Z&B Episode 2: Bird in the Museum
[Fly over city. Zoom in on museum front entrance. Dip down to see public walking in, out, and past the museum. Continue to zoom in to the backs of Zoot and Buff.] Zoot and Buff climb stairs to museum front entrance. Outside behind them the public passes by, including couples in cosplay costumes (steampunk, Tarzan and Jane, etc.) and a young nude husband pushing a stroller with his wife walking alongside.
[Head and shoulders side view] Zoot and Buff notice a free standing sign on the steps that says, "In olden times art was censored...". (Walking from camera left to right. Buff is upstage, closest to signs. Zoot is closer to camera.) They continue past it. A similar sign says, "...because people were ashamed or offended by the human body."
[Closeup] Buff is perplexed by this sign. Zoot thinks it is odd and just mildly interesting.
[Return to side view] They continue climbing the stairs to another sign saying, "In our enlightened times the removal of certain body parts seems humorous."
[Extreme closeup] Buff is shocked and then makes a face like he tasted something nasty.
[Extreme closeup] The offensive words are, "removal of certain body parts"
[Closeup] Zoot looks from the words to Buff's face. She smiles at his reaction.
[Return to side view] They continue climbing the stairs past another sign saying, "We invite you to enjoy: "Censored Art of Antiquity", only glancing at it and continuing. [Stop camera on final sign as they walk past.]
[Waist to head view at open double glass doors at entrance to museum lobby.] (Sign says, "LOBBY".) They stop at the open doors and turn to each other. Zoot checks Buff's appearance and wipes a stray hair into place, then Zoot spins for examination and Buff pulls a piece of lint fuzz off of Zoot's suit.
[Diagonal view panning slightly to view lobby security entrance] Stepping inside the doors to the Museum, there is an entrance lobby. The male and female guards in identical uniforms wave Zoot to the weapon detector and Buff around it. Zoot passes through the metal detector.
[Extreme closeup] The cartoon image of a person on the detector turns red from head to toe.
[Head to thigh] Zoot has her wallet out and shows a police badge to the museum guards. The security guards wave Zoot through to join Buff.
[Head to waist] Buff has picked up a one page pamphlet and a little pencil from a little kiosk in front of his waist. He offers them to Zoot, who declines.
[Follow] They walk up to a tall pedestal in the center of the lobby with a rope divider to keep people away from the statue. They read the tiny words on the front of the pedastal. Then Buff looks up to the top of it.
[Closeup panning up from the feet to the top then down again to the waist] The marble statue of Atlas holding the globe over his head has excellent muscle definition, but no genitals.
[Faces] Z&B look up at the statue and down at the words a few times. Buff finds it disturbing, but Zoot finds it humorous. Eventually Buff checks off an item on the pamphlet as Zoot decides to move on. Buff follows.
[Head to pedastal, panning from left to right] A series of marble clone men pull a real rope in tug-of-war fashion; the other team is Hercules alone easily holding his own end of the rope.
[Face to chest] Again, they look it over and read a tiny plaque, then Buff checks it off of his list.
(Filler material: They tour past a few other statues. Maybe: The Thinker, etc. Women are clothed and men are nude and without genitals.)
[Rear view head to chest] <angry trumpet blast> (They hear an angry exclamation.) They both turn toward camera to look at something distant.
[Wide View] In the distance in the next large room there is a museum security guard with a long pole, cursing at something above.
[Head to waist, front] They start to run over.
[Return to wide view next room] An elderly female security guard accustomed to receiving respect has popped up and signals to stop.
[Return to front view] They stop, quizzical expression on their faces.
[Return to wide view] She shushes them, <Shhh!> then she waves them on. They walk quietly and sheepishly to the other large room.
[View from above diagonal.] They arrive at the other angry guard with the pole, who is now fuming at something above. She turns to them.
[Head to waist] Zoot flashes her badge. Buff points to the handyman symbol tattooed onto his chest.
[All 3 faces and shoulders] She says explanatory things to them, gesticulating, and then points and looks up to the problem. They follow her gaze. [Camera pulls back and pans up.] Up in the rafters is a bird.
[View from above] They look at the guard and she at them. They shrug. She looks back up at it and points angrily.
[Bird view] It tweets a happy song, stops, poops loudly. <tweeting, raspberry>
[Closeup of the head of a statue of Michelangelo's David.] Poop lands on the statue.
[Bird view again] The bird shakes its tail feathers, then starts singing again happily.<flap flap, tweeting>
[View of protagonists again.] Guard is still fuming. Zoot nods understanding the problem now. Buff is appalled, motionless and slackjawed for a moment. The guard turns to them. Zoot points at self and says words of confidence. Buff nods and offers to take the pole. The guard smiles, relieved. The guard hugs Buff, hands him the pole, shakes Zoot's hand, and walks away happily.
[Wide view] They walk to the corner of the room near the pooped statue. Buff tries poking the pole up at the bird.
[closeup] The bird looks down and blinks blankly.
