The Truth Today, Give or Take
“Truth is such a curious thing, darling. Everyone wants it—until they realise what it costs.”
You’re new. You’ve got that look—wide-eyed, mildly overwhelmed, and far too hopeful that someone has written down the rules.
How sweet.
Don’t worry. I’ve made a list. I make excellent lists. And this one? It’s nine things everyone learns, eventually. The truths. The foundations. The unavoidable little facts of life that even the gods don’t argue with.
Well. Not twice.
Truth #1 - The Inn Moves.
It does not ask. It arrives.
The Last Home doesn’t sit still. It drifts through the Infinite Elsewhere, showing up where it’s needed—or where it will cause the most confusion. The Inn is not summoned. It simply appears.
Sometimes it lands softly. Sometimes it ruins an ancient ritual and offends six pantheons in the process. But it always arrives with purpose. Just... never yours.
There are ways to follow it.
There are Hearthstones—smooth, perfect things that Tess makes when the Inn allows. Hold one, think of the Inn, and you might wake up in your room again. If the Inn still wants you.
But if you try to control it?
You’ll end up somewhere strange. Or somewhere hungry.
Truth #2 - The Staff Keep the Peace.
And sometimes the peace keeps itself out of fear.
The Inn is not protected by magic wards or divine contracts.
It is protected by us.
The Maids keep the order. Some use rules. Some use charisma. A few use weaponised crockery.
And if the Maids don’t work?
Lars stands up. That’s it. That’s all. He just stands.
And suddenly your stomach’s in your throat and your regrets are having regrets.
No one’s ever seen him fight.
We think he doesn’t need to.
Truth #3 - Violence Ends Where It Starts.
Swiftly. Loudly. Regretfully.
Fights happen. Brawls are practically encouraged—fists, words, and the occasional broken stool. It’s tradition.
But the moment you draw steel or cast with intent?
The smiling stops. The lights dim. And you’re dealt with.
Quickly.
The phrase “Limiters Off” has only been said a few times. Always by Lars.
We don’t talk about what happens next.
We like having walls.
Truth #4 - The Maids Wear Limiters.
For your safety. Not theirs.
Yes, the uniforms. Frills and all. Enchanted. Designed to suppress overwhelming power. Equal parts restraint and style.
I wear mine because it’s perfect. Not because I need the limiter.
Obviously.
Only Lars can disable one.
If he does, it means someone has really, truly made a mistake.
Also—don’t try to lift the hem to check the enchantments.
You won’t like what happens.
(Or maybe you will. That’s worse.)
Truth #5 - Time Is a Knot.
And the Inn holds the thread.
Time inside the Inn feels normal—until it doesn’t.
You might stay for a night and return to find a century gone.
Or leave for weeks and come back to a warm seat and fresh soup.
Once you’re a Patron, time stops being a line.
It loops. Twists. Tangles. It obeys the Inn.
Seraphis tried to chart it once. Her quill dissolved.
Time is not a law here.
It’s more of a politely worded suggestion.
Truth #6 - Doors Open for a Reason.
You just may not like what it is.
Some doors go where they’re meant to. Others go where you’re meant to.
You can reach the Inn by:
- The Front Gates, when the Inn tethers to a world.
- The Known Doors, scattered across the Elsewhere like cosmic party tricks.
- Or when the Inn simply chooses you. A door appears. You open it. And here you are.
Those ones are personal.
And they never open for the same reason twice.
We don’t always stop people from walking through.
But we always remember who did.
Truth #7 - Gods Behave Themselves.
Even divinity knows better than to make a scene.
Yes, they drink here. Yes, they complain. Yes, they lose at cards.
But in here, everyone is equal. Titles mean nothing. Divine wrath gets filed under “taproom incident” and cleaned up with a mop and a stern look.
Even gods fear the Maids.
Even devils say “please.”
And Lars? Lars doesn’t need to lift a finger.
He just watches.
And suddenly the weather apologises.
Truth #8 - Magic Is Background Noise.
