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First Stitch
Founding of the Suca'ahra College
Founding -
Day of Twine
Invention of "Worm Twine"
Technological achievementCreation of the first medical twine made from living worms. It is so successful that it quickly becomes the fundamental keystone of all Agsimer surgery practices.
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Calm before the Surgery
Decree of Neutrality
Diplomatic actionRepresentatives of all Agsimer city-states agree upon the everlasting neutrality of the Suca'ahra college in all future conflicts, in exchange for the universal access to the colleges surgical inventions and advanced operation practices.
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Slapdash Seam
Making a Mascot
MiscellaneousDissatisfied with the sloppy work a few students Adoreha stitches their bodies together and after a lengthy discussion with her vice-director decides to turn the "pile of failure" into the official mascot of the college.
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Loose Threads
Hunt for the "Botcher Butcher"
Criminal ActivityAdoreha personally hunts down a notorious serial killer, because she felt personally insulted by the amateurish manner in which the killer disemboweled his victims. The killer's punishment is so visceral that several eyewitnesses later remove their gag reflex, to prevent themselves from throwing up every time they remember it.
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Visage of Treachery
"Pretty Face" Coup
RevolutionA sizable group of conspirators led by deputy headmaster "Pretty Face" overthrow Adoreha's rule over the college and make "Pretty Face" the new headmaster. While Adoreha is presumably killed during the group's coup d'état, her corpse is never found.
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Art oblige
The Cost of Perfection
Artistic creationTo prove that he is worthy of leading the college in Adoreha stead headmaster "Pretty Face" creates a marvelous, anatomical artwork called the "Vitruvian Shape" from the bodies of several co-conspirators. The display is so beautiful, that the Grand Couturiers outright threaten "Pretty Face" with the dissolution of the Neutrality Decree should he dare to disassemble it as originally intended. Against the vehement protest of the displays components "Pretty Face" complies with the Couturiers' wishes.
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Welcome to the Operating Room
New Meat for the Knife
Civil actionThe first group of Non-Agsimer students enrolls at the college. Against all odds, two and a half students actually managed to survive all the way to the graduation ceremony.
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Facing the Consequences
Broken Face
Life, Achievement/ WinAfter several decades under the "Pretty Face" administration, it turns out that Adoreha had not only survived the coup but actually killed "Pretty Face" several years prior to it, after which she had masqueraded as him using his still living skin alternatively as a yarn-filled marionette or as a grotesque formfitting suit.
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Liver of Contention
Surgeons at War
Diplomatic actionRepeated fights between supporters of the Haeblash Cult and the Purity Ministry, start to undermine the college's neutrality and threaten to turn it into yet another battlefield of the ongoing War of Purity.
Comments
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May 19, 2020 12:58
by TJ Trewin
I love the crossed out notes in the survival guide quote!
May 19, 2020 17:15
by Sloqush
The college's "turn-over" rate of vice directors is truly something to behold :D
Author of Cenorad ; a bleak-dark sandbox of creativity.
May 22, 2020 15:21
by Kahuna The Elder
Nicely done. The pullquotes are fun and give some great context and a little humor. Good work!
Kahuna the Elder aka Leo -
www.kahunatheelder.com
Creator of Arnathia
Jul 22, 2020 09:45
by Ademal
As promised, here’s your critique for making it to the top 10 of the regular league!
Right off the bat: I love the theme of this! I’m a sucker for well-done, over-the-top creepy things and this hits the nail on the head. The whole article reads like a gallery of dark delights, each header and section a room in a haunted mansion tour.
While this works to ensure that there’s always something new and shiny in the article to see (I like the DOOM nod in the slogan!), it also means that there is very little cohesion to tie everything together from beginning to end—there’s no narrative or story.
Now, this isn’t needed for every article someone writes, but it does make for the best articles when you can weave them together with a constant thread. Sidebars, quotes, and alouds are great for these asides of information, but the body of the article, the left region, is at its strongest when it starts at one point and leads us to another—usually from the founding of a group to its current state.
This doesn’t mean a rewrite. I’m not advocating that. What I am suggesting is taking your current info, moving it from the prompt boxes to the vignette, and weave together the non-history aspects into the history. For example, you begin with structure, so you could talk about how this structure was established during the founding and why it was chosen.
I don’t mean to hyperfocus on that. The article is very strong, so there’s only so much for me to focus on, and I want to explain myself well.
I would also suggest interrogating your adverbs and asking them which of them really belong. Many adverbs are used as quantifiers with adjectives to modify those adjectives, but in doing so add a bit of a passive voice. Many of these word combos can often be replaced with stronger, more punchy word choices.
All in all, this was a great article and fun to read, and I hope my feedback doesn’t suggest otherwise! Thank you for writing this, and for taking part in the competition!
Check out my summercamp by going here and checking out any of my gold-star articles!
Jul 22, 2020 13:17
by Sloqush
Happy to hear that you liked the article, and thanks very much for the feedback, the suggestion with moving the various pieces of information out of their prompt boxes into the vignette and then tying them into the history of the college sounds very cool and I am definitely going to test out what I can do in that regard :D
Author of Cenorad ; a bleak-dark sandbox of creativity.
Dec 3, 2020 13:52
by Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull
Well this is terrifying and fascinating. Thank you for directing me here! I think the Xi'st is the scariest thing about the article, but those exams seem worse than my PhD viva was, hahahahaha.
Dec 20, 2020 22:16
by Sloqush
Happy to do that and great to hear that you enjoyed reading the article ^_^ Also what kind of Ph.D. did you write that the College's exams merely SEEM worse that your viva XD
Author of Cenorad ; a bleak-dark sandbox of creativity.
Apr 6, 2021 18:13
by O4
This concept is brilliant! I won't lie, I was cringing throughout the read. I tend to do that with surgical body horror. This is really inspiring, though! I made put some of these ideas through my processor in the future.
Apr 8, 2021 17:23
by Sloqush
Hi rikia, great to hear liked this cringe-inducing body horror institute :D I will be looking forward to with what "creations" you come up with, and should you need an extra "brain-processor" feel free to contact me ^_^
Author of Cenorad ; a bleak-dark sandbox of creativity.
Apr 13, 2021 03:38
by O4
I think I will!
This is truly one of the most interesting ideas I've seen. I only stumbled on it because I was looking around seeing how others organize their pages about universities, and did not expect something so insanely creative and terrifying. Amazing work!
Thank you for your kind words :D