[5] Act 2: The Past

It happened... We went through the journey into the void plane. It wasn't too bad at first since seemed we were exposed to Garth's memories. Mostly good ones there, and saw a younger Caesanna. Seems the guy has been following her for a while.
 
Next it was Evindel, and not much was surprising, since he's been a pretty open book about his past... But I don't think I could have imagined the Shadecast without living those memories. Makes sense why everything seems new to him. I wonder at what it was like to live within a family... however not out of envy for him. That shit looked like hell. I feel privileged to have grown up alone.
 
Then we got a look into Tel's life. That was a surreal world to witness. Though I guess it isn't far off from this plane's existence that I've experienced in Revan, but it... There was less bad. But also still this sense of struggle. Gave some clarity to why she couldn't fight with us. And Armin's gave us almost too much clarity... And definitely too much for Tel.
 
But his memories came last... Mine came after Tel's. I didn't let my memories linger much... but the jist was there. Although... much of what I'd forgotten has come back to me. I am destined to die it seems. I... I don't know... I am still rather shocked by that whole part of my past.
 
Caesanna it seems lived a relatively normal life, even though she was orphaned... didn't seem to care much for it. Cannot blame her. I have no interest in finding my birth parents either. Seems an impossible task. But then... seems she was right that night about an overwhelming urge to protect me. Well, seems it isn't necessarily for my sake, but just... preserving the vessel.
That's what I am now... I can't seem to decide on if I feel cheated or finally given a life worth living... Neither feels entirely correct.
 
I wonder what Rainer would have thought. I wonder what we would have seen through his eyes. Everyone would know about his panty raid. That thought cheers me up some. What a absolute dork.
 
But then we saw Armin's past. One of the more unknowns in this party...
He seemed to grow up as he said. Grew to be a knight, and I think Caesanna's drunk assessment of him was correct, Rainier would have hated him. He was in a family of knights but had a love affair with Tel's sister, a rival family to his. But GOD did the void really have to have those pieces of our lives on display-
... Seems Caesanna and Evindel are virgins... as is Tel, but that's less surprising... Odd. I would have thought the Eladrin were more promiscuous than that. All the other fey seem to be.
God and they all know now my own... history. Fuck. Evindel is gonna hug me isn't he? No. He'll probably be too upset by his own memories. Or slapping Armin on the back for his own... conquest. I wonder if she's waiting for him back at his home. Wouldn't that be sweet. For once someone gets to go home to a happy ending... That'd be good.
 
Maybe we all could, well except for me. But it wasn't a happy start. To die possibly saving the world from a probably dangerous witch, might not be entirely sad. But an end. Just an end. I guess I could live with that.
Fuck, they all are gonna fret over me now. No... maybe not. I've done well at keeping them distant. They probably won't care too much. Least it won't hurt them when I'm gone. Perhaps that'd be worse. But they can't know that.
 
I'll have to make sure this journal is destroyed before I go, if I can help it. They don't need to know. It's better if they don't... I'll miss them. Even Armin...
NO! Gods! This is insane. I'm just a fucking shit whore who ran away! Is always running away! I don't want any of this!
 
...Someone find that witch so I can get this over with.