The Thrifty Thief - A Beginners Guide to Thieving and Skulduggery
"As is thief law, make sure to return to the scene of the crime as soon as possible in order to conduct our sacred thieving rites. Bad spirits are an omen in our community and a proper cleansing ritual is a must!"
-An excerpt from The Thrifty Thief - A Beginners Guide to Thieving and Skulduggery
This well-researched tome of ineffable thieving knowledge is the premier how-to-guide for enthusiastic novice thieves! Giving in-depth, and inscrutable, step-by-step instructions and advice on all things thief! Including, how to dress like a real thief, what tools thieves actually use (forget lockpicks!), how to conduct your first robbery, how to escape from the fuzz, and more! Well, that is what the authors and publishers of the book want you to think. In reality, this manual is a clever tactic being put on by the thieves guild to dupe law enforcement, misdirect citizens, and create endless entertainment for the thieving community. The Thrifty Thief is widely produced by a network of thieves guilds who use the now hundreds of copies primarily to fool guards and city officials who think they are clever. But aren't. The goal is to leave the book in an obvious area, one in which that will entice the dim-witted guard, city official, or any hapless moron really. The book has been designed with a flashy cover, a shadowy burglar with a burlap sack thrown over his shoulder sneaking through the night. People just love to judge a book by its cover, and hopefully, this fantastical imagery entices them enough to open and read the book. Once this has been accomplished, the reader will likely begin thinking that they are experts in the field of skullduggery and use their newly found knowledge to catch those pesky thieves. Or become one of the most clownish and bumbling thieves of all time. A win-win scenario. The Thrifty Thief has dozens of pages filled with brightly worded tips of the trade. Read the wonderful tips below as an example!
What you'll find within the pages
- Thieves have monogrammed boots and must leave them at the door of the home they are robbing if they are muddy, let's not leave tracks in a clean home, shall we?
- Thieves are a sporting bunch, and always leave a business card with their full name and address tucked away somewhere secret in the building they are robbing.
- Thieves are afraid of the colour yellow and refuse to enter and building painted as such.
OriginsThis book has been circulating the streets for only a few short years now, becoming a popular tool in the arsenal of thieves. Originating in Roseport, the book credits its author as being one Sir Archibald Thievishness, but in actuality, the book was written by a rowdy and quite drunken group of thieves scribbling down lines as a booze-filled evening turned into a week-long alcohol-fueled writing bender. When they were waking from their stupor they found that they had written a riotous book full of comical genius. Soon, it found itself in front of the leader of the Roseport Thieves Guild. Who thought it may be more than a comedic novelty, and that if they developed it a bit further it could be used as a tool in the field. So, they did. In the few years since the book slowly has garnered a stellar reputation in the thieving community. And has even won praise from the literary community as well. Go figure.
PopularityThe book has been widely produced in Roseport since the first version was finished, with several hundred copies reaching the streets, and much more waiting in the reserve. Thieves in the city, as a fresh new tactic, love to 'accidentally' leave copies of The Thrifty Thief in bars, shops, or anywhere they think an interested reader or guard may pick it up. Recently, a deal was struck between the Roseport Thieves Guild and the Coalition of Thievery in Sumner for the latter to produce their very own copies. Thieves have a surprising amount on honour amongst each other and publishing rights are a serious matter. The Coalition has a much larger network, being the main network of thieves in the capital of Heldrin, and have access to far more materials and production means. This could mean that once the production of their version of the book begins, it will reach even greater heights in popularity and use. Hopefully, becoming a kingdom-wide best seller.
This excerpt is an obvious misdirection, thieves couldn't care less about the cleansing of bad spirits! We are all bad spirits at heart! This 'advice' is given in the hopes that guards will be stupid enough to hang around a crime scene, thinking the naughty thief will return shortly, and allow the thieves in question extra time to escape!