Session 117

General Summary

• The party discussed some of the ramifications of what the voice from the Rotor of Return had said.
• Why would Pendel need special beacons to keep the power granted to him by Mirage Prime while out in The Phantasmagoria, if he's just fine while in Exignis?
• According to Grogery, Baxton said that this is because The Wall™ blocks communication with deities... but then why would Grogery still be able to contact Pelor?
• They wandered further into the Phantasmagoria in search of the first beacon, encountering many strange phenomena along the way.
• Several identical images of them flanked them during the first leg of their journey, mimicking them at first, then moving strangely to get past a barrier, then fighting one another. The party mirrored their strange movements to get past that same barrier, but they declined to fight amongst themselves.
• Later, a field of flowers spontaneously grew out of the ground, tempting the party members to eat / drink from them. Dwardazik drank what was apparently ale from one of them, and he actually seemed to really enjoy it.
• Further on, the ground gave way to a maw, again seemingly coming out of nowhere. Dwardazik and Grogery were too slow to dodge and fell in. Dwardazik was made to chase after Grogery, even for a short while after Marvin, Dazki, and Kesmet (but mostly Marvin) sent down a rope and pulled them to safety.
• At the end of the day's travel, several iron bars and brickwork in the landscape slowly shifted around, seemingly unable to decide whether or not to exist.
• Unfortunately for them, it settled on "exist", in the form of a jail cell with a barrier around it impenetrable to anything alive.
• They also don't seem to be as close to a beacon as they should be, according to the map, so they probably haven't traveled exactly how they thought they did.
• Several undead mice filed in, each offering to give the power needed to break out of the jail cell, in exchange for a small bite of flesh. Unfortunately, each also claimed that all the other mice were lying, and it was seemingly impossible to work out which (if any) was telling the truth.
• A trio of undead rats entered the cell last, offering to tell them which mouse was telling the truth in exchange for help solving a problem of their own. They did, and the rats revealed that the mighty Count Ria is the power-mouse of the cell.
• Dazki let Count Ria bite him, giving him a huge boost of strength that allowed him to break the barrier as promised, and then Grogery savagely destroyed all the undead mice and rats with a single ability.

Full Recap

Editor's note: the entire time in The Phantasmagoria, Dazki is studiously recording notes about what he sees around him. I'm not going to mention every time it's called out (and if I missed something last session or two, I'm not going to go back and put this there). I'm going to just assume that the journal has a record of everything that happened which Dazki was aware of at the time.

