Journal #39: The Apology [Text Roleplay]

Aniks will attempt after a couple of days on the airship to find Celuriel where he can speak to her in private. He is determined to at least attempt to apologize to her to make amends.
 
“I know to say that your upset with me Celuriel is an understatement, to say the least. I hope you at least would listen to what I have to say before asking me to leave. A simple apology of ‘I am so sorry’ would be meaningless and hollow. I undermined your trust by sending you away while I attempted an idiotic plan my mind was hell-bent on completing. I had every intention of telling you after but there had been to many people around. Now I see not tell you to start with was clearly the incorrect path to take.” His ears have completely lowered at this point “For now, all I can do is attempt to at least start mending any hurt feelings I might have caused you with this deceit. How I do this is one, up to you on how I can make this up to you, and two being truthful and sharing information when you ask from this point on. Unless magic prevents me from doing so. Besides that, it is up to you how you take my words. I do not expect you to be any less angry with me.”
 
Celuriel gives him a searching look as he speaks. She doesn't look pleased with what he's saying, but the spark of angry fire he'd seen in the inn is no longer present. "if you don't expect less anger, why are you talking?
 
“I am going to try and make up for my mistakes from this point on to you. That is why I am talking, my words had to be said out loud so you know as well. ”
 
"Aniks," she calls as he leaves, without looking up from the pages. "what did you want to happen?"
 
A shadow of emotion flickers across her face. "not now. Before."
 
“Somethings you have to see with your own eyes to truly understand the severity of the problem. A flickering spirit is one problem I had to see. I *wanted* to know how bad this problem truly is...”
 
"...you're an idiot." It doesn't sound like an insult, instead being more of a statement of fact. "what did you plan for if you were trapped on that side?"
 
Aniks takes a moment to consider it "Yes I think I am..." Then shifts uncomfortably knowing that he had fully understood that could have been the case."I would be first to admit the plan had many flaws. I prayed to Pharasma shortly before for some semblance of protection. I expected this might be the outcome" He raised his left arm slightly "Being pulled into her throne room was unexpected..."
 
"should you not know better than to rely on a goddess?" She wonders, still refusing to look up from the page. "if she hadn't, you could have been pulled elsewhere. soul magic works best before she receives souls for judgment." She's forcing her tone to be casual, but the slight lecture is very much evident.
"Hypocritical of me to rely on her huh." Aniks lowers his arm. "Blind stupid trust in a entity that's motives will always be a mystery, save for her reminder."
 
"yes," she agrees. "it was very stupid. and very selfish. I wonder if your lady would have minded the others ignoring their mission in order to drag you out of the Abyss."
 
Aniks touchs his wrist "I... I know it was" His eyebrows furrow at the later half of her comment though that look she couldn't see. "Pharasma would be displeased at that."
 
Aniks's mark drops a few degrees in temperature. Nothing overly noticeable, just enough to let him feel it. "you are usually.. better at thinking things through. why was this different? did you not consider that other people might need you to stay alive."
 
Celuriel's hands come to a standstill on the page. "there are ways to view a soul without resorting to death," she murmurs. "ones you wouldn't need me to tell you about, if you had done any searching." The silence hangs in the air for a long moment before she continues speaking, brushing the hair away from her face as she does. She's paler than normal, and she might be shaking, but there are no tears. "I don't know how you expect me to react. you know this is new for me, even with what's in my books helping. they say I should just... forgive this. but I cannot just accept your words as truth. you understand, don't you?" She doesn't wait for a response. "I am... glad our paths have crossed. but I refuse to let this life be broken like my past." Finally, she looks up at him. There's no happiness in the mockery of a smile she gives him and her words sound heavy, almost like a judge passing sentence, as she carefully speaks them. "if you decide to do something this stupid and selfish again, and if you try to hide it from me, you can continue your travels without me."
 
The rashness of his actions heighted heavily on his heart. Her words hurt and stung deeply. He sat in silence for only a handful moments before his ears returned to a semi normal state as he looked at her "I understand. What I did should not be forgiven by simple words." In her last words he sensed a level of conviction, which made him happy for this spark of determination. Sad at what it took to bring it out of her, and more than anything. Aniks did not want her to leave. He couldn't find the correct words to say for that last statement. So he didn't. She had made her claim rather clear, Aniks was going to make sure that line he would not cross. He had told her everything he wanted to get across. He did not want to lose another person he has become so close to.
 
For a brief second, an odd mixture of confusion and annoyance flickered across Celuriel's face. She hadn't expected him to be so accepting. "...I want to explore the city alone when we get there. at least for the beginning. but it's a big city.." She doesn't come out and say it, but it's evident that she's concerned about getting separated from them for longer than she wants to be.
 
Aniks pauses for a second thinking about what she said "Please be careful while you explore..." His main concern with her alone in a city they did not know was her sister, it had been on his mind ever since she had become an Elf once again, but it was not like he was going to stop her. She made a choice on something she wanted do, so Aniks was going to respect it. He rummaged through a his bag till he found one of those communication books. Approaching the Elf simply hands the book over "Here, if you get lost or need to find us be something happens..."
 
Celu glances at the book, clearly unsure of herself, and puts her own to the side to accept it. The cabin isn't particularly light, but that isn't an issue for Aniks, and he can clearly glimpse the title as she takes the journal. It's a human fantasy novel - 'Sleeping Beautie and other Novelles'. "thank you," she murmurs, not taking her cool gaze away from his. "and you can stop worrying. I can be 'careful'. my powers weren't only from undeath." There's a hint of hesitation, as if she's not sure whether she should continue speaking - almost as if she's not mentioning something
 
Although his worried probably would not diminish till he knew she was safe, but this time he knew he would have to deal with the feeling of anxiety while she was away. He mentally noted to him keep himself busy in the next city. He gave her single slow nod conveying that he understand that she could take care of herself. "If there not is anything else, I will excuse myself. Goodnight Celuriel."