The Matt of Madness

10-03-2020: Game Thirty-Five: The Matt of Madness
 
There was magic in this world once, but they stole it all away.
 
The elven leader was hung from the ceiling in one of the ducks nets. The smoke-filled room was foul with the stench of Bastard, his chain-blades exhaust, and the now-drying Gith Blood all over the party. He began to elaborate about the ‘Key’ the Gith had mentioned. Bastard began to threaten a variety of dismemberments.
 
“Apparently, the stories were true: The dwarves had some sort of Mechanical Steam-Powered things that were not magical but definitely not false tales.” He produces a metal ankh: “This was the key I found.” Bastard fondled the key, thinking back to fancy tales his grandpappy once told him. Tales of monstrously large titans of metal, walking the lands.
 
A search for a secret door ensued. They discovered a spiral staircase leading to an elevator which led to a room far below. The level of technology in this strange place seemed beyond that of the Corporations of the Ashlands as well as the Strange Super Science of the Trolloch federation. The illumination of the room they were in seemed magical, but surely it was something else entirely. The elf leader was shouting about how it was all wrong. So wrong!
 
The stale air hung heavy in their nostrils as they explore the foyer that had found themselves in. They came to a set of metal double doors: an ankh-shaped impression was waiting for the key, and when inserted it quickly opened. The elven champion was fearful, asking his god for protection against what lay beyond.. . .
 
-----
 
Penelope gestured at the viewscreen she had created. Her strikingly white suit seemed to crackle in the light coming through. She suggested her away team go and take care of whatever it was the Jafaa could not seem to handle. When asked how they were to return, she offered a small mechanical device (cellular phone style): she said to “Give me a call and we will get you back here.”
 
The Jafaa had reports of a mysterious castle and were sent to investigate. They detected Gith, and an unknown third force. They engaged them, lost contact, and now of course curiosity was too great to bear. So the Bravo Brethren leapt through the portal and found themselves in the small wooded area near a strangely designed stone castle.
 
Hastily looted Jafaa corpses,, Gith Corpses, and Elf corpses were in somewhat neat piles just inside the castle. A Large red Dragon shaped pile of gore was present as well: skinned and choice organs removed.
 
They began to wonder if they were perhaps in over their heads here, but ultimately their self-confidence won out. They entered the ravaged castle through the wall breach the Jafaa had used to enter.
 
Yuk claimed he was hungry, but both of his hands were full of different street-vendor food from the city of Humus. A half-dozen shiskebabs in one hand and a half-eaten haunch of some bird-lizard creature in the other.
 
After several intense minutes of searching they found their way down to the castle's sublevels. The stench of smoke was great, and as they fought their way through it it never seemed to fade. Almost like some malevolent force kept belching out foul miasma in their path.
 
More stripped Gith bodies and a handful of elves lay on the floor: Blood, severed limbs, and a strange scent they could not quite put their fingers on. Senna inspected the magical circle, finding it was written in the Gith language. It wasn’t quite a summoning circle, more of a scrying device.
 
They found the spiral staircase, and found their way into the elevator. .
 
-----
 
Charlie team found a vast chamber, full of massive metal man-shaped statues and reasonably sized doors. Wrecker did not have any knowledge of these larger seeming versions of himself. He did reveal that he had been a low-level enforcer of a wizard in the Mageocracy though, an interesting insight into his past.
 
Ophelia started to very carefully cut a hole in the protective glass before the metal suit. Wrecker stepped up as she was almost done cutting a concentric circle into it, loudly smashing the whole pane and showering them both with bits of glass. Ophelia lifted Bastard by the scruff of his neck and placed him on the head of the strange metal suit for closer inspection. He attempted to open up the visor in the helmet: did not seem to see anything. It seemed that this suit at least, was hollow. Ophelia tried worming her way in but the suit seemed quite well sealed.
 
The two elves were speaking secretly in their language, out of earshot of the others. Yuk sauntered up, wiping his greasy hands off on the cape of one of the elves and making a nuisance of himself. They told him that they were happy they had been led here, but they’d be taking over shortly.
 
Wrecker alarmed the rest of the Charlie team that the elevator was returning. Suddenly a party of adventurers poised for battle were arriving in the room. Staff weapons were opened and aimed at the door, the revving noise of a chainsaw as Bastard brandished his blade.
 
A tense moment later, the Bravo Bandolier Brothers introduced themselves. Mild banter ensued between both parties. ‘Is that a duck? Is that a talking duck?’ ‘Mine’s bigger.’ ‘She isn’t wearing much is she.’ ‘Did they bring noodles?’ ‘’They seem to have elves with them.’ ‘A robot?’ ‘What the hell is that smell, and why is there so much smoke down here?’
 
