Session 129

General Summary

• The party worked with the "Nondescript Halfling" to solve an art-based puzzle that "The Damsel" had designed to communicate with them in secret.
• Upon solving it, they were able to retrieve their starlight-based weaponry needed to battle the Manifestations of the Mirage.
• The entities were much larger this time, and thus they were able to hit multiple targets at once, at slightly longer ranges.
• In the brief moments after the battle, the nondescript halfling warned that the tethers and storms in the Red Desert — i.e., symptoms of "the problem The Damsel has right now" — are not getting any better from whatever the party is doing on the outside.
• Back on the outside, the snail that gave the Wandering Temple its name had wandered just inside of the no-man's-land near The Wall™, evaporating it near-instantly and causing the tower to begin collapsing with the party inside.
• The party escaped to the tunnel, and Kesmet teleported them safely back to the Undermart of Ashport, using one of Deuce's smokey caramels as an anchor.
• Kesmet finally got Deuce to serve him a real drink for the first time. It's 125% alcohol.
• Dazki started into a heated discussion with Theran, and Dwardazik started to join in, but Barry suggested that they hash it out back home.
• Annu wants a full report from the party, which Dazki has promised he will get in "a few hours".
• Back home, the party and Theran worked through the conflict that has been brewing ever since Theran showed up.
• Theran is finally convinced that the party has been telling the truth about what happened to Grogery, after reading Marvin's mind (with permission).
• Theran claims that his interest in druid stuff started quite a while ago. When his brother died thirteen years ago, he became next-in-line, so his parents discouraged that, but he never lost that interest. He got really serious about pursuing those studies once Grogery stopped Sending to him as frequently, and he wanted to go his own way about it.
• During Grogery's final battle, the Red Desert showed him a vision of what had happened to Grogery and asked if he wanted to help. He said yes, and that's how he got teleported. He now knows that the vision he saw was actually Grogery's death, so he feels like he's been tricked.

