Lives over loot

i should have run

i should not have stayed to watched the madame it was a mistake i should have run but i did not and now i can only see blood i cannot stay here, i cannot look at the madame without seeing the blood on her hands i will leave tonight take...

10:33 pm - 07.09.2019

allies?

this new city is very very interesting it reminds me much of Bandar, still crowded and loud and full of too many people but no one has tried to kill me yet and it is possible i have made allies. . .at the very least they seem to be as invested as m...

12:58 am - 08.09.2019

Épibeuge

arrived to get a ship as part of the S.H.I.T. race to Vulcrom

i feel. . .

i abhor useless violence but i will do whatever it takes to leave this place. it it too close to Bandar, too close to the madame, too close to her spies. i need to get further. i swam through blood to get here, a little more surely will be worth it, o...

11:45 pm - 14.09.2019

The Race to Vulcrom Begins!

the boat is small but her crew is mighty

Level 4!

growing and learning and getting better

the race begins in earnest

normally, i enjoy being awake early enough to watch the sunrise. but i do not recall a time i have done so from the mast of a ship. i can still feel the way the wind ripples along my fur and the smell of salt mixed with the overbearing tang of city living...

02:22 pm - 13.10.2019

Sanna

the patches in my fur that the acid splashed no longer sting and i feel i can now sit on the deck and enjoy the fresh salt air instead of hiding below i am very used to being on my own. even when employed by the Madame, i was unique and still very much...

03:22 pm - 13.10.2019

Sparkos

i greatly enjoy climbing, being high above all things was a rare joy in Bandar...but on a boat it is simply splendid, an unexpected pleasure considering we are surrounded by [b]water[/b]. and while i do not mind scaling the mast and defying death cons...

12:52 am - 15.10.2019

Grim

it was caleb who taught me to be kind, and it is him i think of when i leave gifts Grim is hurt, missing a toe from the same Pudding that scorched my fur, and i am completely and utterly useless as how to help i have left him several trinkets, lit...

12:58 am - 15.10.2019

i hate the rain

rain is cold, it burrows into my bones, steals the warmth from my fur, the breath from my lungs. even here, on the ocean, i can still taste how it would mingle with the smoke of Bandar, the sour taste robbing me of a chance at fresh water. i can still rec...

11:19 pm - 19.10.2019

i am right in this

once again, trusting others only leads to pain and suffering i will do what it takes to survive i will do my job i will make it to this new land and i will make sure i am alive to see tomorrow even if in the end i am alone ...

10:29 pm - 26.10.2019

Level 5!

Blessed be these hit points

Vulcrom

we have finally arrived. i am curious as to what secrets hide in this new city

we have an understanding

i fear the secrets Vulcrom holds. i fear how much potential this place has. . .and how much that potential will attract the eyes of others and most of all i fear how much the past seems to leak into my future i see Caleb in the faces of others...

10:50 pm - 16.11.2019

i hate this

the Madame was not a kind person, she did not save me because she cared about me as a person but because i am skilled i was useful and grateful and did not question her i fear her retribution should she find me but i do not regret running and seizin...

11:06 pm - 23.11.2019

knowledge is power

knowledge is everything, my uncanny ability to seek out hidden routes and information is what made me such a powerful tool for the Madame but so was my own anonymity now i am a thief that is well known and hated in a city i was supposed to disappea...

12:51 am - 01.12.2019

the truth is painful

i feel...ashamed i did what i needed to to survive, i know this, but having to tell the crew was. . .unexpectedly painful the day seems to be filled with unexpected pain first there was Moldal, we have discovered that our gorgon friend in the ...

11:05 pm - 07.12.2019

i am conflicted

i came here for a new start, for the freedom to be a person, to make my own choices, to be more than just one of many tools in the Madame's arsenal yet i find myself continuing to act as i was when i was with her. i fail to see how leaving changed...

06:09 pm - 21.12.2019

I LOST MY ARM

i lost my arm i lost my arm i lost my arm i lost my arm I LOST MY ARM I LOST MY FUCKING ARM [the rest of the page is scratched, some places the ink seems to have become runny and warped, and the page is full of the same phrase but the hand writi...

10:31 pm - 11.01.2020

lost my fucking arm

cowardly bitch cut my fucking arm off, now i will cut his head off

everything has gone to fucking shit

and i have lost my fucking arm thank the gods i am left handed but so much has happened, and very little of it makes sense to me; perhaps writing it will make sense - we were trying to help our hidden friend find answers and find a cure - Ma...

11:46 pm - 11.01.2020

growth and change?

Michael, blessed be him, is going to make me an arm with the aid of Sparkos I am grateful, even if it does grieve me a bit to be without it but perhaps it is for the best (is this what they call, personal growth?) ** the small blue friend...

10:33 pm - 18.01.2020

people are difficult

connections are tenuous at best as a child, the world taught me that we are on our own, that trusting others will lead to stolen blankets and kicked in ribs as a youth, it taught me that even people who care for you will leave you, regardless of t...

11:48 pm - 25.01.2020

freedom?

i'm not sure how to feel Caleb used to tell me that the truth made him lighter, freer but i do not feel lighter or freer but i also do not feel worse perhaps this is where i create a fresh start a real one this time i will work on it, with the...