Dwardazik: OK. I'm onboard with this plan. I mean, it's the best plan we've got so far. To the first beacon.   Dazki: Yeah... I do want to keep in mind what Kiirni said, though: traveling is not like normal.   Dwardazik: It's going to be difficult... I don't think we're going to be able to use anything as a guide.   Dazki: Well, we should start traveling the way we need to go.   Grogery: Before we really get going, though, I've made a few interesting observations and talked to Baxton a little bit. Here's something interesting: I can still cast spells and the like even past The Wall™, and Baxton said something about how The Wall™ blocks deity interaction.   Dwardazik: Huh? It does?   Grogery: My god can still access me through his plane, so what does it mean that Pendel needs to set up all these antennae to get his god's power accessible on this side of The Wall™?   Marvin: To me, that just sounds like whatever it is he's worshiping is Turmoil itself?   Grogery: No, because then how would he have power inside The Wall™, in Exignis? Baxton and the others apparently couldn't get access to the Mirage outside of The Wall™.   Dazki: Hm. That's interesting.   Grogery: Which means either there's, like, a hole somewhere in Exignis that someone poked in the planar structure, and that's how the Mirage is getting through — but they can't get the power through The Wall™ because it's supposed to block magic — or Mirage Prime is... already here in Exignis, somehow.   Dazki: Well, Strider was saying if it was Turmoil, it's "of this plane" already. Allegedly, Turmoil is native to this plane.   Grogery: How did Mirage get here, though? How did it arise in the middle of Exignis, which is supposed to be a purified zone?   Dazki: Is it really, though?   Grogery: It would certainly be way easier for it to arise way out in The Phantasmagoria, where there's Turmoil everywhere.   Dwardazik: Either one of those situations would be quite disturbing.   Grogery: When you have the ability to plan for the future and make structure that last, you get the ability to have organized society. Large religions. Fine magical equipment that you need years of training to be able to use. It's perhaps a situation where you can only have a new god like this if there's a learned population trying to support them. So maybe it is only possible for someone like Mirage Prime to come into being in somewhere like Exignis, where you have large stations of population, magical learning, and the like.   Dwardazik: Are you suggesting that he exists because people believe in him?   Grogery: Most gods are pretty powerful. It wouldn't make sense for them to be able to cause the things that they represent to exist. Like, how could there be a "god of healing magic" if there's no healing magic already? But then, how could a "god of healing magic" come into existence if there is no healing magic? ...I'm kind of talking in circles right now, but I mean, it kind-of indicates that something happened in Exignis that couldn't have happened in The Phantasmagoria, and —   Dazki: The thing must exist before the god, is that what you're saying?   Grogery: Yeah. Well, either that, or the god must be able to exist without the thing.   Dwardazik: If something happened on Exignis that would cause, let's say, a breach in the plane, then perhaps that breach that occurred on the plan might be able to affect time itself. We've already been dealing with this Rotor, and it seems like we've already been going back and forth in time, so maybe Turmoil only existed in the past, because it existed sometime in the future.   Grogery: Or maybe it has something to do with whatever this whole Red Desert area is, and our consciousness keeps getting sucked over there. One of my Sendings kind-of got deflected to Mirage Prime, I'm pretty certain, and that was a bit freaky.   Dazki: Really?   Grogery: Yeah, he was trying to do this whole temptation argument about, like, "you're serving a god that doesn't love you. with me, you can save who you want, you don't have to listen to society or religion or stuff like that", but, I mean, he clearly does not know who I am...   Dazki: I mean... ... ...yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to inject my opinion about the gods into this one, that would not be particularly useful.   Grogery: I'm not the kind of person who takes the easy way out. Usually, it's not actually an easy way out. So I tried to send back to him to let him know I wasn't interested, but I think it got deflected again and didn't actually go to him.   Dwardazik: Was that all Baxton had to say, or did he have something else?   Grogery: I asked him if he knew about this "antennae to boost his signal". He reaffirmed that my magic can still work because my deity's from a different plane. I asked if it was someone poking a hole, doing some magical experimentation, and he just coyly responded with "That would be the mystery, wouldn't it?".   Grogery (cont'd): I don't think he really understands that it's hard for people to not be afraid of things if they don't know about them and that, rather than sharing information and help us be on his side — eh, it's possible that he doesn't know either, so, I'm sorry Baxton.   Dwardazik: I wouldn't apologize to that lad.   Marvin: Yeah that's a surprise move...   Dazki: Honestly, I think Grogery is the best person to be talking with Baxton at the moment. I think he's the best one to help him.   Marvin: I don't disagree with that, I'm just surprised at the apology.   Grogery: Baxton is very interested in — I THINK it was Prime... it was weird, I didn't really recognize the voice.   Dwardazik: ...so, we've been wandering for a while.   Kesmet: Yeah, I have no idea where we're going. (He hands the map back to Dazki.)   Dwardazik: It felt like we were going in a straight line. I don't remember turning...

The Needs of the Many

Dwardazik: Well, I gotta say, that's a bit disturbin'!

Dwardazik: All right, guys, all right. Let's just make sure. Our code sign, to make sure that we know who we are, is going to be a thumbs-up. OK?   Marvin: Easy enough.

Dazki uses his Unerring Eye and looks at the copies flanking them.

Dazki: These are illusions. There are some native creatures here creating them. Some weird spider-things.   Kesmet, igniting his hand: Well, you know what we do with spiders.   Dazki: We don't know what else they can do. So, since they're not currently aggressive, I would really recommend... not that.   Dwardazik: I'm gonna have to agree. Let's not provoke them. Perhaps they're blind, and they can't even see that we exist.   Grogery: If they can't see us, then how would they know to make illusions that... you know...   Dwardazik: It could be reactionary. Like camouflage.   Marvin: Might not be something they control. It's interesting, Dazki, you're saying that they're not just naturally copies of us. You're saying there's something behind it? Something, maybe not necessarily intelligent, but something with intent?   Dazki: Yeah, something intentionally creating the illusion.   Marvin: That makes this seem less... mystical.   Dazki: Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the Phantasmagoria for you...   Marvin: No, it's not that you're ruining it... oh, man...