Full Recap

Code Red

Kesmet: Hey, Dazki, isn't that the weird pony thing that broke your legs that one time?   Dazki: Yeah, these are the monsters we've seen a bunch of times before.   Kesmet: I don't like them.   Marvin: They seem... different.   Dazki: Definitely bigger!   Dwardazik: You don't suppose they gain power the more of 'em we take out, eh?   Marvin: That's certainly one theory.   Dwardazik: Maybe it's an intimidation tactic. You know what they say: the bigger they are, the harder they fall.   Kesmet: Or the harder they stomp you into the ground.   Dwardazik: Well, you all know as well as I do that some shit's about to go down, and we're probably gonna go fight something. So, be careful, all right? ...wait, Theran?   Theran: Yeah?   Dwardazik: Aww damnit, how you holdin' up?   Theran: Well, those are big, terrifying monsters that look out of someone's worst nightmare.   Dazki: You'll be fine. Deal with it.   Theran: Are we awake? Are we asleep? What's going on?   Dazki: Doesn't matter. Just kill the things.   Dwardazik: Look, you know how Kesmet's a wizard?   Theran: Uh... sure, now, I guess?   Dwardazik: Imagine a really fucked-up wizard decided to teleport you to a different plane of reality, except it's not a different plane of reality — it is reality, just a twisted version of it. And then a dark lord is trying to destroy you.   Nondescript Halfling: I'm glad that these introductions are all happening, but maybe they can happen after we've solved the problem?   Dazki: And what is the problem?   Nondescript Halfling: The big giant monsters. You see them too, right?   Dazki: Yes...   Kesmet, sarcastically: What big giant monsters?   Nondescript Halfling: We need starlight to defeat them, but look! Clouds, no stars.   Dwardazik: All right... how does the light of the stars defeat those creatures?   Nondescript Halfling: Listen, man, that's just how it's been working, all right?   Theran: Makes just as much sense as anything else here...   Nondescript Halfling: I have a problem, Star People show up, starlight rains down, they fight the monsters, and everything's good again, for a long while.   Kesmet: I dunno, those monsters seem bigger and scarier. Maybe the starlight's just temporarily disabling them and helping them grow. Kinda like with fertilizer in the winter.   Marvin: Traveler, do you remember us from the last time we were here?   Nondescript Halfling: Is it the same Star People every time? You've never really given a name...   Dazki: We have indeed been here before.   Nondescript Halfling: Maybe it's the same Star People every time... wait, how many times?   Dazki: Let's see... I think this is our fifth time here.   Marvin: Only the third, for me.   Nondescript Halfling, after thinking and counting on his fingers a while: That seems low. But that's fine. I only have access to blue starlight. We're gonna need more than that to break through these clouds. I've reconfigured B.E.S.S.I.E. here — my transdimensional transponder — I can punch a hole in the storm.   Dazki: ...sounds like there's a "but" coming...   Nondescript Halfling, hesitating a little: ...ehh... the colors of starlight need to be in the correct order.   Dwardazik: OK, OK, I don't understand what kind of machinery you're trying to do here, but I thought we needed the starlight. We already have the starlight?   Dazki: He has one color.   Dwardazik: Aren't we trying to get rid of the clouds to get the starlight?   Nondescript Halfling: And then the beam rains down, it smashes the thing into magical weapons, and you defeat the beasts. That's what happens every time.   Dazki: Yeah.   Dwardazik: OK, I think I'm picking it up. So we need to find a way of clearing the clouds.   Nondescript Halfling: I have a way of clearing the clouds. The Damsel and I have a plan.   Dwardazik: So you need the starlight.   Dazki, increasingly annoyed: Let him finish, Dwardazik!   Dwardazik: It doesn't make any sense, OK? I'm trying to save our lives here.   Dazki: It does if you listen!   Theran: Let him finish!   Dazki: For Gods' sakes, stop being an idiot!   Nondescript Halfling: Guys, there's terrible beasts...   Dazki: Yeah, and one of em's the fuckin' dwarf!   Nondescript Halfling: ...we don't have time for this sort of bickering. You're Star Children, all right? So. The Damsel has given me a special thing that we can use to focus residual starlight energy. (He shows a large lens of somewhat red glass, with a beautiful silver ring around it. Like a magnifying glass without the handle.) You guys are just infested with starlight. If we can properly focus and magnify that into my device, we'll have enough energy to break through the storm. ...I don't get it either, all right? It just seems like some weird side plot ploy to make things take forever for me. But it's gotta work!   Dwardazik: ...so we're the starlight?   Dazki: We have residual starlight within us that we can use to break through the clouds so that we can get the actual starlight weapons.   Nondescript Halfling: Watch, watch — I know the blue light goes first...

The Damsel: It can listen to us, but it cannot see. We will use artistic expression to ơ̧b̜̌f̞͐u̗̾s̗̅c̾͢a͒͟ţ͛ḙ͆_{d͛ḯs̀ǵuis̈́ë}^{w͟hi̥sp̡e͙r͎}. Correct order important to f̟́o̝͐c̽͜u͈͘s̗͑^z̼o̪o̪m̺_{m̽a͝g̕ni͡f́ý} the energy. It can hear us, but it cannot hear you. I can show you, but you cannot show others. You must speak it. I will be as clear as possible.

This led into a puzzle segment, which I won't detail entirely. Each party member was shown one of the following images (the first was what the Nondescript Halfling had reproduced himself, which the Damsel must not have appreciated very much). The objective was to have the party members put the images in the "correct" order. After two failed attempts, they settled on the order shown below, which was correct:

Combat Summary

For the most part, the combat played out mostly how the others did: grab starlight weapons, and whenever an enemy got hit by everyone, that enemy was defeated. This time, the enemies only required five hits to get taken out. The nondescript halfling's blue light counted, and it could be applied by interacting with his machine. The enemies are also now capable of hitting multiple targets in range at once, thanks to their larger size.