You’re not impressive. You’re sparkly. It’s different.
Magic works here.
Just… not always how you’d expect.
Spells fizzle. Enchantments over-perform. Wishes unravel in dramatic fashion.
One wizard cast light and summoned a glowing orb that spun, pulsed, and summoned a performer from a forgotten era who called himself “The Vibe.”
No one’s forgiven him.
Magic here is common. Showy. Unstable.
It is not power. It is punctuation.
And if you enchant the cutlery again, I will find you.
Truth #9 - The Inn Knows.
And it remembers.
It doesn’t speak. Not in words. But it listens. It reacts.
Sometimes it sends soup. Sometimes it opens doors.
Sometimes it waits.
Break something structural, and it’ll fix itself.
Break something important? You won’t know until it’s far, far too late.
The Inn protects what it claims as its own.
The rest of you? Decoration. Background noise. Amusement.
No one knows what the Inn really is.
Not Lars. Not the gods. Not even me.
Dave might. But he’s not saying.
The Inn doesn’t lie.
But it laughs. A lot. Usually at you.
At A Glance
What This Is:
A curated list of nine truths, loosely agreed upon by the Inn, its staff, and at least three unknowable entities. These aren’t rules so much as the shared hallucination we all nod along to. Break them at your peril. Or don’t. That’s fun too.
Why They Matter:
These truths are the foundations of life inside The Last Home. They define what’s safe (nothing), who’s in charge (good question), and how not to accidentally open a door into an apocalypse. Every Patron learns them. The clever ones survive them.
Who Wrote Them:
This version? Sylvie. Which means they’re probably true—just not in the way you think. She never lies. She just... prefers a more entertaining arrangement of facts.
What They Cover:
The truths, darling. The ones everyone agrees on—until they don’t.
- The Inn moves. You don’t get to choose when or where. Be grateful it let you in.
- The staff keep the peace. With frills, steel, and unreasonable precision.
- Violence ends fast. You start something, they’ll finish it. Possibly through a wall.
- The Maids wear limiters. Magical. Elegant. Not to be tampered with. Seriously.
- Time here is strange. You’ll leave for a day and return before breakfast. Or ten years later.
- Doors have opinions. Some open to worlds. Some open to lessons. You won’t know which.
- Gods follow the rules. Even the smug ones. Especially the smug ones.
- Magic misbehaves. Spells are temperamental. The curtains hold grudges.
- The Inn knows. Everything. Including what you just thought. Yes, that.
What To Remember:
You’re not in control. The Inn is watching. The Maids are listening.
And Dave already knows how this ends.
Advice From the Staff
They all insisted on contributing. It’s adorable, really. I’ve arranged their thoughts below for your convenience. Any formatting errors are entirely theirs. Or Lucian’s.
“Follow the rules. Or at least pretend you’re trying.” - Freya
“Suplex first. Ask questions later. Unless it’s Mouse. Then it’s already too late—for you.” - Rika
“If a god buys you a drink, smile sweetly. Then ask who they were trying to impress. The answer is never you. Trust me.” - Tess
“Um... if I’m not in the room, please don’t come looking for me. I’m fine. I just... need space sometimes. Okay? Really. I’m fine. Just—don’t follow. Please.” - Marie
“If your enemy does not weep at the sight of you, they are not your true rival. Do not settle. Wait. And when fate delivers them unto you—make sure your entrance is worth the prophecy.” - Carmella
“If you value your life, do not touch what is mine. You will not be warned twice.” - Lilith
“If you feel the need to explain yourself, you’ve already failed. Leave.” - Lucian
“Eat something. That’s not advice, it’s an instruction. You can fight gods on an empty stomach, but you’ll lose. And you’ll embarrass me.” - Mama Jori
“If a book is missing, return it before I notice. If I’ve already noticed… pray the Library hasn’t.” - Seraphis
“Don’t make me stand up.” - Lars
“Don’t sit in my chair. Not sayin’ anything’ll happen. Just… don’t.” - Dave
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