BB's Diary #31

Ansday, 2nd of Dusk 212 EoL

Dear Diary,

So much has happened these past two days, I don't know how I can write it all down without filling up too many pages. Also, it is quite cold sitting here outside in some street of Sedem Lux in the middle of the night under a light pole that I have to write the short version of it all.
When I last wrote to you (two days ago) we were on an island that was on a giant turtle named Schrokis and had just won an epic fight but also lost our dear friend Gwenelle. Not only did we get a lot of treasures out of that fight by looting the ship of Cpt Redmane but also as a thank you for freeing them from the slavery of the sultan, the fish people offered us part of his treasure. We are rich, got a new bag of holding and a flying carpet. Shirel brought Trip back to life, which was so cool to watch, as his head just reattached to his body, as if it had never fallen of. Now Trip has a scar all around his neck where they reattached. Schrokis was as thankful as the fish people were, he offered to bring us back to Thelzroa and on top of that made that we are now able to talk to the fish people, to breath under water (which is nothing new to me... ) and to be able to heal by drinking sea water. Well except for Trip, he kind of did not like the fact that he had Votluh in him, or that he has a Rivven? or both? Who cares?
Once Trip had regained some strength I sat down with the others and told them about the deal the Raven Queen had offered me, since I did not want to make such important decisions on my own. That talk did not at al go as I had imagined. I told them that she had offered me a permanent position, which meant that I would have to continue completing missions for her. In exchange she would grand me more power. The catch was, that once I would die with nobody to revivify me, she would bring me back to life and I would be immortal, meaning that I would live and work for her for eternity. I did not want that, especially the part of being immortal. I thought that the others would appreciate that I told them everything and would all be like: "No, BB, don't do it! You're right!" But no, they were quite indifferent, they seemed to not really care about it. To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement, I was angry for the lack of care they showed towards me. Their attitude changed once Trip opened his arrogant mouth and told them that while he was dead he had also seen the Raven Queen and she had offered him a deal as well: if he would persuade me to take the deal, then she would get Votluh out of him and fix his soul (at first with another soul and later with his proper soul, that was locked up with Andy).
After that they had decided that getting Votluh out of Trip was our top priority, as the former was gaining more and more power and would at one point destroy Trip which would probably lead to the deaths of us all. So I had to go back to the Raven Queen, take Trip with me, ask her a bunch of questions about the deal and then make a decision. All good except that the Raven Queen didn't let Trip come with me, I was all alone in front of her, asking the questions, getting the answers we had hoped for and then asked to get send back to report to the others. She told me that I had to make the decision right there on the spot, no more time to think or discuss it. The others had made it clear that they wanted me to take the deal to save us all, especially Trip, from Votluh. I really did not want to take the deal. I did not want to be immortal. To keep loosing my loved ones, to have to begin a new life every few years, to live for all eternity. I stood there and kept thinking about the two people that are, no I guess were is more appropriate, the most important people in my life: Drake  and Trip. I was quite sure, that if I would take the deal Drake would not like it at all and our relationship might be beyond repair. I did not want to lose him and break his heart. I was also quite sure, that if I would not take the deal Trip would at some point lose to Votluh and die, maybe killing us all. I did not want to lose him. Two broken hearts did seem like the lesser evil, taking my fate out of the equation, so I took the deal.
Once I was back I made the decision to only tell the others that I took the deal once we were back in the mansion, where we were safe from prying ears and eyes. Unfortunately taking the deal has turned the irises of my eyes black, so that the others had figured out that I took the deal quickly and were angry about it and about the fact, that I had not told them right away. Well sure, at first they did not care, then they wanted me to take it, and now they are angry at me for doing it. That is so not fair!
Once I told Trip that I took the deal he tried to take one of the stone fragments as apparently they can grant a wish, if one survives to hold them with once's bare hands. I got really angry, I had just made a deal against my will that would ruin my life over and over for eternity to save him and the first thing he does is getting himself killed? He must be out of his mind! I was so glad that Shirel was there to talk to him. Trip put the stone back and promised us to not use it. Back in Thelzroa, once in the mansion I explained to the others what the deal was all about in a more detailed version. We found out that whenever I step on grass (or any kind of fauna), it dies for as long as I stand on it. We then went for drinks to the pirate king. Shirel and I got really drunk. Yelena  stayed at the mansion to read (she has a book that we found in between the sultans belongings that will make her stronger if she reads the whole book and does the exercised described in the book within a few days). That night Drake and Trip slept outside the mansion to meet with the merchant from the coin we received from the Primus Preatur. They wanted to sell some of the stuff we got from the Sultan and Cpt Redmane and to ask for other stuff that would come in handy fighting the dragon that has another stone fragment. It will be three weeks before we'll get our stuff.