• The Skittering Pony hit Kesmet on its first round before he had even gotten his starlight weapon, knocking him prone for most of this combat.
• Theran showed some of what he can do in combat, shapeshifting between various forms and casting more spells with strange names: "Stardust Pew-Pew", "Rawr I'm Nature-y", "Mega Frost Blast", and "Shooty Blam-Blam".

Zoop

Theran: OK, are they dead? Are they gone? Are they gone forever? PLEASE tell me that they're gone forever!   Dazki: Not forever, just until we come back here next time. Hopefully you won't have to deal with it. Marshall, what's going on? Or, "knight in shining armor"?   A knight in shining armor: Um... uh, you guys did it! Great! Thanks!   Dazki: What can you tell us about the Damsel, what's watching her, anything like that?   A knight in shining armor: Whatever you guys are doing over there in your Star Land makes these WAY more powerful! So... maybe if you could cut it out?   Dazki: No, we're reducing the number of them as well. The more of them there are, the more likely they are to collide with our worlds. We're trying to eliminate all of them.   A knight in shining armor: I still see more tethers and angrier storms. Whatever you're doing, it's certainly not helping resolve the main situation... the problem the Damsel has right now.   Dazki: Which is what?

Dazki opens the door to peek out.

Dazki: Everyone out of the tower, it's going to collapse! Quick, quick, we're right by The Wall™.

Theran casts Ultra Gravity Warp on everyone but Kesmet, who still has flight from earlier. They tumble into the black sand near The Wall™, Kesmet getting pelted by debris as the tower collapses.

Dwardazik: I hate sand... UGH, this is too damn hot!   Dazki: OK — Theran, stay close to me. Barry too: I don't think your meditation was very effective this morning, if I recall correctly.   Theran: No, I am not used to this.   Dazki: OK, do you see that opening in the distance? We're going to make a beeline for it, as quickly as we can.   Dwardazik: And look, Theran, it's going to get really hot until we can get under the tunnel. Just keep huffing through it, and you'll be fine. The sweating's good for your little elf skin.

Theran: So, uh, where are we going after we get back to not-the-Phantasmagoria?   Dazki: Our eventual goal is to get to Ashport. We're going to have to trudge through the Swamp to get to a river near here, and try to get a boat from there. It'll be a few days.   Kesmet: Or we could use this. (He pulls out a smokey caramel that he got from Deuce.)   Dazki: ...what do you mean?   Marvin: Is that like a teleportation item or something?   Kesmet: Yeah. Yes, Marvin, it is. Yes.   Marvin: What are you gonna do with that?   Kesmet: I can use my fire to rip a hole in reality and get us there faster. Or that could be the heat talking.   Dazki: I'm all for giving it a shot.   Kesmet: Are you sure? Because that sounded crazy after I said it out loud.   Dazki: Yes it did, but I trust you, Kesmet.   Theran: So, like, that... that definitely happened with everybody else, right? With the Red Desert, and the tethers dragging it towards this plane, and the HORRIBLE MONSTROSITIES that put razor blades inside of my blood?   Marvin: Especially the horrible monstrosities.   Dazki: Except for Aathu.   Dwardazik: That's a normal weekday around here.   Kesmet: It's OK, (He pats Theran on his head) I'm sorry I didn't believe you were real. (He hugs Theran)   Theran: Is that what happened with Grogery? One of those things?   Kesmet: Nah, he melted.   Dazki: Not quite.   Kesmet: Sorry I didn't think you were real. You're a real person, Theran. You're a real person, and I'm sorry I called you "Not Grogery" like three times.   Theran: ...thanks?

They walk far enough through the tunnel to get onto the Exignis side of The Wall™. Once they know they're there...

