Fear

Merde. Lizardfolk are fucking huge. Fucking huge and fucking dangerous. Why didn't Spider or Lucas tell us they would be so big? We could have died. We very easily could have died.
 
Si nous mourons, who will tell Maman et Papa? If we are gone, how will they know?
 
Vee says Papa is not mad at me. But...but I am not there.
 
J'avais peur aujourd'hui. I was scared that something might happen to Vee, I was scared something would happen to me. I was even scared something bad would happen to Jasper et Lucas. I suppose I should get used to feeling this way. I think...I think I need to write home. I think I need to write to Maman et Papa. It has been so long - for me. Everyday is the longest I have been from them.
 
How did grandmère deal with this? I never asked grandmère about homesickness, about being away from la famille for years. About festivals. J'ai probablement gâché le dîner. Have I ruined the festival?
 
Maman et moi...we chose the colours together. We planned invitations and looked at the menu months ago. Comment ai-je oublié ça? Things that were so important not long ago. The important things have shifted. They're not so important now. Like a dream... La Chanson takes fear away. It soothes me and tells me I'm doing the right thing...but I am still me.
 
I miss my bed, and my puppies...and my parents, et grandmère.
 
I wonder if Vee misses grandmère.
 
Nous n'avons pas beaucoup parlé d'elle.
 
I wonder if Lucas misses his family.
I wonder who Jasper misses...Does he miss anyone, or is he fine with his spiders?