[View down from above] Buff hands the pole to Zoot. Zoot tries waving the pole at the bird to scare it into moving while Buff looks at the statue and starts climbing it.
[Continuous zoom out] Buff is going dangerously high. Whenever Buff's privates might come into view, Zoot's pole conceals them.]
[Closeup] Buff gets to the top and is revulsed by the bird poop on the head of Michelangelo's David. He looks around.
[Zoom out] There are flags of many nations up at this level on the walls leaning out to the room. Nearby is the flag of the museum (or maybe the United Nations). Buff reaches for the end of the nearest flag.
[Closeup] Zoot looks up at him and disapprovingly.
[Return]Buff uses the corner of the flag to clean the statue.
[Return to closeup] Zoot is embarrassed.
[Return] Buff finishes and climbs further up, balanced with his feet on the head of the statue.
[Return to closeup] Zoot is worried.
[Head to waist] Buff tries to wave his hands at the bird and reach out to it.
[closeup bird] The bird blinks blankly.
[return] Buff loses his balance and spins his arms to try not to fall forward.
[Return to closeup] Zoot is afraid. She waves the pole toward him.
[return closeup bird] The bird has a similar fearful expression.
[Head to waist] Zoot pokes the pole at Buff's midsection. Buff's eyes boggle from the poke. He leans back to balance again. He is ticklish and closes his eyes and smiles and chuckles, holding his belly where he was poked. He suddenly realizes he is now leaning too far back and starting to fall back. He swings his arms again.
[closeup]Zoot is afraid again, only more.
[closeup bird] The bird has a similar expression.
[closeup zoot[ Zoot holds the pole higher.
[return[ Buff grabs the pole at chest level with both hands.
[closeup zoot] Zoot pulls down hard.
[return] Buff leans upright again as his hands are pulled forward and down. He regains his balance. Buff wipes sweat off his brow in relief.
[closeup zoot] Zoot does the same.
[closeup bird]The bird does the same with a wing.
[head to chest, track] Buff gives the bird a dirty look, then climbs down.
[wide view] Zoot looks around at a bronze statue of a black soldier in a civil war hat standing with one bare foot on a civil war cannon and two pyramids of bronze cannonballs while Buff climbs down to ground level.
[Chest level camera.] Buff looks at Zoot who is staring into distance while tapping a finger on her head. A thought clouds appears above Zoot's head. Buff looks up at the empty cloud. A lightbulb appears. The light switches on. Zoot reacts happily and starts talking. Buff looks back down at Zoot's face.
[Camera farther back, side view. Stage left is a pile of bronze cannonballs. Stage back center is bronze statue with cannon. Stage right is a pyramid of bronze cannonballs.] Zoot steps excitedly to stage right and sets the pole horizontally on top of the pyramid. Buff goes to stage center and takes the other end of the pole. They both sit on the pole. It teeter totters and eventually lowers Buff, who is heavier.
[Closeup Zoot.] Zoot says something and gestures at the situation.
[Back to stage view.] They dismount and pull more of the pole toward Zoot so Buff has only a short section of pole on his side. Buff steps one foot on it. Zoot allows her end to rise above her head but holds it with both hands. Buff steps the other foot onto the pole; he is now crouching in a tight ball.
[Zoot cowboy frame, head to knees.] Zoot leaps onto the end of the pole and her end quickly drops to the ground.
[Buff closeup zooming out and pulling upward.] Buff is pushed up by the pole. instantly at the top of its motion he leaps upward and flies into the air toward the bird on the rafters.
[Medium Bird view. ] Buff's fingers suddenly slap onto the rafter. The bird is startled. [Sound of a frightened chicken clucking.] The frightened bird flies away. Buff waves two fists in the air to celebrate his victory. He realizes he is now unsupported. He reaches for the rafters quickly but only catches with his fingertips.
[View from afar.] Buff is dangerously high.
[Closeup Zoot then zoom out and pan toward fulcrum of pole.] Zoot is very worried. She balances on pole with both feet and gingerly steps further toward center, trying to get her hands higher toward his feet to help him.
[Back to Buff's fingertips and face.] Buff slips and falls.
[Far away view] He falls in a blur toward the seesaw below.
[Closeup pole where Buff's feet will land with Zoot's frightened face out of focus in background.] Buff's feet land exactly on the pole.
[Stage view again, slightly earlier in time.] Buff lands on pole and does not crouch much as his end descends. At the same time, Zoot (standing on the other end of the pole much closer to the fulcrum this time) is catapulted not up but toward Buff. They collide. They fall into the pile of cannonballs stage left. [Sound of bowling strike pins falling.] The balls roll and bounce everywhere. They land in a tangle of arms and legs.
[View from above.] A woman-shaped shadow has been cast upon them. They slowly start to look up.
[Guard with fingers to lips viewed from below with back lighting] Shhhh!!!!
[Back to view from above] They are startled! They sheepishly place a finger to their lips to signal quiet.
