Notes: Oni Fans
Rika Thunderale's Loudest, Dumbest, and Most Indestructible Devotees
These are the notes for an upcoming "faction?" article. It’s a dumb idea I had. A number of people found it funny, so here they come. Don’t blame me, okay?
Overview
- The Oni Fans are a group of four very loud, very stupid, and very devoted men who frequent The Last Home.
- They are obsessed with Rika Thunderale and treat her like a living war-goddess.
- They insist there are five of them.
- There are only four.
- Counting is not their strong suit.
- They are known for:
- Wearing “Suplex Me, Senpai” shirts.
- Chanting “SUPLEX!” in increasingly louder tones.
- Surviving things that by all rights should have ended them.
- Collecting debris from Rika’s fights like holy relics.
- Speaking of her suplexes in reverent, breathless awe.
Membership Rules
- There are “five” members.
- There are actually four.
- They get confused somewhere around three and give up.
- Their explanation changes daily:
- “One of us is always in the spirit realm.”
- “Dave counts. Probably.”
- “The fifth is whoever bleeds last.”
- “Numbers are just opinions anyway.”
- To become a member:
- You must survive being suplexed by Rika.
- And then still want to thank her for it.
Why Lars Allows Them to Stay
- Rika hasn’t thrown them out, and in fact seems to enjoy their presence.
- They’re loud, but loyal.
- They follow the rules of the Inn.
- They just break everything else.
- Attempts to ban them have resulted in:
- even more damage than normal
- Zarnak licking the walls in protest
- Rika pleading with Lars
- Lars reinforces their table and refers to them as “The Four-That-Are-Five.”
- He no longer makes eye contact with any of them.
Group Habits and Traditions
- Weekly gatherings at their heavily reinforced Taproom table.
- Always leave one seat open for “the fifth.”
- Sometimes it’s Dave. Sometimes it’s a rock.
- Suplex chant:
- “SUPLEX! SUPLEX! SUPLEX!”
- Volume increases with alcohol content.
- Annual “Anniversary of the Moving” ceremony to celebrate Gorak’s first suplex.
- They carry “Holy Relics” of Rika’s battles:
- Bits of broken barstools
- Scorched floorboards
- One time, a potato she kicked
Members
Gorak the Immovable
- Race: Goliath
- Status: Moved
- Role: Founder, High Priest of the Suplex
- Once claimed no force in the multiverse could move him.
- Rika did. With one arm.
- Now believes this was divine intervention.
- Authored “The Gospel of the Suplex.”
- Keeps trying to get it canonised. No one knows by who.
Big Tom
- Race: Human
- Status: Loud. Always shouting.
- Role: Volume Specialist, Accidental Mascot
- Shouts “GET HER, RIKA!” no matter the context.
- Including during quiet dinners and staff meetings.
- Once startled Rika and was suplexed out of pure reflex.
- Considers it the greatest moment of his life.
- Wears his “Suplex Me, Senpai” shirt like it’s a knight’s tabard.
Twig
- Race: Unknown (Possibly Human)
- Role: Baffling Survivor, Elastic Punchbag
- Status: Worryingly thin. Possibly made of sinew and string.
- Survives suplexes that should scatter bones.
- No one knows how. Even Twig is unsure.
- Claims “you just have to go with the momentum.”
- Might be blessed. Might be boneless. Might be both.
Zarnak the Many-Limbed
- Race: Eldritch Entity
- Role: Ichoric Hype Machine, Dimensional Clapper
- Status: Humanoid-ish until you try to describe him.
- Speaks in dream-haikus and psychic ooze.
- Once survived a suplex by phasing through multiple planes.
- His fan shirt has too many sleeves and whispers when folded.
- Rika calls him “Squidboy.” He takes this as a blessing.
“Suplex Me, Senpai” Shirts
- Originated when a very drunk fan begged Rika to “make it personal.”
- Rika suplexed him so hard the phrase echoed.
- It’s now printed across all four members' shirts in bold, blocky, slightly singed letters.
- Lars has banned the phrase from the Taproom.
- This has only made them louder.
- Zarnak’s shirt exists across three planes and drips slightly.
Staff Reactions
- Lars: “There are four of them. I’ve counted. That fifth seat is just... cursed.”
- Rika: “They’re stupid. They’re loyal. I like them. Sometimes I throw them at people.”
- Lucian: “They’ve been banned from the infirmary blanket cupboard. Long story.”
- Tess: “I wrote them a theme song. It’s just chanting and table impacts.”
- Freya: “They are proof that natural selection is on strike.”
- Dave: “They gave me a shirt once. I wore it. I remember things now. I wish I didn’t.”
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