Session 23: Tampa Play
General Summary
Our party at the bard college suspiciously in the middle of nowhere is an absolute banger. The crowd’s wild (and thankfully not full of dopplegangers) and some people are having drinking contests, while others are encouraging their friends to do stupid shit like jump over the bonfire. Amelia’s among the crowd mingling with guests and I’m left to do some mingling of my own…which has me spending some time choking out a gnome in a dorm room for some gold and everything he owns. And no, that’s surprisingly not a euphemism for anything! TT gets dragged into an exciting game of spin-the-bottle, smacking maws with a gnome, a half-orc, and a half-elf; all so she could easily pickpocket them. Her and Inami manage to rob some of the rooms of the college, but our plan is ultimately a failure as the night goes on.
Amelia wanders the woods with her new best friend while Owkbanok is racing towards our party in a hurry after getting jumped by a bunch of highwaymen. Of course, the sounds of labored breathing in the distance have her thinking somebody’s getting their fuck on, so what better time than now to pull a prank? She disguises her BFF as a bear once he agrees to the plan and as Owk draws closer, Amelia sends this guy out with a roar…and watches as Owk cuts him down in a panic. Rest in peace, our strong, rowdy Bear Boy. Amelia is upset for approximately one solid minute and when a party’s mentioned, Owkbanok is ready to get fucking lit. Off they go, catching up with us and explaining what happened; but we’re not concerned about the highwaymen at all because hey, p a r t y.
Eventually a teacher comes out to try and put an end to fun, so like the reasonable people we are, we’ve decided to take down the education system and after that? Society. Unfortunately, as I half jokingly say we should kill the teacher, a drunken Owkbanok thinks that’s a really good idea and tries to do so. He breathes fire his way and the teacher doesn’t even bat an eye before threatening our lives specifically and I politely pull us away from this. For some reason, we’re allowed inside with Amelia and we all huddle in her dorm room to discuss the highwaymen, who I know to be a part of a gang called the Rattlesnake Rascals; and go over what little loot we managed to get from this excursion. It’s not much. A couple of instruments and gold, but it’s still worth something, right? I propose we go after the highwaymen because they deal in all sorts of black market magical items, so rather than get back on track, we now have to infiltrate a gang.
Amelia knows of one of their hideouts because of an old fling she had, so we head into the city proper to find the allegedly abandoned warehouse. Our cover story is that we’ve all been with the gang for awhile, but hail from different chapters of it. We were attacked by pirates from the Golden Beholder on the way and managed to pick up a new recruit, which is the part Amelia will be playing. And with our story and disguises, we waltz right into the warehouse to find out this gang also deals in illegal organ harvesting. …And also golem fight nights as some of the gang is currently at work on a massive construct. We’re told to talk to the big man, a hobgoblin named Jugs, about getting Amelia initiated into the gang. Upon meeting Jugs (and trying not to laugh at his ridiculous voice), we’re told she’s gotta go on a mission to track our assailant pirates down and leave a message.
The message is slaughter them, raise them from the dead to bring back here for organ harvesting, and leave the gang’s diamonds at the scene of the crime so everyone knows who not to fuck with. Oh, and also bring back the organ shipment…which was apparently a part of the treasure we kindly commandeered in that cave a few days back. Oops! Luckily for us, we’re strategists to the core and manage to think of something to save our asses. As it stands right now, we can’t wipe this entire warehouse out, so we have to play along. And so, we’ll go back to the bard college, tell them all we’re putting on a play about pirates. The lead actors we choose for this will be slaughtered at the end, but given the nature of the play, nobody will suspect that any of it is real. While the others don’t need disguises for this, me and Owkbanok have no choice but to do so.
And so he becomes a pretentious director all done up in a suit with a bottle of wine, but for some reason, he’ll remain nameless. And I become the great writer, Mingus Yogswan, with my luscious, golden locks and squeaky accent that even give the gods a migraine. Our plan goes off without a hitch. TT writes us an incredibly beautiful play with amazing lines such as, “Ahoy, me boy!”; and touches on the drunken search for a pirate by the name of Henry. We go through auditions and rehearsals, all keeping up the rouse of being a legit production company and once the play rolls around, the next phase of “What in the Cornbread Fuck Is Wrong With Y'all?” can begin. Our lead actor delivers his last line that transitions into the big fight scene. Several of us jump on stage, brandishing real weapons this time and cut our lead trio down.
Our lead actor, Tampa (god bless his heart), is an actor to the very end. With his loud declarations as he bleeds out, the crowd thinks this is all a part of the play. Amelia finishes off by glitterdusting the crowd, sending them into an immediate panic as some of them start to suspect foul play. With all the chaos, we grab the bodies and make a run for it, killing another guy on the way to make it seem like we tried to get the organ shipment back. But nobody wants to actually harvest them…except for me, of course, and I get to work cracking this guy open like a pistachio and taking everything of value. Back to the city we go, carrying several bodies and the weight of our sins as we do.
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Related Reports
[Session 20: Gnome one's Home
Session 21: Foxy Lady
Session 22: We Don't Need No Education
Session 24: Ultimate Werewolf
Session 21: Foxy Lady
Session 22: We Don't Need No Education
Session 24: Ultimate Werewolf
Report Date
28 Jun 2021
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