Need More....

Can’t fucking sleep, the moon is shining in my face and too much shit is on my mind.
Need to drink more ale before going to bed. It’s easier to fall asleep when you’re drunk.
 
I had forgotten to mention in the last entry that I was promoted from Captain to Commodore.
 
And I couldn’t be more terrified.
 
While bits of my memory are cloudy like a looming storm, the ones I do remember never involved me being in charge of people.
I’ve never saw myself as a leader, I’ve only ever saw myself as another cog in the machine.
Before he died I looked to Orrian as the leader of the group. That man knew how to take charge. That man could rally any man or woman into battle. I was proud to call him Captain and even prouder to fight alongside him.
But he’s dead now, and the pressure is on me now.
Now I got people looking to me to make big decisions that could either make us or destroy us all.
That scares me more than the actual creatures we’ve fought on the battlefield. I swear it keeps me up at night, if I’m not careful I might lose my mind.
We lost 5 sailors on our first voyage aboard Orrian’s Revenge. Nearly lost Shantu to those bottom feeding Merows. That’s not good. Not good at all. Maybe if I was quicker, maybe if I was up there on watch with Shantu and Gob....fuck
 
I almost lost the hammer given to me by Rosie. Losing it made me turn my back to the enemy and give the bastard an opening. Rookie fucking mistake, Brandr. And it nearly killed you because of it. The old crone would’ve tore me apart if she saw that bullshit.
 
Need to get a hold of myself. Need to protect my crew. Need to protect the kid. Need to find her.
 
Need more....power
 
Wonder if it’s still there on the third floor?
 
Waiting for me.