someone willing to resurrect you twice.

You have been warned.

Current Archives

Magical Maid Armour
Item | Apr 7, 2025

A legendary artefact born from drunken ambition, the Magical Maid Armour is both over-engineered and unstoppable—much like the Maids who wear it.

Filed (reluctantly) by Seraphis Nightvale
Who would very much like a word with whoever enchanted the shelf in the first place.
Several actually.


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