Mattfall

05-02-2020: Game Twenty-Seven: Mattfall
 
There was magic in this world once, but they stole it all away.
 
Meanwhile; back in the heart of the Trolloch Federation The ragtag group of the Charlie Brothers moved ever northwards towards an actual mining outpost.
 
The two monks snapped out of their trancelike state. As it turned out, only the corpulent fellow was a monk. The other was a harbinger of sorts, laying claim to his enemies and profiting from their demise.
 
The fat one was called Yakuzio.
 
Walking on a foreign sort of sandal and clad in little more than a loincloth, it seemed any other clothing would simply burst at the seams should he try to wear it. Rarely would be be seen without an item of food in one hand, or better: both.
 
The thin one was a doctor of ‘battle’. He preferred to be called simply: “Doctor”.
 
Tall and gangly, his hands were never at rest; twitching even when the rest of his body was at rest.
 
The Charlie brothers weren’t being especially quiet as they trekked northwards. The whistling of the dwarves: drunk from spoils of the bandit camp raid was easily heard for miles. The bandit leader (Jack) who they had let go had gathered a new crew of hapless minions to throw carelessly away at a moment's notice.
 
“Take them down, anyone with one of those weird staves: take them down!”
 
The previously hidden troop of bandits unleashed volleys of arrows and a handful of spears at the wrecker. One of them slightly scratched his armour. Yuk slowly rolled forward, bowling over the bandit leader and opening a packet of noodles. Doctor launched a blast with his staff, splattering one bandit and striking fear into the hearts of the others.
 
Fighting through their fear, the bandits launched a volley of arrows at the doctor. His body was riddled and immediately drained of blood. He fell to the ground, quite dead. Ophelia licked her lips, thinking of the fresh meat.
 
The other half of the bandits launched a salvo at The Wrecker, and were quite ineffective.
 
Ophelia launched herself at one of the bandits, rending him to pieces. The wrecker blasted another one into oblivion.
 
Jack wiggled in the grasp of Yuk, quite unable to escape. Yuk tossed him at another bandit, and they crumbled in an exhausted heap.
 
The duck rushed up with the aid of a smoke-pellet’s cover, skewering one of the bandits.
 
Ophelia ran into the fleeing bandits, gutting them and leaving no survivors.
 
The wrecker moved to inspect the arrow filled corpse of his former ally: the doctor: still dead.
 
One of the dwarves grew a backbone, and moved up to loot the body of the dead Doctor proclaiming: “He doesn’t need this anymore.” When asked for a name, the only word he said was ‘Bastard’. So the tale of Bastard the bearded beauty began.
 
Yuk and the Duck cut down the last of the minions leaving only a beaten up jack. Yuk decided to end the life of the bandit leader Jack, and with a resounding pop he thought his neck was quite snapped. As it turned out: It was just a packet of ancient jerky snapping loudly, and as the Charlie brothers moved northward after looting the bandits, Jack stopped playing dead and crept away. They had made an enemy this day, and would surely regret it. Probably.
 
The sound of delightful music grew louder and louder: The plucked strings of a lute carried on the wind soon joined by a lilting flute, cymbals, and a growing coterie of instruments. Soon they found themselves at a gypsy troop. Delighted at the arrival of less-thievish seeming travellers, they beckoned hello.
 
Bastard immediately sought out goodness in the camp. He found none. He looked at his companions. He found none except the duck: who probably also tasted good.
 
The duck mentioned that these were a band of gypsies known for their generosity and love of gambling. Their fondness of games of chance was very well known. Card games, bones to throw, and more. A strange dice appeared in the hand of one of the gypsies, and the resulting toss resulted in everyone in the camp being whisked away in a blast of cursed energy.
 
The duck gained the ability to grant a temporary misfortune, followed by fortune to one lucky target (one target gets -1 to next roll, +1 to following roll).
 
The bastard dreamed of a strange castle filled with cute bearded ladies and men: dreaming of punishing them in fun ways. This never came to fruition, and he found it hard to concentrate. (-1 to will saves)
 
Yuk found himself encountering a strange old man every 3 days like clockwork.
 
Both Ophelia and The Wrecker found themselves with the ability to get lucky, then unlucky once per day. (self +1 to a roll, then -1 to next roll)
 
The elder appeared: Suggesting that the presence of this curse was an indicator that the cursed black knight was nearby. The Poly-savvy effect only had the one explanation. He beseeched them to save the troop from the black knight. He offered money, love, anything they needed. Apparently he would challenge everyone present simply for having been there.
 
Around an hour later a warrior carrying a sword in one hand and a large steel shield in the other came clanking into the camp. He spoke in a deep, disturbing voice sending a shiver down the spine of those present: ”None shall Pass.”
 