Kesmet: All right, everyone, get in a circle. Pucker your buttholes, this is gonna feel weird.   Marvin: Hey, man, I know we're friends, but not THAT good of friends...   Dwardazik: Yeah, am I gonna feel anything?   Kesmet: ...maybe.   Marvin: Do I turn my head to the side and cough?   Dazki: Just let Kesmet do his thing, guys...   Dwardazik: Marvin, don't give him any ideas, or else your butt will become your face.   Kesmet: Just... you know... ALAKABLAM!

Kesmet: Did it work? Are we alive? Are we dead?   Dazki: We are. Good job, Matchstick.   Dwardazik, to Deuce: You got that same drink you gave me last time?   Deuce has already placed it on the bar. Dwardazik sits down and starts drinking it.   Kesmet: OK! I didn't immolate anyone.   Marvin: Yeah, I can't believe that worked! You're right, Matchstick, that did kinda pucker the butthole a little.   Dwardazik: Nothing like alcohol to settle the stomach.   Theran: Uh, where are we?   Kesmet: Don't worry about it, but you need a fake name.   Dazki: He's already using a fake name.   Kesmet: Well, you need another fake name.   Barry: Maybe a fake face, too. People love to kidnap royalty.   Marvin: What do you mean, "already using a fake name"?   Theran: He doesn't think I am who I say I am. And it's actually pretty rude.   Dwardazik: Well, just trying to be popular by saying you are something, doesn't make you that thing.   Marvin: OK, I know we need a minute, but... real talk... if we need to establish what's going on here, if you don't think this is who he says he is, we shouldn't be traveling with him. So we either ditch him, or figure it out and work with him.   Dazki, turning to Theran: Well, I know you've been lying to us.   Theran: And I'm sure you've been lying to me too. Or at least doing as much as you can to hide the truth. There's no way — I mean, what do you expect to believe, that you guys are facing dangerous things, and out of the five of you, it's my brother that's the one who had to sacrifice himself?! You have any idea how that looks?   Dazki: He is the one who chose to.   Theran: How do I know that?! How do I know you're not just telling me that so that I believe you and play nice, while you find a way to tell my parents about me?!   Dwardazik: Boy, if you disrespect Grogery's sacrifice one more time...   Theran: I'm not disrespecting anything! It's just, you guys are treating me with these sanitized hands like you think I can't handle the real truth about what happened.   Dazki: We TOLD you the real truth about what happened.   Dwardazik: Yes. Apparently, you can't handle it, because you keep thinking it's fake. And what that tells us, more than anything, is that you're not made out to come with us. You can't even accept this one truth, and you really think you can continue to join with us? Pfft.   Dazki: Well, what questions do you have? What do you think we've been lying about?   Theran: Well, I have the ability to read minds —   Barry: ...guys...   Dazki: Yeah?   Barry: ...maybe we don't do this in the middle of the criminal underworld?   Theran: WHAT?!?!?!?! What the —   Marvin: I think this is exactly where we should do this...   Dazki: Fair point. We do have a private residence that we can take this to.   Marvin: Do we need to pay a visit to Her Majesty first?   Dazki: No, she can wait.   Marvin: ...yeah! Let's make her wait.   Dwardazik: Wait, wait, wait. Everyone, just be quiet. (He turns back to Deuce.) Please, another... another... (He gives a 2 gold tip.) please...   Kesmet: Mr. Bartender. I can also really use a drink. It's been quite a week.   Deuce: A little hair of the dog, perhaps?   Kesmet: I was hoping for something fruity, yet spicy.   Dwardazik: I've missed this for so long... this whiskey speaks to me on a level...   Dwardazik continues droning on, mumbling sweet-sounding gibberish into his glass.

Deuce: The wizards say that this wasn't possible.

Deuce: I sensed you needed something... stronger than normal. You seem weak and weary.   Kesmet, taking the glass: To peace, revenge, ... and the cost of both.

Kesmet downs the liquid, (Constitution Save 8) immediately becoming hammered.

