The Tap Room
Step through the heavy oaken doors of The Last Home, and you will find yourself in the Taproom—a sprawling, ever-warm hall that smells of roasted meats, aged spirits, and the faint, unplaceable scent of magic. It is the heart of the inn, the place where worlds collide, where drinks flow freely, and where the rules are simple: no violence, no theft, and absolutely no messing with Dave.
It is here that the weary find rest, the lost find their way, and the foolish find themselves at the mercy of the Legendary Barmaids—who serve drinks, keep order, and could likely overthrow a kingdom if sufficiently motivated. Stories are traded like currency, bets are placed with reckless abandon, and somewhere, at any given moment, an ominous new door appears, inviting just one more mystery into the fray.
The Space Itself
The Taproom should not be as large as it is. By all logic, it should not be able to accommodate the sheer number of patrons who frequent it, and yet it does. The long bar stretches impossibly far, polished dark wood gleaming under the flicker of lanterns that never seem to need oil. The rafters hang high above, draped with banners from forgotten kingdoms, sigils of adventuring companies long since disbanded, and a few flags whose origins no one has ever managed to track down.
At either end of the Taproom, two great hearths burn with a steady, eternal glow. One, near the bar, serves as a cooking fire, where a spit-roasted animal turns slowly, always basted, always sizzling, and never quite identifiable. The other, at the opposite end of the room, is surrounded by a semicircle of deep armchairs, an inviting respite for weary travellers. One of these chairs belongs to Dave. No one questions this. No one takes it. Not twice.
The Taproom is entered by several key access points:
- The Main Doors – Leading to the ever-changing world beyond.
- The Guest Wing Door – Connecting to the inn’s many guest rooms.
- The Staff Door – A heavily used entrance to the kitchen and staff quarters.
- The Archway – Opening into a hall that leads to the Study, Conspiracy Club HQ, and The Library.
- The Taproom Balcony & Staircase – Overlooking the room below, it grants access to additional guest quarters.
The Bar & Its Keepers
The Taproom’s bar is Lars’ domain, a fortress of polished wood and unshakable authority. He is always there, watching over the chaos with the patient amusement of a man who has seen it all. He pours drinks, listens to stories, and ensures that the Inn remains a place of peace—whether by quiet warning or unspoken force. No one, not even gods, questions Lars.
And where Lars is, Tess is never far away. The Bard of The Last Home weaves her music through the air like a spell of its own, her laughter ringing as freely as her songs. She flirts, teases, and owns the room with effortless ease, but her presence is never far from Lars, as if she belongs in his orbit just as much as he belongs behind the bar.
The Legendary Barmaids & Their Signature Drinks
The Legendary Barmaids rule the bar as much as they serve it, each bringing their own unique brand of chaos to the Taproom.
- Freya Ironfist - Her signature ale, The Iron Fist, is thrown, not served. If you can catch it without spilling a drop, she’ll nod approvingly. If not? Tough luck.
- Lilith "Lily" Bloodpetal - The Widow’s Kiss is a wine so rich and intoxicating that accepting a second glass is often considered a declaration of intent. Whether for romance or assassination depends on her mood.
- Marie "Mouse" Merriwind - The Silent Step is a drink that appears before you even order it. By the time you realize you’ve had one, your coin pouch may be missing.
- Rika Thunderale - Oni Slam is three times fermented and four times regrettable. Only fools and legends drink it. Often, they are the same people.
- Princess Carmella "Cami" Ravenshroud - The Royal Reserve is a vintage so fine, she insists you bow before drinking it. Refusal results in dramatic outrage and an exasperated sigh from Lars.
- Sylvelle "Sylvie" Starfall - Heaven’s Kiss shimmers in the glass and tastes different for everyone. The only universal experience? The vague, nagging suspicion that you’ve made a terrible mistake.
Dave, the Ever-Present
Dave has always been here. Or at least, that’s how it feels. He sits in his chair by the fire, his drink always full, never spilled. No one remembers him arriving, and no one has ever seen him leave. He is a mystery wrapped in mundanity, an enigma that the Conspiracy Club has devoted itself to unraveling.
Attempts to engage him in deep conversation usually end with him shrugging, offering a perfectly ordinary response that somehow only fuels the speculation further. If something catastrophic were to happen, Dave would almost certainly be unharmed. Not through skill—just sheer dumb luck.
No one tests this. Not anymore.
The Patrons & The Ever-Shifting Crowd
The Taproom is never empty. It is filled with an ever-changing assortment of guests, some mundane, others mythical, some from realms long thought lost to time. A knight of a kingdom that no longer exists may share a drink with a demon who swears they’re just on holiday. A scholar may barter knowledge with a god in disguise. A thief may lose a hand in the same moment they pick a pocket—though, miraculously, it will still be attached to their wrist.
While faces come and go, some fixtures remain constant. Lars, Tess, Dave, and the Legendary Barmaids anchor the space, ensuring that no matter how strange the crowd, the Taproom remains a place of stories, laughter, and the occasional suplex.
Final Thoughts
The Taproom is more than a place to drink. It is a crossroads of fate, a sanctuary for the weary, and a stage for the ridiculous. It is a place where old gods drink alongside lost souls, where legends are born in casual conversation, and where the line between reality and myth grows delightfully thin.
No one commands The Taproom. No one controls it.
And no one, no matter how powerful, is bigger than the Inn itself.
So, pull up a chair. Order a drink. Welcome home.
For however long The Last Home allows it.
At A Glance
Atmosphere
The Taproom is alive with the warmth of flickering firelight, the roar of laughter, and the hum of a hundred overlapping conversations. It smells of roasted meat, aged spirits, and the faint, unplaceable scent of magic. There is a sense that every story told here lingers, woven into the very fabric of the Inn.
What It Is
The heart of The Last Home, a place where worlds collide over drinks, where the mighty and mundane sit side by side, and where the line between legend and last call is dangerously thin.
Who Runs It
Lars, The Keeper, always behind the bar, always watching. He pours drinks, listens to stories, and ensures the chaos never turns to ruin. The Inn listens to him. No one knows why.
Who Else Works Here
Tess, The Bard, whose songs fill the room, weaving music between the clinking of mugs and whispered wagers. The Legendary Barmaids, part staff, part security, and all trouble, ensuring order is kept, drinks are served, and troublemakers learn regret in creative ways.
The Fireplaces
Two great hearths warm the room. One serves as the cooking fire, where an animal always roasts on a spit, though few can ever name it. The other, near the far end, is surrounded by deep armchairs—one of which belongs to Dave. No one dares take it. Not twice.
The Drinks
The menu shifts like the Inn itself, but some drinks remain constant. The Iron Fist is thrown, not served. Oni Slam is a challenge in liquid form. The Widow’s Kiss has led to both romance and murder. And then there is Dave’s Usual, which exists beyond mortal understanding.
The Patrons
The Taproom is never empty. It is home to adventurers, wanderers, and things that defy polite classification. Some are here for a single night, others for lifetimes. The stories change, but the Taproom remains.
Final Words
Pull up a chair. Order a drink. Welcome home. For however long The Last Home allows it.
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