Running through Rodoza

I messed up again.
 
I messed up so bad
 
I don’t know what to do
 
I haven’t told anyone yet I probably confused Ryleigh
 
They haven’t brought it up either
 
There hasn’t really been time
 
She told me once that she couldn’t be the thing that stopped me from hurting innocent people…
 
I didn’t just hurt them this time do you think she’ll leave me
 
They’re gone
 
I killed them I could have done something else...I didn’t know it was going to be that destructive
 
I
 
I killed them
 
When we were at Stonetooth I just wanted to be better at the fighting… I felt so useless
 
Now I… now I don’t want to fight
 
I killed innocent people
 
I’m no better than the people that killed everyone I knew
 
I’ve had to use my magic on the two people I care for the most
 
Is there some kind of joke I don’t know about?
 
Is this punishment for trying so hard to be against what I am that in turn I’m just making it easier to be that devil?
 
Am I just being toyed with?
 
Are Mielikki and Takara just laughing at me somewhere, look at this stupid tiefling, trying to go against her blood.
 
I used to have weeks at a time where I was in the forest surrounded by animals… and nothing went wrong, nothing life altering or death defying or political bullshit happened. I didn’t get bullied or harassed… I miss that. I miss having that break. I miss how simple it was… But she wasn’t there… please still be here, please tell me I didn’t ruin everything again. Why do you… I keep failing you how are you still…