Barry: Guys, like, seriously, we can't have arguments with royalty right next to the mob!   Dazki: All right, well, you could also just not... openly say that?   Barry: I'm whispering it!   Dazki: Well, let's get back to our residence as soon as our friends are done with their drinks here. We'll have the conversation that needs to be had.   Dwardazik: I'm ready to head on out. Can you really blame me? We've been there drinkin'... well, it's almost been magic all the way...   Kesmet, with a heavy slur: ...and I'm habbydrared too. letszgo.   Dwardazik: ...oh dear. I think you may have had something a bit too hard. Hey, uh, Grog— ...oh. Damnit.   Kesmet: urfacehard, mist — whoareyou? OK. I wanna carpet. letszgo.   Dazki: I think after what he's been through, he deserves this, though. Don't you guys?

Dwardazik walks off towards the mansion, in an extremely foul mood. Dazki pulls out the cellstone.

Annu: I have detected that you have arrived back in town. I expect a full report as soon as possible.   Dazki: We need a couple of hours. We will report to you shortly after. It's been trying.

They make it back home.

Home At Last

Dazki: You don't need to bow to us, Jersey. It's fine. But thank you.   Kesmet, still slurring: Jerseyou're a goodguy. You're naddawerewolf.   Jersey, bowing again: I apologize.   Dazki: It's fine, it's fine. Thank you.   Marvin: How have things been, here? Quiet, I hope?   Jersey: Quiet. Too quiet.   Marvin: Good.   Dwardazik moves to a chair by the table, still in a huff.   Dazki: Is everything OK?   Dwardazik: It should've been me, damnit!   Dazki: All right. I'm going to use all of the restraint that I have right now — which is very little. You told Theran not to disrespect the sacrifice that was made. Now, I'm telling you: don't disrespect the CHOICE that Grogery made. He CHOSE to do what he did, to protect all of us.   Kesmet: Yeah, he said to walkinthelight.   Dazki: There is no fate. It didn't have to be you. He made the choice. He did the right thing, as hard as it was. And you sitting here, saying it "should've" been you, is disrespectful of the choice and the sacrifice that he made. And I don't want to hear that. Do you understand, Dwardazik?   Dwardazik: I understand what you're saying.   Dazki: Honor his memory. And do what we can to bring him back.   Dwardazik: ...I'm gonna destroy Baxton. Make him pay for what he's done.   Dazki: Look at Kesmet. (Sorry, Kesmet, I do apologize, but...) Did revenge make him feel any better?   Kesmet: A lilbit.   Dazki: Besides, we don't know that it was the wrong thing. Baxton has been — according to Grogery — trying to become the person he always wanted to be. The person he desired to be. The person who only one other thought that he could be.   Dwardazik: What even happened to Baxton's ring, anyway?   Dazki: It's safe.   Dwardazik: Hmm. I'm sure it is.   Marvin: Dazki, while I couldn't agree with you more — and I know we're all going through quite a bit right now — but you really gotta get that stick out of your ass. We're all friends here, we're all on the same side. We're takin' it out on each other, when we should be focusing our efforts on recuperating and figuring out what our next move is.   Dwardazik: "Our next move" is giving Baxton's ring straight to Annu, so he can throw it into some eternal planar fire.   Marvin: He might not be happy with us that we kept that from him for so long.   Dazki: We'll discuss that shortly. First, I think "Theran" has some questions that he probably deserves answers to, and we have some questions for him.   Dwardazik: Ugh. All right. Let's do this. Like professionals.   Dazki: So, "Theran", what do you want to know that you believe we are being deceitful or untrue about? Maybe not intentionally, but what do you think we're keeping from you? What questions do you have? And please, respect our minds. Don't invade them.   Dwardazik: Don't remind me about that, either...   Theran: Every time you talk about what happened to Grogery, you're always covering it with the kind of language that my parents use. No specific details. I need hard proof about what happened to him. So here is what I would like to suggest: you know that I can read minds. If one of you volunteers and thinks very hard about the sequence of events that led up to this and how it actually happened, and allow me to see that memory as they're thinking about it, then not only will you be able to see that I can handle it, but I will have proof that what you are saying is true.   Marvin stands up immediately, but Kesmet speaks first.   Kesmet: Imalready sittynext'im, I — I knowut happend.   Theran: You're drunk, you won't be able to do it right.   Kesmet: I knowut happend.   Marvin: I am an open book, Theran. My mind is at your disposal.   Theran: Are the rest of you fine with this?   Dazki: His choice.   Dwardazik, slightly disgusted: It's his choice... ugh.   Theran: OK.