Aersday, 3rd of Dusk 212 EoL

The next morning, Shirel and I woke up with a tremendous hangover. We teleported to Zathess, so that Trip could learn from Agrax how to teleport to Sedem Lux and ask him where the dagger with his soul is. Drake was not fond of the whole idea to get Trip's soul out of the dagger because it may include meeting Andy again, but that would probably not be as bad as the whole Votluh scenario may become.
While Trip staid with Agrax, Shirel and I were visiting his mother and the shop that was selling my clothes. Ada decided to stay in Zathess and not come with us to Sedem Lux since Shirel could not promise her to stay with her in Sedem. I told her that she could keep my part of the money the shop had made from my clothes and that she would stay my middle woman. Shirel later asked Agrax to get sending stones and to pass one of them to his mother so that they can talk whenever they feel like it. In the meantime, Yelena was buying all kinds of crap, one just has to love her, and Drake, well again, nobody knows what he was up to. I'm so tired of that. After an hour we met again at Agrax's and teleported to Sedem Lux.
We arrived at the Grey Cloaks' Arcanion, where we had to state our names and purpose of our visit to the city. We went to the Wolfden and I asked Drake if he could get new papers for Trip and me, so that our chances of hiding from the Gatekeepers would increase. We chose names so that we could keep our current nicknames: Beautiful-Blast Tempest and Cornelius Cantrip. We were told at the Wolfden, that there is a war in the north between the Empire and The Vorrukan Might, that the cult is also an issue in and around Sedem and some other stuff that all needs to be solved and, of course, we would be the best fit to do so... all we wanted was to lay low for a few weeks until we get our equipment to fight the dragon, to get it's stone fragment. It's all getting over our heads.
We slept in the mansion, so after dinner, I decided to go over to Drake's room, since we wanted to talk about us, once we got back to Sedem. He basically told me that it was over. That after I made the deal with the Raven Queen he could not be with me anymore. I told him, that I would not give up on us like that, that we still could be happy together for the rest of his life. I don't think I was very persuasive, I think his mind is settled. Still, it's not fair to be mad at me for taking the deal, when at first he did not tell me not to take it.
We got interrupted by a loud scream of Trip. We ran out of the room, only to find him unconscious on the floor in Yelena's room with one of the stone fragments in his hand. He had promised not to use them! I just ran out of the room, not checking on him or anybody else. I locked myself in my room. Drake never came to look for me, so I guess it is really over. Trip never came to look for me, so I guess he's dead or does really not care for me. Whatever. I quickly wrote two letters, one to Drake and one to Yelena and Shirel telling them that I needed some time on my own. I could not write a letter to Trip, I am just too mad at him. How could he do that? After what I did for him? Now it was all in vain! Losing Drake, taking the deal that makes me immortal and will make me lose everything over and over again. Why? Why? Why Trip? Why?

That's why I ended up here, somewhere in Sedem Lux. After wandering the streets for a few hours, I realised that I start at zero again. I have nothing. I need a new identity, thanks to Trip who took of his amulet of protection. I need a new home, since I used to live with my ex-boyfriend, it has only been a good year since the last time I had to start a new life. I need to be doing this from now on every few years, whenever people around me will notice that I don't age, whenever my loved ones die, for all eternity. I hate my life! I hate what it has become in the last couple of weeks! And I can't even put it to an end because the Raven Queen will bring me back over and over again.
I'm getting really cold. I guess I'll head over to Silken Dreams, where I used to work for the past year. It's the only place I really know, that has nothing to do with Drake. It seems that Poe wants to tell me something, so I'll leave you now my dearest diary.

Love, BB <3