"Welcome to Fantasy Spencer's. We will accept gold teeth."
Owned and run by a half-orc of the same name
, Fantasy Spencer's Adult Alternative & Adventuring Supplies carries a variety of tools for exploring a dungeon, exploring your sexuality, or both. Aggressively body-positive and surprisingly affordable, it sits like a malignant tumor in the heart of Lockhinge's
Stone Quarter and gives teenagers a place to buy hooker boots, caltrops, and inexplicably dong-shaped potion bottles.
The exterior is painted tar-black where it isn't coated with parchment posters advertising sales and recent arrivals. The door sits a little crooked in its frame, with a sign above it reading "No shoes, no shirt, no kinkshaming."
The interior of the shop is much larger than it has any right to be. Aisles of items stretch back into an oppressive gloom, broken only by the occasional blacklight. The layout never looks quite the same two trips in a row, and it is nearly impossible to find a dressing room on your own. Racks of adventuring gear are interspersed with mannequins dressed in things that can only be called clothing in the most technical sense. And there's a checkout counter, somewhere, but there are rumors that only the impure of heart can actually find it.
Fantasy Spencer's has long been famous for selling a number of "novelty items", including:
- Cheap, skimpy clothing that falls apart about as fast as you'd expect.
- Sex toys and accessories for a wide variety of genders, orientations, and species.
- Candy and other edibles in unmentionable (but hilarious) shapes.
- Smutty novels, wall scrolls, silk tapestries, and party games.
- Shitty mugs, blankets, and tunics with "ironic" or "funny" sayings on them.
Spencer is also a strangely reliable supplier of all manner of adventuring gear, including:
- Any and all spelunking equipment.
- Several kinds of leather and studded armors.
- A couple of weapons. Mostly just knives and whips.
- Scented candles, "massage" ball bearings, and many kinds of chain.
- Pouches, holsters, and other accessories to keep everything secure.
A number of enchanted accoutrements are kept up at the front for purchase, with messy handwritten notes to explain what they are:
- Amulet of Health, to help you go at it longer than ever.
- Feather Token (Whip), which summons a magical floating whip.
- Harness of Gleaming, provides some extra armor and never, ever gets dirty.
- Immovable Rod, will remain fixed in place and can take up to 8,000 lbs of force.
- Keoghtom's Ointment, which will take care of any diseases you may have picked up.
- Oil of Slipperiness, for any and all of your concievable movement needs.
- Pole of Collapsing, bring the fun of a strip club wherever you go!
- Potion of Growth, whatever your size kink is, we don't judge around here.
- Potion of Healing, because aftercare is important.
- Ring of Mind Shielding, your safety and privacy matters, even at Fantasy Spencer's.
- Ring of the Ram, "NOT FOR BEGINNERS" is written on a note nearby.
- Spell Scrolls for the following: Alarm, Black Tentacles, Create Food and Water, Detect Poison and Disease, Disguise Self, Enhance Ability, Enlarge/Reduce, Entangle, Grease, Hold Person, Mage Hand, Mirror Image, Polymorph, Private Sanctum, Stoneskin, Summon Construct, Telepathic Bond, Tongues, and Water Breathing. A sign above the scroll case reminds you of the importance of consent in all mage-play activities.
- Tattoo Ink, available for any spell listed above. It is important to note that due to a previous debacle, Spencer is no longer legally allowed to tattoo anyone on the premisis.
Sign up and learn things you never knew you didn't know! Popular workshops include "Practical and Sensual Knot-Tying", "A Beginner's Guide to Spells in the Bedroom", "Cloacas 101", "Enchantments: Do's and Don'ts", and a frequently booked-out seminar called, "Should I Date My Party Members?"
Spencer will accept most currencies, trades, and even offer to buy things off of customers if she thinks she could use them in whatever unholy project she's currently working on.
Sometimes, Spencer needs someone to go out and get something for her. These errands are usually kind of dangerous and the item you fetch raises a lot of uncomfortable questions - but hey, Spencer doesn't pay you to ask questions.
A talented artificer in her own right, Spencer can make alterations to her wares, and for the right price, may even be convinced to craft you a Fantasy Spencer's original item.