The Booidea Periculum Orzo, commonly refered to as Bloops (or when referring to young, Boopos), is a domesticated serpent like creature bred by Kassai Trade Coalition bred to be the latest advancement in exotic pets.
What is the difference between livestock and a pet? Some beasts are domesticated because they served a purpose. Some are inbred into infantilized forms of their Galawain gifted ancestors. The more useless they are, the more people want to coddle them, humanizing and belittling their natural survival instincts as "cute". Bloops are the latter. Bloops are pets. Buy one. There's a sale.
Wood Elf Bloops breeder.


A merchant in the Kassai Trade Coalition first found the Bloops' ancestors on an extraplanar expedition, where she saw their potential as profitable exotic pets. Although much of the details about their ancestors are a closely kept secrets, it's believed that the Bloops were heavily bred and modified from their original form in order to be domesticated in such short amount of time.
As the publisher, I apologize for our writer's personal biases in this section of the article. I will remove the petness section from the final draft of the book.


Fuchsia and Maroon, you'll find some doubloons. Indigo and amber, watch where you clamber. Blue and orange, you'll -- son of a Bloop!
— A writer for the "dummies guide to Bloops"
What sets Bloops apart from other exotic pets are it's ability to change the color of it's soft vibrant scales. They tend to change their color randomly on a daily basis.
Additionally they been bred to have freakishly large eyes, fragile "pettable" scales, an abnormally large head crested that somehow has feathers, no teeth for chewing, poor mobility, and adorably dumb. These traits have been magically enhanced in order to exploit a humanoid's natural instinct to idolize and fawn over infants of other species.   The thing is. They're not real pets, they're not even fully domesticated. They are predators, the only reason we don't see it is because they've been bred to be unassuming. Whenever your Bloops drop from the rafters to hug you, it's literally trying to kill you. A murderous intent in their hearts only sated by seeing the life fade from your eyes and consuming your flesh. The only reason they haven't is because they're so harmless. And yet they continue to attack their owners, an endless well of fury and hatred that only awaits your death.   Note to self. I think I need a friend for Greenie, he gets lonely eating sometimes.  

Keeping your Bloops Healthy

Bloops require a lot of attention, be sure the Bloop's caretaker is certified to handle them. Don't worry there are affordable Château Verrel mail order training classes available.
Kassai Trade Coalition PSA


Bloops have poor eyesight, be sure to keep their food nearby and at a lower than the Bloop so it feels safe to "pounce" on it's food.   Bloops must be fed Dust infused food daily to maintain healthy and vibrant scales. They can also eat a variety of common household foods, be sure to feed it a meat based diet with supplemental vegetables and calcium gems. Do not let them drink too much liquid water, Bloops obtain most of their water from their food.   Under no circumstances should you feed Bloops the following. No matter how much they beg.
  • Rice produces an abnormal amount of gas that causes their stomach to swell and explode. Also terrible farts.
  • Avocado causes nausea, discolored scales, itching, swelling, and suffocation.
  • Sesame Seeds cause anaphylactic shock..
  • Cucumbers leads to respiratory issues.
  • Seafood
    • Fish, Bloops' livers don't process mercury well and causes mercury poisoning.
    • Shellfish such as crabs, lobster, or shrimp cause anaphylactic shock.
    • Eels are poisonous and leads to heart failure.

Behavior Issues

If your Boopo is throwing a tantrum, put it in a cold area to induce brumation until it cools off.

Picking Your Favorite Colours

Boopos skin colour is usually based on temperature, put a cold gem or a sweater on it to get your favorite colours.  

