The Tale of the Brave Gnomes Traveling on a Flying Two-Wheeled Gasbag of Death But They Will Be Back Someday I Promise (Ar-yoo-KID-ding-mee)
The Tale of the Brave Gnomes Traveling on a Flying Two-Wheeled Gasbag of Death But They Will Be Back Someday I Promise is an Old Gnomes Tale reportedly witnessed, and passed down over the years, from Parent Builder Gnome to Child Builder Gnome. It involves a couple of daring, adventurous gnomes, a bicycle, and a flying machine. Also a lovesick pair of goats.
The story is the basis for the Festival of the Gazirad, celebrated every year by all Builder Gnomes on the tenteenth of Octomember.
The story is the basis for the Festival of the Gazirad, celebrated every year by all Builder Gnomes on the tenteenth of Octomember.
Summary
One fine day many years ago, before the Builder Gnomes and the Rock Gnomes went their separate ways and they all lived together in (mostly) blissful harmony in Tolastata, a group of particularly daring adventurous gnomes decided to climb their mountain and see if they how fast they could descend. One had recently invented a particularly daring new form of transportation, what we would call a bicycle but they called a todazirad, which, loosely translated, meant "death on two wheels." They aimed to see if it could be used to safely get back down the mountain. The daring group of gnome friends climbed the mountain without incident, and while the others assembled their testing and measuring equipment, the inventor/test driver prepared to make his historic, first-ever descent on his todazirad.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them, another similar group of daring adventurous gnomes were on a nearby mountain preparing to launch another new form of transportation, what you and I might call a "balloon." They preferred to call it a todagazik, which, also loosely translated, meant "death in a bag of gas." Amazingly, at this very same precise time they were preparing to launch their brand new todagazik to test air currents. This second set of daring adventurous gnomes was just preparing to run some ground tests when strategy (destiny?) struck.
As fate would have it, there were also two goats, a mommy goat and a daddy goat. They both enjoyed romping and frolicking all over and up and down the Deezundeer Mountains. Until that one fateful day, daddy goat was late getting back from the water hole down in the valley, and mommy goat was none too happy, thinking he might be cavorting around with that cute little goat from the next mountain over. All the day before and all night they had both argued, bleatin' and fussin' and carryin' on and I don't know what-all. Finally the daddy goat had gotten so mad he stomped down the mountain while the mommy goat still stood, fuming, and proceeded to move his things over to the next mountain. Finally, both goats fell into a fitful sleep.
While the goats slept, they had terrible nightmares where they imagined a life without each other. Pain, loneliness, confusion, nights without companionship and sweet goat kisses caused their sleep to be quite fitful and restless. Finally as morning dawned, they both woke up, perplexed and ashamed. As soon as the first rays of the sun hit his mountain, daddy goat, in great sorrow and longing, walked out onto the tallest point and let out a mournful BAAAAAAAH.
Well, it just so happens that was the exact moment that second group of daring adventurous gnomes were preparing to test their new flying todagazik gas bag of death. The daddy goat's mournful, despondent bleat was so startling and unexpected the all suddenly released the ropes holding the todagazik to the ground, it burst from their hands and began drifting off in the direction of the first mountain.
At this point, mommy goat had woken from hearing daddy goat's cry and realized how foolish and untrusting she had been. She then hurried out to the highest point on her mountain and also let out an anguished, plaintive BAAAA BAAAAAAAAH. As luck would have it, don't you know right at that very moment the first group of daring adventurous gnomes was just about to release the todazirad, carrying its inventor, also a very brave test driver. The mommy goat's cry was so surprising and unanticipated, they let go of the todazirad before the test driver was ready. It began to careen wildly down the mountain until it hit a rock outcropping. Out of control, the two wheeled contraption of death careened toward the edge of a slightly-upcurved cliff face. It jumped the rock, flew straight up and launched off the mountain into thin air.
This probably would have been the end for the test driver and the todazirad, and possibly the end of all gnomish invention motivation for years to come, had the other gnomes' flying todagazik not happened by at that very moment. The pilot of the todagazik (did we mention there was a pilot on board? Yes, she was a lovely gnomish lass, she was). Anyway, the pilot was blissfully unaware of the impending forceful collision of the two wayward transportation devices, as she was busy waving goodbye to her comrades on the other mountain. CRASH!! The todazirad met the side of the todagazik in a horrendous crunch, the test driver met the test pilot in the most painful way possible, and the entire contraption continued to sail blissfully on toward the rising sun while their friends all waved goodbye, mournfully.
As the two-wheeled flying bag of gaseous death disappeared from sight, now properly known as the todaziragazirad, or just the Gazirad, the two groups of daring, adventurous gnomes stared at each other across the chasm, then descended the mountain. When they met up at the bottom of the gorge, they all had a good cry (as well as vowing to kick the next goat they saw). Returning to Tolastata minus their friends and minus their inventions, they realized many of the people in town had watched the entire incident from their homes. Collectively, the both sets of daring, adventurous, very unlucky gnomes were banished, along with their families and 2nd cousins, after being warned of the dangers of "invention" and ordered them never to return.
The stories of what happened next to these new Builder Gnomes is another tale for another day, but they all came away with one common, hopeful idea out of their experience. They knew that someday their friends would return from their aerial trip around the world in the flying, two-wheeled gas bag of death, and that return would harbinger their own time to return to their ancestral home in Tolastata and the Deezundeer Mountains. Every year since then on the anniversary of the fateful flight, all Builder Gnomes everywhere celebrate the Festival of the Gazirad (yes, they went there) when they all either expect the pair of adventurers to return, or to receive word when they will be returning.