Dwardazik: Ugh, we're gonna have to go around this.   Dazki: Yeah... let's give whatever that is a wide berth. If the natural creatures here tend to avoid it, I would assume it's some kind of predator's nest or some other thing we don't want to get near.   Dwardazik: Makes sense to me. Last time we went towards a mound, it was covered in ants.   Kesmet: Everything you guys are saying sounds really reasonable. I've got this gut feeling that that's not going to fly here.

Dwardazik: Should we "monkey-see-monkey-do" this?   Dazki: Hell if I know... ... ...sure. Monkey see, monkey do.   Dwardazik: All right guys, I'm not sure if this is really the best choice, but we all have to either agree or not, so I guess we might as well try.

They go for it.

Dazki: Let's ignore them and continue on our path.   Dwardazik: I dunno... it says we gotta attack each other. Dazki, I mean, this is it. We've come a long way, so uh...   Grogery: What if they're mimicking us to have us do what they're doing? Like a weird circular logic sort of thing? The walking backwards was just testing to see if we'd play along.   Dazki: Yeah, I dunno, I'm not gonna play along with attacking each other, though.   Dwardazik: Aww, and here I thought we'd get to do a rough and tumble.   Dazki: Sorry, bar fights are not for me.   Grogery: You wouldn't want to see me viciously attacking.

Ignoring the suggestion of their illusory selves, the party continues forward, (apparently) unscathed.

Flowery Language

Dwardazik: I can't help but miss a good old-fashioned bar. You know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Ol' Mrs... bar... shit, what's-her-name?   Grogery: Tilda?   Marvin: The gnome from swamp town?   Dwardazik: Yeah, for some reason, my memory is struggling...   Grogery: Momma.   Dwardazik: "Momma", yes! Ah, Momma's tavern really sounds good to me right now.   Dazki: Are you feeling OK, Dwardazik?   Dwardazik: Just a bit nostalgic for some ale, what can I say?   Dazki: I mean the memory thing.   Dwardazik: Naw, just all that's going on, it's hard to keep track of every single person we've met.   Dazki: All right.

Grogery: Are these flowers trying to get us to pollinate them?   Dazki: I don't know. Either way, I'm gonna go ahead and say... I plan on not eating any flower... food. From here.   Grogery: Yeah, I don't trust any food from this place that I haven't grown myself.   Dwardazik: If it ain't ale, I ain't interested.

Grogery: Oh, they can hear us. This is creepy.   Dazki goes to pick a piece off of a flower.   Dwardazik: Hol' up. Now, we know this shit could be kinda dangerous. But, at the same time, it wasn't necessarily always dangerous. That could be fresh ale, I'm just saying.   Grogery: But why would it give you something that you want, for free?   Dwardazik: Why... not? It's chaos.   Grogery: There's no such thing as a free lunch!

Dwardazik inspects it.

Dwardazik: Ugh, this is warm ale?! I don't want none of this!

Dwardazik pushes it away and hits it with his mace, smashing it. He licks some of it off of his mace; it's actually not bad. He goes to the next one and drinks it.

Dwardazik: Guys, this actually tastes pretty good!   Grogery: Is it like the ale that you sacrificed to save us, all that time ago?   Dwardazik: Don't bring up Mr. Keg!   Grogery: The sacrifice was not in vain.   Dazki: Dude. Are you feeling OK?   Dwardazik: Yeah. I mean, we just went through a heated desert of death, and we walked for miles. I could use a fresh drink. And I doubt we're going to find some fresh water.   Grogery: I made some fresh water this morning...   Dwardazik: Yeah, I know, but like... not fresh-magic-water. Except... this is magic-ale... aw, damnit! Grogery, you're ruining this moment for me!   Grogery: I'm sorry, but, like, it's a bad idea to eat and drink stuff out here.   Dazki: Yeah. It's tempting, but it's a bad idea.   Dwardazik: Damnit... fine. Dwarven tastes better anyway.

Dwardazik stomps the plant.

Dazki: ...huh.   Grogery: Weird that there's food that seems to want to be eaten, but again, it obviously has a purpose.   Dazki: Like you said, though, pollination seems reasonable.   Dwardazik: You know... bah, never mind.   Dazki: What?   Dwardazik: Not drunk enough to make that joke.   Dazki: Got it.