Common Health Issues

  For caretakers only.
  • Eggbound. Similar to avians or lizards
  • Stress, keep them in quiet areas of your home, don't let them see a reflective surface. They likely become territorial or attempt to mate with it until it starves.
  • Respiratory, common in high humidity environments.
  • Kidneys, caused by a lack of wet foods.
  • Eyes, tend to fall out of their socket due to their abnormal size.
  • Infections/Parasites, left to their own devices will likely consume unsanitary food.
  • Tongue, Sometimes Bloops will injure its tongue and won’t be able to retract the tongue into its mouth. If this occurs, you will need to make sure the tongue remains moist and does not dry out while it heals and that your Bloops remains warm.
  • Skin shedding syndrome, if improperly cared for Bloops will shed their skin.
  • Calcium Deficiency, loss of appetite, bone/jaw deformities, weight loss and lethargy.
  • Dehydration, causes wrinkled causes, weakness, weight loss, and lethargy
  • Edema, caused by excess fluid. Symptoms include swelling.
  • Gout, caused by lack of humidity/water. Considering it's nearly all spine be sure to look out for this.
  • Vitamin C deficiency, causes crusty eyes, respiratory problems, shedding problems, and lethargy.
  • Vitamin A deficiency, causes teary and crusty eyes, respiratory problems, shedding problems, and lethargy.

Scientific Classification
Booidea Periculum Orzo

Boopo? Bloops?! You can't just shirk centuries of scientific naming convention to make your "pet" more marketable!
Château Verrel Patent Clerk
Lets see, it seems like the Bloops patent was somehow approved by my superiors. One final passover for typos [...] and the singular is also Bloops just to make customers more likely to buy more than one?! Those Kassai have gone too far!
— Former Château Verrel Patent Clerk
10-30 years.
Average Height
.5 to 3 inches in diameter
Average Weight
150 g
Average Length
46 to 137 cm
Anatomy and Morphology
Serpent body type
Large eyes
Social Structure
Packs of 3-4 Bloops, known as a Cuddle
Average Intellgience
Not very.
Perception and Sensory Capabilities
Exceptional sense of smell using their tongues
Ecology and Habitats
Bloops are bred to survive in the average Château Verrel home, the ideal environment for Bloops are 20 feet by 20 feet rooms with 16 foot ceilings kept at 60 degrees Fahrenheit and 45% humidity.
If your home does not meet these conditions, keep an eye out for the next time your official Kassai merchant is in town!
Consumer Bloops are infertile and can not bear young.
But make sure to buy your Boopos from a certified breeder to ensure it has been neutered.
If your Boopo is in heat then keep it cold to induce brumation and stem it's desires.
--Growth Rate & Stages::Proprietary information for Kassai breeders only.
When the Boopo is born, it's scales will initially should black, any discoloration is a sign of genetic defect. After a week it will begin mimicking it's surroundings, during this stage it's crucial to expose to as many solid colors as possible to ensure it learns all of the standard patterns. It generally takes 1 sleep cycle for it to learn a pattern, after one month it will become incredibly difficult to teach it new patterns.
After this stage brumation should be induced and you should neuter the Boopo. You are now ready to sell it for consumer use.


Please Login in order to comment!
22 Jul, 2018 06:16

This is hilarious. I love how it's almost an advertisement for them. And the layout looks great

22 Jul, 2018 17:56

Thanks! It was originally suppose to be a short joke ad but then it turned to this

Journeyman RwbyMoon
Benjamin Andula
22 Jul, 2018 07:54

A richly formatted article with so much aspects to enhance the fact this little beastie is CUTIE and LOVELY ! Are there internationally known Boopos ? Just like for example Flipper the Dolphin iRL :p

"Nothing great has been accomplished in the world without passion" -- G.W.F. Hegel
22 Jul, 2018 18:06

Thanks! I did do some finagling with the default sections to get them where I wanted, good to hear it paid off.
But I haven't really thought about famous Boopos, if I had to come up with something off the top of my head i'd say Poopo the Boopo, known for it's pleasant smelling color changing poos.

Journeyman RwbyMoon
Benjamin Andula
22 Jul, 2018 18:35

Funny poos :p

"Nothing great has been accomplished in the world without passion" -- G.W.F. Hegel
22 Jul, 2018 08:46

I adore the contrast between how Bloops are presented to the public and how they actually are. Even without reading any other article I can get a real sense for the culture that bred these creatures and that buys them as pets. Fantastic work! :>

Writer of Tiyu Amara, and The Last Line
22 Jul, 2018 18:12

Thanks! I do try to keep each article self contained and use them to establish something about the world around them.