It is not recorded whatever happened to the mommy and daddy goats.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them, another similar group of daring adventurous gnomes were on a nearby mountain preparing to launch another new form of transportation, what you and I might call a "balloon." They preferred to call it a todagazik, which, also loosely translated, meant "death in a bag of gas." Amazingly, at this very same precise time they were preparing to launch their brand new todagazik to test air currents. This second set of daring adventurous gnomes was just preparing to run some ground tests when strategy (destiny?) struck.
As fate would have it, there were also two goats, a mommy goat and a daddy goat. They both enjoyed romping and frolicking all over and up and down the Deezundeer Mountains. Until that one fateful day, daddy goat was late getting back from the water hole down in the valley, and mommy goat was none too happy, thinking he might be cavorting around with that cute little goat from the next mountain over. All the day before and all night they had both argued, bleatin' and fussin' and carryin' on and I don't know what-all. Finally the daddy goat had gotten so mad he stomped down the mountain while the mommy goat still stood, fuming, and proceeded to move his things over to the next mountain. Finally, both goats fell into a fitful sleep.
While the goats slept, they had terrible nightmares where they imagined a life without each other. Pain, loneliness, confusion, nights without companionship and sweet goat kisses caused their sleep to be quite fitful and restless. Finally as morning dawned, they both woke up, perplexed and ashamed. As soon as the first rays of the sun hit his mountain, daddy goat, in great sorrow and longing, walked out onto the tallest point and let out a mournful BAAAAAAAH.
Well, it just so happens that was the exact moment that second group of daring adventurous gnomes were preparing to test their new flying todagazik gas bag of death. The daddy goat's mournful, despondent bleat was so startling and unexpected the all suddenly released the ropes holding the todagazik to the ground, it burst from their hands and began drifting off in the direction of the first mountain.
At this point, mommy goat had woken from hearing daddy goat's cry and realized how foolish and untrusting she had been. She then hurried out to the highest point on her mountain and also let out an anguished, plaintive BAAAA BAAAAAAAAH. As luck would have it, don't you know right at that very moment the first group of daring adventurous gnomes was just about to release the todazirad, carrying its inventor, also a very brave test driver. The mommy goat's cry was so surprising and unanticipated, they let go of the todazirad before the test driver was ready. It began to careen wildly down the mountain until it hit a rock outcropping. Out of control, the two wheeled contraption of death careened toward the edge of a slightly-upcurved cliff face. It jumped the rock, flew straight up and launched off the mountain into thin air.
This probably would have been the end for the test driver and the todazirad, and possibly the end of all gnomish invention motivation for years to come, had the other gnomes' flying todagazik not happened by at that very moment. The pilot of the todagazik (did we mention there was a pilot on board? Yes, she was a lovely gnomish lass, she was). Anyway, the pilot was blissfully unaware of the impending forceful collision of the two wayward transportation devices, as she was busy waving goodbye to her comrades on the other mountain. CRASH!! The todazirad met the side of the todagazik in a horrendous crunch, the test driver met the test pilot in the most painful way possible, and the entire contraption continued to sail blissfully on toward the rising sun while their friends all waved goodbye, mournfully.
As the two-wheeled flying bag of gaseous death disappeared from sight, now properly known as the todaziragazirad, or just the Gazirad, the two groups of daring, adventurous gnomes stared at each other across the chasm, then descended the mountain. When they met up at the bottom of the gorge, they all had a good cry (as well as vowing to kick the next goat they saw). Returning to Tolastata minus their friends and minus their inventions, they realized many of the people in town had watched the entire incident from their homes. Collectively, the both sets of daring, adventurous, very unlucky gnomes were banished, along with their families and 2nd cousins, after being warned of the dangers of "invention" and ordered them never to return.
The stories of what happened next to these new Builder Gnomes is another tale for another day, but they all came away with one common, hopeful idea out of their experience. They knew that someday their friends would return from their aerial trip around the world in the flying, two-wheeled gas bag of death, and that return would harbinger their own time to return to their ancestral home in Tolastata and the Deezundeer Mountains. Every year since then on the anniversary of the fateful flight, all Builder Gnomes everywhere celebrate the Festival of the Gazirad (yes, they went there) when they all either expect the pair of adventurers to return, or to receive word when they will be returning.
It is not recorded whatever happened to the mommy and daddy goats.
Historical Basis
Maybe it happened exactly as the story said, maybe it didn't. Until the Builder Gnomes construct some kind of time machine, no one will ever know.
Spread
The Tale exists in all settlements and villages of Builder Gnomes around Melas, and is even occasionally repeated back at Tolastata, but there it is considered a tale of foolishness and folly.
Variations & Mutation
The only real variations to the tale concern the names and identities of the two traveling gnomes. Many versions give them different names, flip their genders, etc.
The version told in Tolastata ends with the vehicle crashing in a giant fireball, and the exiled Tashi Gnomes (their term for Builder Gnomes, but more accurately translated as "Deluded Gnomes") stubbornly refuse to believe what actually happened.
In Literature
The entire tale is related in the anonymous Legends, Tales and Stories of Melas that has existed as long as anyone can remember.
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