Moving on — according to the map and where they think they are, hopefully towards the next beacon.

Landfall

Dwardazik: At least we're not walkin' through that tunnel, but I gotta tell ya, there's something odd about walking endlessly through stuff that doesn't even make any sense.   Marvin: I hear ya.   Dazki: Don't you guys find it really interesting?   Dwardazik: It's interesting, but... I mean, just look up! (He points up.) It just seems that much more unsettling that you can't see the top of a tunnel ceiling, or the actual sky.   Dazki: But look at how everything up there is changing! It's really beautiful, in a way.   Dwardazik: I won't disagree that it's interesting, just... something about it makes me feel like I'm falling. Endlessly. In a void of nothingness.

Dwardazik: What the hell?! Where did this come from?!   Grogery: What? I don't have anything to fight...   Dwardazik: Grogery. Start climbin'.   Dazki, yelling down from above: Hold on, guys, I'm going to tie a rope off and throw it down to you. That should make it easier to get out of whatever that is.

Dazki pulls out the rope and asks the other two for help pulling Dwardazik and Grogery back up. Meanwhile, Dwardazik has entered a mental state with some of the effects of a Barbarian's Rage.   The maw begins to close, and Grogery starts hurriedly climbing the rope with Dwardazik clearly intending to get him, spouting some angry words at him about how he had used Lesser Restoration at an earlier point to "fix his drunkenness". Dwardazik dashes up the rope after him too and tries to snatch his leg, barely missing. On the other side of the rope, with Marvin in the anchor position, (Athletics 22) he's able to yank them up practically on his own. Grogery is running away from Dwardazik.

Grogery: OK, Dwardazik, you're out of the hole. Are you OK?   Dwardazik: You're an alco-heretic!   Marvin: What happened down there?!   Grogery: He got cursed with anger or something, he wants to punch me!   Grogery casts Hold Person on Dwardazik, keeping him in place.   Grogery: OK. So, the maw — I don't know if you guys could hear — shouted "fight, my champions!" and then started to try to eat us. So, I think it maybe cursed Dwardazik with a rage of some description, but I can't remove curses or calm emotions right now.   Dazki, putting himself in between them: Hey, look. Dwardazik, I don't know what's going on. Take a deep breath and just focus on my voice. Not whatever anger or whatever it is you're feeling inside of you. Just focus on my voice. Hey Marvin, maybe some music to help soothe the savage beast?   Marvin, using Countercharm and making something up on the spot:

♪
Oh, there once was a dwarf who drank a lot of ale,
But he went a long time without any... ale...
He saw a goblin and got real mad,
Now he's really really sad!
♪

Dwardazik's face seems to have lost its rage.   Dazki, after about 10 seconds: OK, Grogery, I think you can let the spell go.   Dwardazik, falling to the ground and breathing heavily: oh man, I'm tired... what the hell was that about...   Grogery: I think the maw was trying to make us fight each other.   Dwardazik: just give me a moment to catch my breath...   Dazki: Yeah, it's all good.   Grogery: I'm sorry for cleansing the ale from my system that one time.   Dwardazik: I barely... even remembered that happened... ugh, I feel like every single muscle in my body tried to lift a boulder! I really could use an ale...   Grogery: Are you OK, though?   Dwardazik: I don't know what happened. I thought about falling, and then all of a sudden we were falling, and then something just happened when I hit the ground. I just thought, "this is it", the rage overtook me. For some reason, I just heard a voice that said "Fight", and it just happened! Damn this place.   Grogery: It's OK, it happens to the best of us. Remember back in Vicra's hideout, when that ghost possessed me and I started attacking all of you?   Dazki: Yeah.   Dwardazik: Just be careful. I understand what you're saying, but maybe if we feel something emotionally, maybe the Phantasmagoria actually does it? I thought about falling, and I fell!   Grogery: Well, it responds to our meditations and calms around us, so it seems plausible.   Dwardazik: I didn't think it would respond like this!   Grogery: So, to answer your question from before, Dazki — yes, it does look kind-of beautiful, but it's a bit easy to be distracted by stuff like this. And I find it impressive when people are still able to see beauty in dangerous situations.

