The Strange Story of the Farmer's Field Battle
A recent report has circulated around the upper echelons of the Frankish Court, one so bizarre that it is believed to be used to catch out any Saxon spies in the court itself.
According to the report a battle took place at the site of a farm outside of Hamburg in Saxony. Making up each siide of this ridiculous battle was rodents. On one iit was Man-Eating Fluffy Bunnies, and on the other the Holy Hamsters of Hamburg (whatever they are).
It all supposedly started after a farmer asked for help to deal with a rabbit problem. The rabbits were eating the crops he was growing but when got alive in traps would actively attack and severely maul any human or humanoid that handled them. It got so bad they'd attack anyone who was in a few feet of them.
The Saxon authorities sent in a Jarl by the name of Andelson with his handpicked group of theigns. Believing themselves above such petty distractions, the only reason they could think off is they could use the rabbits to help feed themselves, their families, and any spare turned over to the local population for food too. They believed they could just march in, lay low for a while after planting a few traps, and kill the rest of the furry little buggers at their lesiure with bows & arrows.
Little did they know that when they entered the farmer's land the fluffy bunnies were waiting. Most of the theigns were killed quickly, their throats savaged by the dagger-like teeth of the longeared furballs. Andelson and his two remaining theigns made it out, though badly injured with deep gashes & missing body parts. They spoke that the fluffy bunnies had hid in the earth and waited till the Jarl & his men were deep into the rabbits territory before pouncing en masse.
This took no more than 15 minutes to take them out, and the three remaining members fought their way out.
Andelson, swore he wanted these rabbits to suffer, and get rid of some of the hated Christian relics they had once stole during a raid in Frankia, after all the gods would want rid of them too. He wanted the dreaded Holy Hamsters of Hamburg, as they're now called, to be released against these cute man-eaters. Surely they were sent by the Franks to destroy the food sources of the Saxons in their very fields. Why not use these other cute furballs to combat them?
The King and the higher-ranking Jarls agreed. The Holy Hamsters would be put in cages and Andelson could take in a small team to release them where they would do the maximum damage. This they did. Choosing a path that they could easily cross and then sprint back, the Jarl and his helpers planted the Holy Hamsters in the middle of the farmland and were left there with cages open.
The fluffy bunnies soon appeared en mass as usual with their sensitive ears & noses twitching at the smell & sound of human prey nearby. As soon as they did, the hamsters attacked. Seeing the rabbits as unnatural and against the works of the Divine Father, they attacked in wave afte wave. Both sides took heavy casualties with up to four, maybe five, fields littered with the dead and dying rodents.
Andelson reported back saying it was absolute carnage with both animals attacked each other with absolute bloodlust. He reported that at least 99% of both sides were left for dead, and the horrific thought that whatever remains on both sides wll continue to battle it out down the ages. That and seeing how savage both were that body parts & even whole animals being flung metres into the air with bloody trails following such instances. They can rest easy now that both of these furballs will now slowly fade into obscurity.
by Colonel 101
What a sweet and adorable war to read about. It was a lot of joy to read this article. My favorite part was when they were going to walk into the territory and set traps, but there the cute rabbit set a trap for them and took care of them.
It was fun writing it too. Makes a change from the usual, haha.