The Camelopard War

Hello. I'm Emesis, a local historian from Dimension XIII, where planet Earth is ruled by goat-headed people with magic powers. There is no way I could say that sentence in any way that sounded normal. Our friends in other realms know us by many names. We've settled on being called Camelopards, literally 'Leopard Camels', cause that seems to best describe how other beings see us: liminal creatures not fully human and not fully caprine. Anyways, Kit has asked me to share some info about my people and our history. I think she's been given a challenge by Mundus since she's been travelling across Worlds for the past few weeks. So I'm gonna discuss an event many consider mythical, but which we Camelopards know to be true. I'm not great with summaries, but I hope she's satisfied with this.

Summary

Hyperhidrosis was our first recorded king. Where formerly we had been a scattered group of settlements across the planet, he united us all under one empire. Our species is capable of what most would consider magic. We call it Yaatuh or "psychical science", but to each their own. One day Rhinitis, a general in Hyperhidrosis' army, accidentally opened a twin portal to Dimension XIV, an Earth inhabited by giant octopi, and Dimension XX, housing an Earth currently in the year 21,777 CE inhabited by an orca civilization. It was alright in the beginning, but soon relations got hostile and we found ourselves at war with our fellow sentient beings. The whole thing lasted about eighteen days, but a lot of people died in that time. Enough to cover a moon with bodies twice. Now, people in my society reproduce through the use of sperm made from stem cells harvested from bone marrow. There hasn't been a "natural" birth in nearly three thousand years. Because all the bone marrow is from female subjects, every baby is born female. In other words, every single Camelopard is a woman, and has been since we stopped sexual reproduction. Some of us choose male identities if we feel like it. The reason I detail this is because Camelopard babies develop in facilities kept at the centre of major cities. These facilities, called Udyaanaa, are the heart of our civilization. And our enemies, who had formed an aquatic alliance, were threatening to use a naabhikaghrintrah, a nuclear bomb, on our biggest Udyaanam, where our king also lived nearby. This was a ballsy move. But, long story short, we got some help. One of our greatest mages, Uveitis, made contact with a Kuyoothaan and, by some miracle, convinced them to manipulate time for one moment. That moment came when the bomb was about to be deployed. Some shenanigans ensued, and we managed to get the upper hand and redirect the bomb back at the attacking skyship. The explosion was glorious. So, yes, we won. But all of this information was swiftly swept under the rug in the years after when we made peace with our foes. Only Chorioretinitis, child of Uveitis, kept the truth recorded, passing the information down to me, his descendant.

Historical Basis

For one, we have pieces of the naabhikaghrintrah buried across the planet. Some so-called historians will say these are simply fragments of a stray spaceship, but we know better. And, yes, there are no bodies from the event. But that's because some spies made quick work to dispose of all of them. They fed the bodies to a Spacittus. Those Spacitti will eat anything. Dang them to heck!

Spread

A Camelopard lives for no longer than twenty years, and the current year on my planet is 952 BCE. There was Uveitis, born in 910, then Chorioretinitis born in 920, Ecchymosis born in 930, and me in 940. Not much time has passed, but They have done a good job of keeping this info swept under the rug. In twenty years they have erased the entire existence of a war. I can understand their reasons, but it still irks me. Thankfully many Camelopards remember, having been told by their parents.

Variations & Mutation

Of course those who acknowledge the war happened will try and make us out to be the villains. One million five hundred and thirty thousand eight hundred and ninety-two died on our side, and two million four hundred and five thousand six hundred and ninety-seven died on their side. So therefore we must be in the wrong, yes? Even though THEY started it. Should you come across such records, ignore them. They were made by people with ulterior motives trying to rewrite history.

Cultural Reception

To the Octopodes and Orcae we are obviously the bad guys. But I and other historians are willing to let them continue with that narrative so long as they don't try and start another war. Let bygones be bygones. As we say: 'Adviguni kur shaapam dadaadhi pumshe nyaaya.' ('Double the curse and give it to the next person').

In Literature

The true historical record of the war is kept in the Yantram Mantrah Yaatuh Mantrah (Machine Word, Magic Word) first written by Uveitis with a new copy being painstakingly made every generation. I'm currently in the process of finishing my copy, but it's about four hundred pages and by tradition has to be handwritten. No magic, no tech. Oh well. Should be done in a few more months.

Date of First Recording

c. 920 BCE (by the historian Uveitis)

Date of Setting

October 23 to November 9, 900 BCE

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