Dwardazik approaches Grogery, takes his hand, and kneels.

Dwardazik: I'm sorry. I almost broke my vow. I owe my life to you.   Barry stands up and claps. He loves a good wedding.   Grogery: Dwardazik. Get up. You don't have to kneel to me about this. (He stands up.) You vowed to protect all of us. You tried your best. That's all that I really want: that we all try our best to help people. Sometimes, our best isn't enough, but that's why we're all here, doing this together. So that we can pick up the pieces for people who are having a hard time.   Dwardazik: I will be stronger, and I will not break that trust you've given me. And I will protect us, damnit! This place will not get the best of me!   Grogery: That's the spirit.   Dazki: Now that that's settled, we do need to find somewhere to camp. It's starting to be a bit of a long day. It's starting to be a bit of a long day.   Grogery: Let's not camp inside the hole. That is my thought on the matter.

Grogery: ...let us not camp inside the hole that no longer exists.

Missed Directions: Long Rest

Dwardazik: I was afraid we'd get a bit off track, but frankly, I'm just glad we're all still in one piece. Well, what do you say we try and set up a campsite?   Grogery: Sure.

Grogery tries to scout out an area further away from the (once-)maw to find camp.

Grogery: All right, this seems to be a little bit more organized than the space around it, so it's probably less likely to try to eat us.   Dwardazik: What does it mean if... all right, hear me out. The beacons are constant in the Phantasmagoria, correct?   Grogery: They would've had to have been designed that way, yeah.   Dwardazik: So maybe the area surrounding the beacon is more constant?   Grogery: Like, it would have to manipulate the Phantasmagoria to achieve some level of regularity that gets more extreme the closer you get.   Dwardazik: I don't want to be led astray, but I just wonder if we're close to a beacon or not...?   Dazki: I don't know, we can investigate in the morn — ...after sleeping. But that doesn't seem like an unreasonable assertion.   Dwardazik: Ugh. Same watch as usual.   Grogery: Remember to wake me up this time!   Dwardazik: ...nothin' against ya, Barry, but could I have another partner this time?   Barry: Wh—... Wh—...   Dazki: Sure. Barry, why don't you take first and second watch with Marvin and Kesmet, I'll take third and fourth watch with Dwardazik and Grogery. Does that sound OK today?   Barry, whispering very loudly: But... but Dazki...   Dazki: Yes?   Barry: ...I don't like those guys as much...   Marvin: Oh, wow.   Dazki: All the more reason to get to know them better. And... make sure it's actually them.   Barry: gasp you got it, boss.   Marvin: What have you wrought upon us, Dazki?!   Dazki: You'll be fine.   Marvin: I dunno, he might grow wings or something!

First Watch: Kesmet + Barry

Kesmet: Hey, Barry. What's your impression of this place?   Barry: Shit's fucked, bro.   Kesmet: Indeed. Indeed.   Barry: And I don't think anybody that willingly lives here is gonna have any sort of sanity.   Kesmet: Wait, people live here?   Barry: Yeah! There's apparently tribes and shit out here, right? Or werewolves? I don't know, they had the tunnel, right? Why would they only be on one side of it?   Kesmet: I dunno, maybe poor planning?   Barry:

  Kesmet: Either way, let's watch out for anything weeeeird happening. Like any more of those giant mouths swallowing our friends.   Barry: What are you gonna do after you get your revenge and stuff?   Kesmet: Oh jeez, you're together enough to understand that... ...I mean, uh...   Kesmet: Not really sure. Maybe just open another bakery again. Haven't really thought about it, to be honest. It's been several years since I've been just completely and utterly consumed by it. What about you? What are you gonna do once you're no longer a fish-person?   Barry: I guess... whatever actual me was gonna do? I dunno.   Kesmet: Well, actual you was gonna deliver some, like, stuff to us. WAAAY back when, like, at least a week ago. That's kind-of gone and past.   Barry: I'm sure I had a bunch of other cool shit planned! Definitely not a throwaway character in this story! Nope, Barry's goin' places!   Kesmet: All right. Well, we should probably watch out for any stuff.

Kesmet: Barry, did you hear that?   Barry: No, what was it?   Kesmet: Sounded like a wolf. Or a turtle. It could be either one in this place.

Kesmet: Who goes there? (He prepares his finger guns.)