Theran casts "Really Good Insight" at Marvin. Marvin makes sure to put the memory of Grogery's last scene front-and-center in his thoughts.   (Wisdom Save 2) Marvin has been through a lot, and — though he is trying hard to focus on this final moment, other thoughts creep through. Editor's note: the "other thoughts" were revealed through a series of answers to questions that the DM asked. Theran now knows anything that was revealed through that conversation, reproduced below with VERY light copy editing (mainly to change it from third-person to first- and second-person):

DM: Is everything that has ever gone wrong with your life your fault?   Marvin: You know what? That is an extremely loaded question! Because I think I'm exactly where I need to be!   DM: Do you?   Marvin: I've done way more for myself in these last few months than I ever have before. So, while all of those things might have been shit, I don't even really care if it was my fault or someone else's! Because, hell, I'm making something of it now.   DM: People have died — or lost in space — because of you. Why are you more deserving than them?   Marvin: Also a loaded question! I don't think I'm deserving... if anything, this is a curse. I have to do this, because of the choice that I made in the past. You know, the far past, when I doomed my father to cosmic horrors.

Theran's eyes fill with tears as he sits back down.

Theran, muttering to himself: I can handle it... I can handle it... DARN IT, not again...   Dazki: What do you mean, "not again"?   Theran: Grogery's not the first of my brothers to die.   Marvin: You had more siblings?   Theran: My older brother. I know it was thirteen years ago, but it's still hard. I still think about him all the time. And now I'm going to have to think about Grogery all the time too. I feel like I was tricked into coming here! Why would I even get sent here if I can't even help save him?!   Dazki: Because maybe you can help bring him back.   Marvin: That's right. Through great effort, it could be done. Or so I hear.   Theran: OK. Fine. I can live with that. You guys obviously cared about him a whole lot.   Dazki: We weren't trying to treat you with kid gloves because we didn't think you could handle it. We were trying to be gentle because we knew you cared. Just like we cared. And we didn't want to hurt you, because... it does hurt. And I'm sorry if that came off as disingenuous. We were really just trying to be good about it.   Kesmet: Sokay, yerra goodkidd. Sokay. (He offers a smokey caramel.)   Marvin: He's older than you are, Kesmet.   Dazki: So, I have some questions for you now, if you are able to handle answering them?   Theran: All right. I can do it. What questions do you have?   Marvin: Why are you a druid?   Theran: That... is a loaded question.   Marvin: So, you're not a druid?   Theran: I am a druid. Would you believe that the person who wasn't in line to be the heir would have other interests outside of managing the land and the property and what not?   Marvin: Sounds like a tale as old as time...   Dazki: I'd believe that one. 100%.   Theran: And would you believe that suddenly being thrust in as the son of the household didn't make me lose interest in any of that?   Dazki: Fair enough.   Theran: There were some star druids in the area around my family's castle who needed to be consulted quite a lot for festivals, certain religious ceremonies, movements of the celestial bodies, and the like. I enjoyed talking with them a lot, but as you can imagine — sometime around thirteen years ago! —, my parents didn't really want me speaking to them as much. But I was still able to talk to them, get some texts from them, get some texts from my parents' library, and piece a lot of things together on my own.   Theran (cont'd): Most of this happened after Grogery stopped being able to contact me as much. Because I wanted a way to contact him back, and I didn't want to just follow what my parents were doing with their clerics and their holy rituals and all of that. I wanted to do it my way. I wanted to prove that I, and what I cared about, could be good enough to help him.   Dazki: And how did you manage to get to where we were?   Theran: All right. Um. You guys obviously understand that prejudice can be a dangerous thing, otherwise you wouldn't have given Grogery a chance... so I'm going to need you to put aside your prejudices a little bit. Um. I believe it was the Red Desert who contacted me with a vision, of sorts, of Grogery getting surrounded by these black tendrils of goo, and asked me if I wanted to help him. I said yes, and it teleported me to where you guys were.   