[Closeup view Stage left] The quiet guard is gone. In a blur of motion, they reassemble the pile of cannonballs. Suddenly they are sitting back to back in front of the completed pile, breathing heavily after all the work.
[Closeup] Bird is now on the head of a statue. <Tweet tweet!>
[Back to previous view] They perk up. They turn heads toward the tweeting.
[Back to same view of Bird, then zoom out to show its location] Bird is on the statue of Hercules in a tug of war.
[Distant view] They scramble to get to the bird.
[Head to knee view of statue, pan to follow Buff] Bird casually hops from Hercules to rope to heads of other statues, oblivious to Buff's attempt to follow. Buff climbs Hercules, too late to catch bird in hands, he steps onto the rope. He slips and falls straight down, catching rope with both hands to protect his groin but also lands with his butt on Hercules' face. After an embarrassed glance at Hercules, he gets his feet back on the rope and ropewalks to follow the Bird, always a step behind. [Intersperse with closeups of Zoot's face following and watching and unable to help from the ground.] Finally it looks like he will be able to catch the Bird, but it flies away at the last instant. He sulks for a second. Dejected Buff climbs down.
[More zany hijinks?]
[Top of globe on atlas statue] Bird lands on globe and looks around.
[Chest to head shot of Z&B plus extra space above Zoot.] Zoot pictures the idea in a thought bubble of going to a pet store <sound of door opening and bell jingling, sack dropped on a counter, cash register.> and buying a bag of birdseed. Zoot starts to walk away to store, but Buff stops her. Buff reaches into the thought bubble and pulls out the bad of seed. The thought cloud fades away and the seed bag remains in Buff's hand. Zoot is quizzical.
[Knee to head view of clearly labeled Exit door] Zoot runs to the glass door and opens it outward, and stands behind it looking through the glass. Buff follows holding bag at waist level. Buff stops inside close to doorway and turns to face bird and camera. Buff starts to raise the bag.
[Closeup chest to head level] Buff holds the bag toward the bird and camera so the label can be clearly seen. He shakes it slightly to draw attention. <shake shake>
[Bird view] The bird is looking his direction, but a dandelion seed floating on the soft breeze draws its attention.
[Back to Buff's face and seed bag closeup.] Buff is exasperated. He shakes it again. <shake shake>
[Bird view] The bird scratches an itch, ignoring him.
[Waist to head view] Buff lowers the bag, grows determined, and runs toward the bird.
[Head to toe side view of a rope divider to keep people away from the statue. Raise camera as Buff climbs. ] Buff steps in from stage right with right foot, bag of seed at waist level. He raises his left foot to the rope divider post and steps up on It, barely balancing on one foot while waving the bag of birdseed at the bird.
[Bird view] Bird target locks on it excitedly.
[Closeup of foot on post] The post falls over.
[Closeup of Zoot] scared
[Closeup of bird] scared
[Closeup Shush Lady] She was about to shush him, but she is slackjawed from fear for his safety.
[Series of quick swipes of his face, hands, feet, and the bag falling through the air.]
[Bird view] The bird has covered its face with a wing. [Sound effects of many dishes crashing to the ground and a spring bouncing.] The bird takes a peek.
[Side view close] Buff sits on floor with fallen rope pedestals, he is defeated, eyes tightly shut. The bag hits his head and bounces off screen right. Small corn kernels go everywhere, landing on Buff's head and shoulders and the floor.
[Return to view of exit with Zoot behind glass door] The bag bounces out the door leaving a trail of birdseed.
[Buff view] Buff breathes but otherwise doesn't move. A few moments of quiet and the bird flies down and lands on Buff's shoulder. He doesn't react. The bird pecks one of the kernels and swallows it whole. Still no reaction. The bird pecks at more kernels. Buff opens one eye opposite the bird keeping the eye near the bird shut. It hops onto his head and gobbles up all the seeds there. He switches which eye is open. The bird hops down to his other shoulder and gobbles up all the seeds there. It hops down to the floor. He opens both eyes and looks at the off screen bird in hope.
[Zoot face] Zoot (behind glass) becomes hopeful.
[Guard we saw earlier face] Guard stares and becomes hopeful.
[Same for another guard]
[Same for shush lady]
[Exit door view again] The bird is gobbling up the seed on the floor and hopping out the door, oblivious to Buff quietly crawling on all fours far behind it. As it gets far enough out the door, Buff stands up and Zoot steps around the door and pulls it shut as she enters backward and turns to Buff. They high-five happily successful. Big hug.
[Head to thigh view of crowd of all the guards] The guards have gathered, watching, and they all smile and silently golf-clap.
[Closeup Shush lady in group] Shush Lady claps loudly. <single clapping, then group applause>
[Head to waist of Z&B] They signal welcome with nods and heart on hand and fun salute and waves. They turn to glass door.
[View from outside glass door closeup of Z&B pulls out and down to bird] They smile looking at the bird who is munching happily with remainder of bag of birdseed.
[Fade out.]
Themes
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