Of Saving Humans, Swatting Mosquitos, "I'm not Scared, You're Scared" game with Banshees, and Harbin Fucking Wester by Tuath | World Anvil

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Thu 29th Oct 2020 04:15

Of Saving Humans, Swatting Mosquitos, "I'm not Scared, You're Scared" game with Banshees, and Harbin Fucking Wester

by Tuath Dé Danann

As if things weren't nuts enough -- and they were -- we barely had time to heal up when an explosion rocked the whole underground fortress. We all looked concerned, but I paid special attention to see if the Dwarves had a "that was an odd phenomenon" concerned look or if they had a "this whole place is going to crash down upon our heads" concerned look. I judged they felt it was the former, but it did not salve my unease or lessen the claustrophobia of feeling ALL THAT MOUNTAIN OVER OUR HEADS. But if they think it's fine, I trust them. But man, I prefer the woods and an open sky above me.
 
Upon examination, we found a crater with a human in it. Not your usual discovery, even in the best of times. Baric hailed it with a friendly "hey, buddy!" but it didn't respond. I was thinking more along the lines of "what the fuck did you just do to the entrance of our stronghold," but given that it was unconscious, I figured I would question it later. The party debated a bit but settled on pinning it in our sights through the arrow slots, and letting Baric do his flashy-light-healy thing.
 
The human seemed pretty dazed and was incoherent at first. I tried to communicate clearly and directly, which eventually he responded to. (I don't mean to be an asshole, but some members of the party -- ahem, Baric -- are far too trusting. I mean, this dude showed up in an explosion that put a crater in the front entrance (and also, as it turns out later, knocked out our escape route and killed one of our mules) and folks were like, "hey, let's let him in!")
Turns out, this was a party member of the Solomon Gang, sent by -- get this -- Harbin Fucking Wester. I was able to separate my absolute rage at Wester from the current situation, which was probably fortunate for our new friend Murland because I was feeling pretty shoot-y. His party arrived after about two days travel because they were -- get this -- GIVEN A MAP by Harbin Fucking Wester. Which, you know, would have been a pretty handy thing for us to have. Anyway, the rest of the Solomon gang apparently were kidnapped by some faceless creatures and Murland did his best to rescue them in what appears to be a protest suicide bombing. Interesting strategy, but it definitely was a statement.
 
Upon confirmation of his identity, I was happy to join the others in welcoming him in. But -- and I cannot stress this strongly enough -- fuck Harbin Wester.
 
After another long rest for the party to recuperate, we decided to set about clearing the rest of the keep, and we have kept Murland in tow. And while he did very nearly die of a mosquito wound, I will say his firebrand thing seemed pretty flashy and paired well with Baric's light shows.
 
We did run into what appears to be the current owner/resident of the keep: She was a horrible screeching hag named Pam who would arbitrarily lash out and strike fear in any who would oppose her will. I must confess that my heart sank like a stone as I became entangled in cold, dread panic, trapped in an ever-spinning cycle of fear and anxiety as I did my best to ward off the psychic damage. No, wait, that was from another story. In this story, I didn't actually catch her name. At any rate, we found the bones of her previous victims in a stone bowl, but little else. (To be fair, in the other story the bones were never actually discovered.)
 
In the next room over, we found another cloud of killer mosquitos that did their best to suck the lifeblood out of the party -- they were specifically fond of Murland, it turned out. They came out of a chimney which appears to have access to the outside (yay!). Also of interest, we discovered a secret room behind the chimney that contained a large chest. The chest bore an indentation that looked identical to a ring we found on that first dwarven undead creature that attacked me at the altar. (FWIW, a ring and a dwarven undead creature attacking me at the altar also tracks with the other story.) At any rate, Dash was pleased as punch at finding both a helm and gauntlets that seemed to fit him and I am excited to see him in action in his new tanky outfit.
 
We are making a fairly quick pass through the place, and there are several areas which I intend to search further, including the smithy, armory, other potential hidden rooms, and, of course, sample bits of the M. O. U. S. We also *really* ought to go search for Solomon, who was likely sent to his death by Harbin Fucking Wester.

Continue reading...

  1. Taking Umbrage with a Hill
  2. OF Dwarves and Underground Evil Temples and Slimes
  3. On Death and Dying and Evil Dwarven Oooze
  4. Of Running Away and Running Errands: Chapter Five in the only True and Accurate History of the Band of Adventurers.
  5. Of Dwarves and Orcs and Death and Arrows and Axes: Chapter 4 of The True and Accurate Version of the Continuing Adventures of the Ever-Evolving Party
  6. Of Supplieses and Surprises: Chapter 5 in the ongoing True and Accurate account of our band of brothers
  7. Of Dragons and Dwarves and Destruction: Chapter 6 in the continuing True and Accurate Tales of the Band of Adventurers
  8. Of babysitting shithead uppity dicks and baffling failure against new Foes: Chapter Seven in the continuing saga of the Ruckus Crew
  9. Of Disaster and Running Away for a Second Time: a repeat tale of Best Laid Plans, Damage-Proof Critters, Repeated Failure, and Tucking of Tails
  10. Of Information, Silver, and Revenge: Changing plans and getting our own back against the bitey creatures
  11. Of Reckless Abandon, Reckless Endangerment, and some Very Fine Days in the Forests and Mountains
  12. Of Scouting and Orcs and Scouting and Bears and Scouting and Giants and Scouting and Hobgoblins and Scouting and Goats and Scouting and Chimneys and Exploring and Spiders
  13. Of Undead Hordes and Almost Dead Adventurers
  14. Of Saving Humans, Swatting Mosquitos, "I'm not Scared, You're Scared" game with Banshees, and Harbin Fucking Wester
  15. Addendum: Of Infinite Pools of Living Liquid, Dark Visions, And a Growing Fog of Evil
  16. Of Tracking and Human Trafficking and Things That Never Die
  17. Of Moss Terrors, Monsters with One Body and Two Heads, and Monsters with One Head, but Two Bodies.
  18. Of Breaking and Entering, Obstinate Dwarves, Fighting Outside Our Element, and Pillow Fights with Critters that Don't Die.
  19. Of Long Rests That Really Aren't All That Restful
  20. Of the Search for Things that Burn, and the Search for Things to Burn