Dazki: All right...   Dwardazik: So that would mean Mirage contacted him?   Dazki: No, probably "the lady".   Marvin: Well, that doesn't bode well.   Dazki: And why did you lie to us about how old you were?   Theran, with a very long sigh: OK. I'm not actually that young. I am 68. But would you believe that a person who wants to tag along with an adult group of adventurers would want to not, you know, immediately get kicked out for being 68?   Dazki: I was friends with the mob when I was 40. It's fine.   Theran: Oh, wow. Oh, wow! OK.   Dazki: OK, not REALLY good friends with some of the people until many years later, but look, I was third in line — well, fourth in line, technically, because of my older sister, but — black sheep of the family. My parents didn't give a shit about me, and —   Marvin: OK, OK, wait, I gotta get something cleared up. I've always wondered this. At what age are you guys considered "adults"?!   Dazki: About 110 or so.   Marvin: What the hell?!   Theran: Well, legally, from your first century on, you can get married.   Dazki: Yeah. Think of it as... families are very protective, because really low birth rates and really long gestation times for elves. My parents have had four centuries and six kids. That's a lot of children for an elf.   Theran: That is a lot of children for an elf...   Dwardazik: Fifty.   Marvin: FIFTY?! FIFTY, Dwardazik?!   Dwardazik: That's when you're considered a young adult as a dwarf.   Marvin: Oh. I thought that's... because when you said... I interpreted that VERY differently.   Dazki: Yeah, I thought for a split second you meant you had fifty siblings as well. That would've been damn impressive.   Dwardazik sighs.   Kesmet: ...allayour parents... had kids... (His head drops back down onto the table.)   Dwardazik: I'll have you know dwarven wives are... if they ever heard you say that, they'd beat you so senseless that — ...actually...   Marvin: Wouldn't they take that as a compliment?   Dwardazik: ...would they...? ...hmm... I think that would work...

Dazki gets up from the table and gives Theran a hug — and Theran hugs him back "perhaps tighter than one would expect from a near-complete stranger" — and he gives Kesmet a hug.

Dazki: Sorry, guys, I've been stressed (obviously), and seeing myself nearly killed was... rough. And losing Grogery, and the fight where other people — INNOCENT people — were lost, has also pushed me the wrong way.   Marvin glances at Dwardazik obviously, but he doesn't say anything.   Dazki: Marvin, thank you for giving me a kick in the ass. I appreciate it. You're a good man.   Marvin: Hey! I can't even reach your ass from down here!   Dazki: So — this is unrelated, but — Marvin, I'm gonna need an advisor. You want the job?   Marvin: Oh?   Dazki: You seem to be able to keep me on the straight and narrow pretty good.   Marvin: You mean, in your... in your homeland?   Dazki: Yeah. I can't promise it'll pay much, and elves are snooty assholes so they'll probably look down on you — other than just from the "being taller" perspective — but I'm definitely going to need someone to help me out. You want the job? Take your time thinking about it, but the offer's open.   Marvin: You're saying I could get paid for, as you put it, kicking your ass (metaphorically speaking), while simultaneously potentially also kicking the asses (metaphorically speaking) of other snooty people? (Not to say that you're too snooty or anything)   Dazki: Er... helping me reform things in a way that is more beneficial for more people and less beneficial for the people at the top.   Dwardazik: Sounds like you're about to rebel.   Marvin: I'm all for that.   Dazki: Reform, not rebel. We don't burn the system down, —   Kesmet: ...aww...   Dazki: — we work the system in a way that changes it to where everyone is on much more equal footing. It'll take a while. It'll be something like this: the world is better when the elders plant trees where they'll never enjoy the shade. I want to start planting those trees now, even if I don't get to enjoy the shade.   Kesmet: and thenyoucan use the treesfor firewood. iknowthis metaphor.   Marvin: You know what, Dazki? I'm just crazy enough to say yes! I'll take it. Though I'll have to learn a lot about elven politics...   Dazki: There'll be a crash course later, it'll be fine. I wouldn't offer it if I didn't think you could handle it.