10:29 pm - 01.02.2020

i am trying

i am trying to be better it is so much harder to think of the greater good and i fear the mental work it causes me may one day be too much i do not know how anyone does this all the time things that i have to be better: - did not try to bargain...

12:21 am - 09.02.2020

a quest for friendship and adventure

perhaps Caleb had a point he bought my affections with pretty baubles, and though i feel no romantic affections for Enrora, i feel that perhaps this could also benefit although she does not seem to like me much at the moment. . . regardless i am...

10:27 pm - 22.02.2020

lost my fucking leg

an ant ripped it off. a fucking ant

my fucking leg

(scrawled in wild handwriting and smeared with blood) grim drugged me i might not be able to hold a pen soon i lost my fucking leg hah! it's gone and there is no michael here no other churches is this my punishment? is sparko...

11:42 pm - 29.02.2020

friendship and fire

i feel as though Enrora and I are friends oddly enough, it was with same method that Caleb used with me pretty words and pretty gifts and. . .and honesty. . .perhaps the honesty weighed more in for it all * the search for a leg is proving...

11:48 pm - 07.03.2020

a girl and her horse

i just. . . i am surprised, but also not gods i do not know how to feel. . . i had thought we were friends, i had thought she was one of us, i had thought. . . i had a lot of thoughts and i don't know what to do because i guess. ...

09:48 pm - 21.03.2020

spinning

part of me feels bad for lashing out, for giving into the past of anger and threats but a larger part of me does not care but i should care right? i wanted to be better, but i feel like i am becoming worse. . . i care for Sanna, Grim, Blue, a...

10:31 pm - 28.03.2020

Sanna died

my captain, my leader, my friend you will be missed أتمنى لك السلام

she deserved better

losing limbs hurt less than this she was my captain she was my leader she was my. . .my friend she is not the first person i have seen die she will not be the last but she is one of the only few that i cared for . . . . Cale...

10:18 pm - 04.04.2020

with purpose now

i am still angry i do not think i will ever not be angry over Sanna's death but just as i cannot be afraid forever, i cannot be angry forever either as much as i want to as much as it pains be to be anything [b]but[/b] angry as much as it...

10:49 pm - 11.04.2020

to thieves and tools

i have always been a thief and a seeker, i can remember being nothing else it is the reason i survived for so long it is the reason the Madame took notice of me, valued me when i ran i did not just steal gold, i stole my own usefulness but...

10:14 pm - 18.04.2020

happiness?????

i . . . hmm. . . i have a date? with Cascade?? who is not only the captain of the guard but also now the general of the navy??? . . . . i have pinched myself repeatedly and this does not appear to be a dream so . . . then this is real ...

10:06 pm - 25.04.2020

crushing

i feel so much my heart will for certain burst out of my chest at any moment i l. . .like Cascade a great deal more than i thought i would more than i thought i [i]could[/i] i had thought that the affection i have for my friends was ove...

09:43 pm - 02.05.2020

"knowledge is power, always"

that was one of the many lessons the Madame taught me she is an awful person, she creates awful people, but in this she was not wrong knowledge is the most powerful currency, i know this, i was her best scout, her most loyal, i was a messenger of s...

11:06 pm - 09.05.2020

the truth feels overrated

i feel like, perhaps, i could have lied to Cascade and it could have gone better but at least he . . .kind of listened. . . sort of. . . . but also not really. . . i am not well versed in baring the truth myself, i am much more adept at holdi...

09:58 pm - 16.05.2020

the gods have a sick sense of humor

and i am incredibly nauseous from it all ...

11:31 pm - 23.05.2020

they will be the death of me

i cannot begin to comprehend the absolute madness of this city to have immense power and [i]still[/i] allow people to suffer how is it that so many people are now dead when the most corrupted are left unscathed and still in charge???? in Bandar, the...

05:24 pm - 24.08.2020

questionable at best

Bonnie is aggravating i understand that i have done some . . .questionable. . .things in my past but i am trying to do better trying to make amends but she is a constant walking reminder of everything i tried to leave behind and what is ...

09:22 pm - 05.09.2020

point of progress

i have a starting point South of Alquisão i do not remember much but i remember sand and music and sweet fruit and if i cannot find Caleb then perhaps i can at least learn about me ...

08:29 pm - 12.09.2020

the same cloth

i feel as though Meryll and i are cut from similar cloths lost, alone, unwanted found by a powerful person who exploited us for our talents fled after realizing the horror our actions on behalf of said person and now trying to be better pe...

08:33 pm - 26.09.2020

a new fear

i had thought that my biggest fear was dying i gave up everything, for the best chance not to die but yesterday i heard her voice and the terror i felt it was not all for me it was for my. . .my friends the fear i felt was for Ast...

09:31 pm - 24.10.2020

strong and shiny

i miss him more with music, but it is always there it is easier to miss him when i am drunk it hurts both more and less i miss his strong heart, full of conviction and passion and desire to do good i miss his shiny aura, the way he would...

12:39 am - 10.11.2020

Lives over loot

i am proud of us we came up with a plan, a plan to save a life regardless of the loot (although to be frank, if my companions did not ah, dismiss all the danger, my plan was to come back in the night and grab the crate once everyone was safe) ...

10:42 pm - 05.12.2020