Kesmet uses a subtle Minor Illusion making a siren sound that wakes up the party.

Dazki: What's going on?!   Dwardazik: Huh?   Kesmet: There's invisible werewolves everywhere! There's invisible werewolves everywhere!   Grogery, still groggy: Kesmet, go back to sleep.   Dwardazik: Where are they at?   Kesmet: They're invisible!   Barry grabs his bow.

Dazki Unerring-Eyedly walks around the campsite. Nothing invisible within the campsite, as Dwardazik runs to protect Grogery.

Dazki: It was just... it was just a rat.   Kesmet: Are you sure? Where is it?!   Dazki: It's right there.   Dwardazik gets between the rat and Grogery.   Dazki: That is the only thing within, like, 60 feet of our campsite.

Dazki: It could be that the animals here can make noises much louder than we would expected.   Kesmet: Nah, I felt this. The smell of wet fur in the air, the claws, etc.   Dazki: Don't know what to tell you. If it was here, it's gone now. Skittered as soon as it heard the siren, maybe.   Grogery: You scared it off.   Dwardazik: I'll protect ya, Grogery!   Grogery: Dwardazik, I'm fine.

The rest of the party goes back to sleep, and Barry and Kesmet finish up their watch.

Second Watch: Marvin + Barry

Marvin: No more rats, right?   Barry: It ran off.   Marvin: Well, good work, Barry. That rat could've turned into a giant monster, for all we know.   Barry: Well, it didn't.   Marvin: All thanks to you.   Barry: I don't know if that's true.   Marvin: I don't either, but I like to believe so. Ugh, I can't believe we're staying in this place...

Marvin modifies his own memory, causing himself to see palm trees instead of prison bars.

Marvin: This does look kind of nice, doesn't it, Barry?   Barry: Um... ... ...sure?   Marvin: What do you see?   Barry: Why, what do you see?   Marvin: Palm trees!   Barry: ... ... ...how do I know you're you?   Marvin:

  Barry: THAT WAS TOO MANY THUMBS UP!   Marvin: Quiet! Jeez, you're gonna wake everyone up!   Barry, quieter: That was too many thumbs up!   Marvin: "Thumbs up". "Thumbs" is plural.   Barry: You've been replaced!   Marvin: "Thumbs". Plural. More than one.   Barry: No, no, it was one thumb. Everybody gave me one thumb!   Marvin sighs.   Barry: I'm gonna have to ask that you turn yourself in when everybody else wakes up.   Marvin: I'm OK with this. I'll do that. I'll turn myself in.   Barry: OK, just... just be over there!   Marvin: Where, here?   Barry, pointing: No! No, over... over there!   Marvin, humoring him: OK. I'll be over here.

Third Watch: Dwardazik + Dazki

Marvin: Hey guys, I gotta turn myself in. Barry thinks I'm an imposter.   Dazki: All right, we'll "interrogate" you in the morning.   Marvin: Yeah, that's what he said.   Dwardazik: What's the sign?   Marvin:

  Dwardazik: He passes.   Barry: I taught him that! Don't buy into it!   Dwardazik: But he passed, Barry!   Barry: He tricked me into giving him the real signal! He's a wily one! Keep an eye out.   Dwardazik: Barry, he's legit! He'll be fine.   Dazki: He gave you that gun, remember?   Barry: HE didn't say that!   Dazki: Speaking of which, here: you take mine, and I'll try to fix that one over my watch. Does that sound good to you? That way, we can both have guns that work?   Barry: Sure. It doesn't seem like the best trade, but I think I'm coming out ahead.   Marvin: He's not wrong.   Marvin and Barry exit.   Dwardazik: Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna don my armor and sit on this side of the camp.   Dazki: Sure.

Dwardazik sits and meditates, specifically focusing on his surroundings, specifically trying not to get distracted by anything, while Dazki (Tinker's Tools 17) easily fixes the gun. Dazki takes out a piece of chalk and marks on and around several of the iron bars to make sure they're not moving.

Dazki: All right, I think you can head back to sleep, Dwardazik. I'll get Grogery.   Dwardazik: Works for me. Pretty uneventful watch.   Dazki: Yeah, well, that's a good thing sometimes.