Yuk pulled a protein bar out of his hair, eating it to deal with the stress of the moment.
 
“There’s a big old pile of dead guys upstairs. Any idea why?”
 
“They killed each other”, croaked a laughing bastard. “Yeah mine’s bigger.”
 
“Is- Is it really?” A blushing lionel rubbed his hands up and down his spear. It didn’t get any bigger, but it didn’t get any smaller either.
 
The elf leader was whispering antagonistic things in the ear of Bastard, holding his breath between words and grimacing each time he needed to breathe. Bastard belched in his face, and he recoiled visibly.
 
“State your intentions or be blown away.” Uttered Wrecker
 
“Are you sure you want to damage the only way out of this place?” Ophelia gestured at the elevator. “No I don’t think you’ll be doing any blowing.”
 
“”Where’d you get the weapon?” “When I liberated myself from a Jafaa Mining Prison, I took it for my own.”
 
“Do you think he wears a diaper cuz he can’t find any clothes that fit? And that duck should have some pants. He looks tasty though.”
 
“If anyone is eating the duck, it’ll be me.”
 
“Okay push that button. Let’s talk with Penelope.” “Hi Penelope.” “Yes, how can I help you?” “There’s a group down here and they seem to have gotten here first.” “Turn your hand towards them. No, your other hand.” “No you can look at me again. I’ll be right there.”
 
A window opened in the wall between the two parties. Through the window, the backdrop of a high-rise building in Humus of the Trolloch federation, Penelope was relaxing behind a desk.
 
“I am sending in some Roman reinforcements.”
 
A pair of Roman bodyguards stepped out of the window and Penelope got up and barged her way through.
 
“Excuse me! Coming through. Watch that helmet plume. Oh,, Darkwing Duck, E Honda, Iron Man Two, Ugh: You need a shower, and you need a makeover. And your elf plus two. Cute.”
 
“This is unacceptable!” The elf leader got more and more blustered, every time he tried to talk Penelope shushed him. Eventually his lips disappeared.
 
“Look there’s only one Goddess and I follow her.” “Guess you’re following me then.” “How do I convert again?”
 
“So what was down here again?” “Some suits, they’re well sealed…” “You know they are suits?” “Suits of armour.” “Of course. I’ll be taking over from here, now I see what was happening. Oh some sort of jamming apparatus. I’ve taken care of that. And now I’ll be taking that. Now we just need some pilots, of course. “
 
“This is far beyond acceptable!” The elf leaders lips had reappeared for one last whine, before Ophelia cut his fragile elven throat.
 
“Oh is it elf killing time?!” Bastard was already leaping at the paladin, Chainblade roaring with a glee all its own.
 
The duck was creeping along the wall towards Bravo team. Penelope squealed with delight, pinching his feathered cheeks: “I love this world! You guys just don’t understand how wonderful this world is. Oh.”
 
“So why did you say you needed pilots? There’s just suits of armour down here.”
 
 
“So these suits should be able to house a pilot, and will mimic their body’s movements so they can operate and fight in them.”
 
“I want to wear one.”
 
“You’re a bit big dear.”
 
“I don’t really want to let the Jafaa share in this tasty little secret. Hmm, what’s a girl to do.””
 
“Sounds a lot like you need yet another secret subdivision. Some other team.”
 
“I won’t be in another situation serving a master.”
 
“”As a bandolier brother, you’d be your own master.”
 
“I don’t want to be outranked by some newcomers. .”
 
“Well they’d technically be another squad, maybe Charlie brothers.”
 
“I’ll join, but only if Big boy there fights me.” Bastard was already running at Lyle as he shouted.
 
A brief, and filthy melee followed. Bastard laid blow after blow upon Lyle, who begrudgingly knocked him over the head over and over. Eventually Bastard yielded, plunging his blade into the ground.
 
“Oh laddy, yours is indeed bigger. I will be a bandolier brother. A new crew and a new goddess all in one day. A bit exhausting.” Reaching out, he caressed the glaive of Lyle longingly.
 
The window to Humus finally closed, and Penelope and her pair of guardians walked through the doors into the grand hall containing the ‘Suits’.
 
“”Does this brotherhood have a good kitchen?” “Oh yeah, just like Hell’s Kitchen.” “Devil chefs? I’m in.” “If Ophelia is in, I suppose I shall follow.”