Bastard challenged him to single combat, after detecting good and once again finding none except the duck: who probably tasted good. He called out to his dwarven brothers: “Watch this laddies!”. He attempted to touch the Black knight, and initially did not. The Knight attempted to return the attack, and missed quite badly.
 
The next time Bastard reached out he poked the black knight, sickening him thoroughly. He returned with a swing of his sword, moderately effective.
 
The fight, or perhaps the stench of the bastard was starting to tucker out the black knight, and though he claimed the bastard was weak and about to perish he found it increasingly hard to lift his sword.
 
Bastard winked very creepily at the black knight invoking a curse most foul, his foe could barely stand on his feet, lopping off one of his arms. His sword strike in retaliation was weak at best. Bastard continued the assault: actually putting his blade into the ground and making a lewd gesture with both hands. Shortly thereafter his other arm was removed. He remained in combat, offering headbutt after headbutt, and missing. The next few headbutts were hits though, knocking some sense into Bastard.
 
Eventually one of his legs was sheared off. Bastard danced out of the way, catching his breath. About a minute later a few more blows were exchanged, severing the other leg from this fearsome foe. Worming his way forward he gnashed with his teeth at the bastard. Sensing a moment for a refreshment, the Bastard stole the bottle of booze from one of his brothers before returning to decapitate the mostly helpless foe. His dying words were lost amidst the rolling of the cursed dice as the brothers were sucked through a hole in time and space, and found themselves somewhere quite different.
 
The language spoken there was rather different, and they realized that perhaps they were no longer in the Trolloch federation after all. The field they found themselves in was filled with peasants harvesting wheat.
 
Upon questioning the local populace, it appeared they were now in the rather lawless Reichs of Jymlünd. He asked if they were lost, offering a place to stay and many noodles if only they could perform a small task. At the mention of noodles, Yukuzio offered the groups assistance without knowing a thing about the task at hand. The look of relief on the peasantry was alarming: As they revealed more information.
 
They had to give almost all of their harvest to the local lord as tithes. Bandits were also collecting ‘tithes’ in the name of the local lord, but in fact not in his name!
 
Bastard mentioned he had recently disarmed a fierce knight attempting to block the party's progress. His tales of prowess in combat put the peasantry further at ease, and they mentioned where they thought the bandits were located. They also mentioned some family heirlooms of a light wooden shield and a dagger as further compensation.
 
Many noodles were prepared. A feast the likes of which this town had not seen in some time. Yukuzio at his fill. And everyone elses. A succulent Asian meal, and a thorough rest.
 
The bandits seemed to come mostly at night, mostly. They forced themselves into a neighbor's house and did horrible things to her. Bastard went to interrogate her. Ophelia finished eating what was left of the Doctor.
 
The Charlie brothers knocked upon the door of the cottage, and found that the bandits were actually in the house and about to roll a strange looking dice. As they arrived, the dice made impact.
 
Ophelia found herself with the same power as before, once again. As did the duck.
 
Yukuzio found that no matter his accomplishments, he was never actually given credit despite clear evidence to the contrary.
 
Bastard found himself quite the same: literally never quite smelling clean, regardless of attempts to clean him. As did the Wrecker.
 
This dice needed to be stopped: its random magic was increasingly annoying.
 
Ophelia was quick on her feet, taking a shape similar to the were-rat bandits in the building and suggesting that she had brought dinner (the duck). The boss of the bandits came downstairs eager for some fresh meat. Introductions were quick. The bastard wiggled his fingers, annoying the rats. The duck still didn’t quite get it, and Bastard pushed him out of the way.
 
The duck tossed a smoke pellet on the ground, using the darkness to stab at one of the rats. Yuk grabbed at the leader, Ophelia leapt in hammering one of the rats into the floor. Bastard leaned in, grinning and poking at the leader of the rats in his belly. He did not like it.
 
The wrecker aimed his staff at the other bandit rat, and missed blowing a large hole in the side of the house. The duck threw a dart at the leader, not piercing his hide. Yuk slammed the rat into the wall.
 
Ophelia leapt up, slamming into the other bandit. The leader nipped Yuk, it felt nice and made him rather uncomfortable. Bastard poked the rat once again, making him feel more sick to his stomach. All over Yuk. The wrecker took aim once more and blasted another hole in the wall.
 
The duck finished off the rat leader in Yuk’s arms. He moved to pick up the other rat. Ophelia quickly cut him down. Bastard looked toward Yuk, asking as they looted the bandits: “So does everything in your hands go limp?”
 
From outside the wall they heard “None shall pass!” and the clank of the black knights boots.