At What Cost?

Maman,
Will there ever be a time when I have apologised enough? Not only have I left my home, I have left my house, an engagement, ma famille et vous. Now I have to commit to doing something I know is wrong, or doing something that society - that you - think is wrong.
 
When I swore I wouldn't say anything about the forge, I meant it. I mean it. I won't say anything. I don't want to disappoint Vee, or grandmère, but the things she fought for are the things I have now. Without her, I wouldn't have a house, I wouldn't have a home to think of, I wouldn't get to be homesick. J'adore grandmère, et j'adore Vee, mais...
 
I don't think they realise that I love my home. I love Shining Capital. I love the people there. If Tallman wins...
 
Merde.
 
If Tallman wins, I want to be able to be proud of my house.
Can I be proud if I keep this promise?
No. Maybe I could feel proud that I kept un promis, mais I could not be proud of the promise.
 
This is not like home. People could die if I make the wrong choice.
I made the promise to save the others, but...
 
What is my word worth if I give it up so easily?
The others want to just ignore it, but they are under my word too. Aren't they?
 
Merde, j'ai mal a la tête.
 
I don't want Tallman to win. That much is clear. I don't think he should. I think he is a liar, I think il est dangereux - not because of him. I have no doubt that if Spider had enough time to hunt him, he would be dead. Il est dangereux parce qu'il a commencé une chaîne d'événements. We need to be careful how we handle him.
 
There is something we are not seeing and if I didn't have such a headache I might be able to see it.
 
We need Tallman on our side. I think. I fear this may be bigger than some lizardfolk in a bog. I fear this information needs to get to the Capital. I can't give it. I cannot go there and break my word - there are other things I need to do. We are only two weeks from home and so much further to go yet. I can't turn around now.
 
La Chanson a une tâche pour moi. Maybe that will solve this. I have a feeling...
 
Merde, I want to lie down.