Teaser: Next Time On...

Rosalin: Ohmigod, I can't believe you guys are back! Sorry, it's not as nice as it would've been... ...um, wait, no, that's not right... uh... ... ... ...greetings!   Kesmet, perking up: whoareyou, and whathaveyou done with Barry?!   Rosalin: Do you want, like, tea or something?   Dazki: Um, I... I think we just need to sit down and relax for a few minutes. You're welcome to join us.   Rosalin: Well, I... I do have a letter?   Dazki: Oh! Who's it for?   Rosalin: It's for you. Looks important.

Dazki begins reading the letter.

Kesmet: You still haven't answered, whoare you, and whathave you donewith Barry?   Rosalin: Wh — I thought he went with you? Did he come back? (She turns her attention to the two unfamiliar individuals at the table, Theran and Blurdrake.) Oh, but you've made new friends, at least?   Kesmet: Iresent that accusation.   Dwardazik: It's Barry.   Rosalin: Which one?   Dwardazik: The one who looks like he's wearing nothing but black.   Marvin: The one who thinks he's too cool for school. Isn't that right, Barry? I mean, Blurdrake?   Dwardazik: Could I bug you for a drink? Ale, wine, I'll take anything.   Rosalin: Eh... sure! Yeah! We've got, ... ...um... ...   Dwardazik: Whatever's available. Thank you, lass.   Rosalin does a slight bow.   Kesmet: And I'll have a water with no ice.   Dwardazik facepalms on the table.   Kesmet: Dwardazik... thatwas Barry? I didnknow he wasawoman..   Marvin: You think everyone with long hair is a woman, Kesmet.   Theran: Hang on, I might have the thing for this, unless we just want him to keep mumbling things that are incorrect. (He tries to cast a spell:) Ultimate Sneeze-Stopper!   Kesmet instinctively casts Shield to deflect Theran's assault. It appears wobbly, just as drunk as he is.   Dazki, having finished reading the letter, rushes out of the room in a panic, frantically taking notes around the house and jotting them down in his notebook.   Theran: O...K, then. Hey, what's up with Dazki? Why is he running around?   Marvin: Yeah, I want to go check on him. He looks like he just got some really bad news about something.

Marvin follows him out, and Kesmet leaves to go towards the fireplace. He passes Rosalin.

Rosalin: I brought your... water...   Kesmet, grabbing it: Thank you. Thank you, Barry. Great disguise. It's, um... ...it's very pretty.

Marvin has caught up with Dazki.

Marvin: Um, have you been afflicted by a strange mood there, Dazki?   Dazki: Uh... something like that, yeah.   Marvin: Do you... do you need help?   Dazki: Definitely. Soon as I get this list made.   Marvin: A list of what?   Dazki: We need to get this place looking presentable in... three days.   Marvin: Are we expecting visitors?   Dazki: Yeah. My dad's coming.

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Editor's note: the DM handed out the bonuses that came from completing the "secret objectives" throughout the time travel one-shots. The final statblocks for them are below. Note that these may be slightly different from what you jotted down in your own notes and onto Roll20, as she spent a little time balancing them after the fact: