Laughing Blue Goblins

WARNING DEFCON LEVEL 1: Laughing Blue Goblins of Larcenty Level 1 are suspected to be present in your neighborhood. You are advised to secure all valuables and important tinkets. Please report all sightings of small ugly blue people with broad smiles to the authorities immediately.

You have a Problem

Your glasses have gone missing.
Your socks are all singles.
You are wondering why you came into this room.

You thought you were getting forgetful, that you are under stress at work and at home.
You feared that you were getting old.

But no, it is much worse than that-
for in your house there lives...
A LAUGHING BLUE GOBLIN

by Terry Cassis using Imagine AI

"Ridiculous!" you say? "I'm a rational man," you assert. "I don't believe in laughing blue goblins. Who's ever seen them? There's a perfectly reasonable reason that I've lost my liquor room key. It will turn up exactly where I've left it. I just have to remember where that was."
Of course. You don't need to listen to me. You can do your own thing. But just in case, let me give you the lowdown on laughing blue goblins.

They're Born to be Wild

A laughing blue goblin is a deviant subclass of the goblin race. Unlike their cousins, they have chanelled their native aggressiveness from killing into compulsive stealing. This is a step forward as they are no longer as likely to die in conflict, however, nature took additional steps, giving them a delight in stealing things that cause the victim of their larceny a certain frustration directed at themselves rather than an all out search for the perpetrator of the crime. Indeed, the genius of the laughing blue goblin is that their victims never suspect that they have "been had"!
Laughing blue goblins live in heavily populated areas, preferably amongst Humans as they age faster than other species and are naive and unsuspecting. Humans also tend to be overly rational and disbelieving in other magical species since they have no inherent magic working abilities themselves. The laughing blue goblin will make its home in tree hollows in back yards if homes are very small, but in larger domiciles, particularly those with children, they will make their homes in an unused place such as a utility closet or a cubby under a porch, in the attic, or in a garage. Proximity to the victim is key, as the laughing blue goblins seem to feed off the emotional energy of their victims, and have a endless supply of trickster humor, and thus wish to observe the victim as they search fruitlessly for their lost possessions. The laughing blue goblins often form emotional bonds to particular victims, preferring the "flavor" of that victim's emotional outbursts over that of others.

ATTENTION THIS IS A DEFCON LEVEL 2 WARNING. ACTION IS REQUIRED IMMEDIATELY. Laughing Blue Goblins of Larcenty Type M have been sighted in your vicitnity. Cease all dangerous activities and leave all dangerous environments immediately. REPEAT: THIS IS A DEFCON LEVEL 2 WARNING. ACTION IS REQUIRED IMMEDIATELY.

The laughing blue goblin does not feel a need to keep the items they steal - the frustration of their victims is reward enough, and they will return half the items they steal to a location that the victim has searched previously. This assures maximum hilarity, and can also trigger the occasional maritial spat which seems to be uproariously delightful to them. They love to frame children for bad behavior which will get them a scolding with their parents and sometimes an argument with a sibling in the family which the laughing blue goblins find irresistably funny.
The laughing blue goblin will travel, or move between homes, but tends to settle down with a particular family after a while. As the laughing blue goblin ages it acquires more and more skills in creating mayhem, and will move up in it's sophistication and danger. They also begin to apply magic to themselves, being able to change their shape and appearance into small animals and children of the home. Favorite animal disguises include racoons, squirrels, blue jays and sea gulls.
The most sophisticated laughing blue goblins are so skilled at stealing things that they are actually able to steal thoughts. There is a significant risk in this process as the laughing blue goblin must become visible to the victim, and remove both the thought they are targeting, and the memory of their appearance.
Laughing blue goblins have a very active social life and gather together after dark to swap stories of the frenzied searches of their hapless victims and laugh with their spouses and buddies over a hafling beer.

Larceny Types and the Laughing Blue Goblin Warning System

Kingdom authorities have created a warning system (designated the LBGWS) that notifies residents if laughing blue goblins are in their vicinity. if you receive notification, it will state the "larceny type" of the blue goblins that pose a threat to you and your family. The code designations are as follows:

• Larceny type I: These laughing blue goblins will steal items of no particular value but high utility and frequent use.
• Larceny type T: These laughing blue goblins are tricksters who set up precarious ensembles of items for their victims to trip on.
• Larceny type C: These laughing blue goblins are particularly skilled at setting up situations for which children will be blamed, such as stealing cookies from a cookie jar, or breaking objects then hiding the pieces where they are sure to be found, or carving a child's initials into a desk or table.
• Larceny type D: These laughing blue goblins will disguse themselves as animals, small pets,or children to perform their antics.
• Larceny type M: These laughing blue goblins will steal thoughts or memorys They are particularly fond of stealing nouns and proper names, but verbs, adjectives, and adverbs are also vulnerable to removal. As this type of laughing blue goblin gains skills, they will be able to remove entire thoughts from the short term memory of the victim. These laughing blue goblins grow genuinely fond of old people who are unfortunately particularly vulnerable as they get slower, and can be accidently killed by these creatures as their delight in mayhem exceeds their good judgement.

If you have old people in your home, and you are notified of a larceny type M laughing blue goblin, you should strongly consider hiring a pest removal service.

DEFCON LEVEL 3: URGENT! LAUGHING BLUE GOBLINS ARE IN YOUR ...UH...UH...dammit what is that word? I know it - ! why can't I think of it???? OH NO! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! Why is it an emergency again?