BB's Diary #21

Ansday, 20th Shadow, 212 EoL

Dear Diary,

sorry for the abrupt ending yesterday evening, but while I was writing, "Drake came running into the room, screaming at me like a madman so I had to stop writing"
Let's see, where were we, oh right: I found Trip in the water and helped him out of it. Drake was there. I saw Yelena and a partly destroyed room. What had happened: The creature that came out of a portal underneath the fusing pile of brains, as well as part of the room, my stone wall, and Trip's Ice wall all had disappeared. Gwenelle and Shirel and Lykos were nowhere to be seen. Apparently, Drake had thrown his portable hole as well as the bag of holding in the direction of the creature. They opened a portal, which came in touch with the portal the creature came out of to form a third and final portal, sucking everything inside.
After getting Trip out of the water I ran over to where the creature was standing. The whole platform had disappeared. I jumped into the water and dove underneath where the platform had been in a desperate move to find Gwenelle, Shirel, or any sign of them but all I could find was a dagger that I brought up with me.

When I met again with the boys, there was SO much tension! We just had lost one-third of our party (not even counting Saldri). Yelena was devastated because Shirel was gone. Drake was quiet, maybe too quiet. I can't tell what he was feeling at that moment. Was he feeling guilty? Trip was really exhausted, I guess he used his rivven too much again. He couldn't walk and had to be carried. Since the whole place was unstable we decided to leave quickly, go back to the Wolvesden and discuss there how to proceed. Yelena stole some gems, I helped her by taking five diamonds. Outside, on top of the stairs, we found Agrax and took him with us. After we had walked for quite some time Yelena remembered having a potion that took away Trip's exhaustion. It was so good to see him on his feet again.
After a long walk, we arrived at the Den. It was late and after the guys had something to eat and drink (I just couldn't get anything down) we decided to share a room together... or so we thought because Yelena did not share the idea that it was a night where none of us should be alone.
I went upstairs to write my diary. I felt devastated. Two of our people are missing and it is all my fault. If I hadn't let Gulli out of the tower we would not have been there in the first place. I contacted the Ravenqueen and asked her if she knew where they were, but she didn't. This means that they are, or at least at that moment were, alive.
Trip lay on his bed while I was writing and Drake came running into the room. He wanted the dagger that I had found diving under the platform. Apparently, it was Andy. I didn't want to give it to him immediately because Andy was the one who told Drake to throw the hole and the bag knowing it would open a portal. Thereafter he asked Drake to throw him into the portal which closed the portal. Now it was telling that it was thirsty... Before doing something stupid I wanted to talk about what to do with Andy, but Drake insisted that I'd give him the dagger. I threw Andy in the middle of the room, knowing that Andy becomes invisible if nobody is holding him. Drake jumped behind, he was on the floor searching for that stupid dagger, yelling at me. Meanwhile Trip used some magic to find the dagger, he picked it up, and, being Trip, he decided that it would be a good idea to cut himself and still Andy's thirst. It seemed that Andy sucked out at least half of Trip's blood. Trip tried to let go of the dagger, at the same moment Yelena, who had heard our screams, stormed into the room and hit Andy out of my brother's hand. Drake kept yelling, took the dagger, and stormed out of the room. It all happened so fast!
I was terrified! I did not know where my boyfriend was and what he was doing with that stupid dagger or what the dagger was doing to him. I did not know what just had happened to my brother, if he would survive this huge blood loss. I helped Trip into his bed and, after Yelena had left the room again, I lay next to Trip, my head on his chest to hear if his heart was still beating and waiting for Drake to come back. At one point I fell asleep.
The next morning, so today actually, I was relieved to see Trip alive and Drake safe in his bed. The tree of us went downstairs, where we found a nearly empty Den. Yelena was sitting there drinking coffee and Agrax stood next to the fireplace. He had locked the four of us in the Den, telling us, that the Praetur Primus (second in rank to the Empress) wanted to talk to us about what had happened with Gulli before anybody else would. Trip send some messages to see if he could find out where Shirel and Gwenelle were but did not get an answer. He then contacted Shirel's mother, who is still alive. And then he told our father, that I need his help and asked if father knew where the portal went, which he doesn't or at least doesn't bother to find out for us. I now realize that Trip asked father explicitly to help me, and father just ignored that request. He ignores my existence. Only mine, since he answered my brother. I guess I continue being a disappointment to him as well.
So we have been sitting here all day. Trip went to bed and has been sleeping for what feels like an eternity. Yelena was nervous all day, she can't cope with Shirel's disappearance. And after some time Drake and I went to talk into an empty room. Of course, he had noted, that I haven't been eating or drinking since yesterday. How could I? I told him that I ate something while he was gone yesterday evening, I think he believed me. I asked him about Andy and he told me that he had rowed out on the lake and thrown Andy (and his belt, because Andy did not want to get off of it) far from the shore into the lake. He's still mad at Andy and afraid of the entity behind that dagger. He also told me that there has been no sign of Saldri at the harbor.
And now I sit here, writing. I feel like shit. I put them all into misery. Shirel and Gwenelle are gone. Yelena lost her best friend Shirel. Trip lost his new best friend Shirel. (It seems that a lot of people like Shirel... I still can't see why.) Trip might also have lost part of himself to Andy, whom I brought back to the Den. The Wolves lost their new employee of the year Gwenelle, so they may give Drake and Yelena a hard time. Drake is scared as hell of what might follow our fight with Gulli, he thinks that there are far worse things about to happen. What have I done to them? I let all of them down. I am so sorry! If I could turn back time I would let him rot in there. I still have a plan... It is a stupid plan... It might be a suicide mission. I don't know if I should do it and when. I would like to wait after the meeting with the Preatur who may help us find them since he might be able to get information about the portal from the gatekeepers. On the other hand, time might be running out for them. I'm torn! What should I do? Trip told me a few days ago that I hadn't changed, that I still would not take responsibility for my actions. This would be the perfect opportunity to prove him wrong. Am I too selfish here? I don't want to leave my brother, my good friend, and the love of my life behind. I don't want to lose them. I don't want them to not know what happened to me.
I'll just wait another day. One day. If the Praetor Primus has not shown by then and talked to us or if we have not found a solution by then... I might... I will... I am going to... I have to do it!

Love, BB <3