Fourth Watch: Grogery + Dazki

Grogery: Huh. We appear to be in some sort of prison.   Dazki: Yeah, I marked the bars just to make sure they're not shifting and moving.

Grogery: Have we actually been out here for eight days?   Dazki: I certainly hope not. Otherwise, my personal perception of time has gone pretty haywire.   Grogery: Well, I can help you keep track of the bars. I have an idea for getting out of this when we're all awake.   Dazki: All right.   Grogery: You know prison cells usually have a lock on 'em, right?   Dazki: Yeah.   Grogery: Obviously.   Dazki: Actually, unrelated to the prison thing, I'm actually gonna need your help with something once we get back to Ashport.   Grogery: How so?   Dazki: You know the whole "publishing books and everything" idea that I'm working on, right?   Grogery: Uh-huh.   Dazki: Books tend to be particularly expensive, so most households either can't afford them, or they maybe have just one, or something like that. So the first book that I'd want to publish would be just a general information book. Glossary, things like that. Like 10-15 pages, teaching people the letters, how to read, stuff like that. Some pages on basic arithmetic, numbers, a little bit of history. One thing that I think would be really useful is some common herbal remedies.   Grogery: Ah!   Dazki: Something that I know jack shit about. If you could help me out by, you know, writing out some recipes for common issues? You know, headaches, disinfecting and wrapping wounds, menstrual problems, things like that?   Grogery: Sure. It would be great if people would remember to boil the water that they're cleaning their wounds with. Surprisingly, not a lot of people do that.   Dazki: Yeah. So, there you go, basic things like that that would help. An all-purpose reference book.   Grogery: Cool. Seems like it would actually help a lot of people.   Dazki: That's the goal.   Grogery: So, how is this printing going to be done? Like, I know how seals work, imprinting onto wax... is this a similar idea?   Dazki: Yeah. The goal is to arrange letters to print an entire sheet of paper at once, like a stamp.   Grogery: A giant stamp.   Dazki: Yeah! But you can change the letters, take them off and put them on as you want. Stamp multiple sheets of paper. One after the other, after the other, after the other. So you can print dozens — if not hundreds! — of them in a day.   Grogery: Well, if you're going to try to fit a lot of information into a small space for these handbooks, that's going to be a lot of tiny letters.   Dazki: Yeah.   Grogery: Might need someone with a lot of manual dexterity helping this endeavor.   Dazki: Yeah, I was actually going to talk to Mot about finding labor and things like that. Someone who could be well trained on operating the press.   Grogery: Well, I was thinking that, I feel like this Bright Futures, Inc. situation going on at The Spire of Beasts, it feels suspicious.   Dazki: I'm going to go with, not necessarily "suspicious", just exploitative.   Grogery: We might be in a position where we can be less exploitative. If that makes sense.   Dazki: Yeah, absolutely. I certainly intend to pay fairly for the work being done.   Grogery: Get a bunch of goblins in there, teach them how to read as they're arranging the letters for these books. Might take a while, since I get the feeling that not a lot of them are literate.   Dazki: Well, they would need to be able to read before they put the letters on.   Grogery: Ah. All right. I see. Well, baby steps.   Dazki: Yep. And, hey, reading is a skill that can be learned.   Grogery: True. You might also want to work on some larger plates that can have, like, diagrams. Those would be hard to fit in, but for things like "here's what this dangerous plant — that tends to live everywhere — looks like. don't touch this", or something, and that might be useful.   Dazki: Yeah. I want to start small with things like that, and we can possibly look into more specific books as the business grows. That's my thought there.   Grogery: OK.

Of Mice and Rats

Dazki: I'm sorry, do you speak Elven or Common? I don't speak... Mouseish...?   Baron Fjord (the mouse with the scarf): You guys are all well and trapped up in here, deliciously-scented fellas!   Grogery: "Trapped" is a matter of perspective.   Dazki: I'm more worried about the "deliciously-scented".   Grogery: Also a matter of perspective.   Baron Fjord: Well! Do you wish to stay trapped?   Dazki: Not particularly, no.   Baron Fjord: Well, then, you are in luck, travelers!   Dazki: All right. Why are we in luck?   Baron Fjord, bowing as if it's some sort of nobility: I am Baron Fjord the Strong! If you allow me to feast on but a bit of your blood from your flesh, my bite will grant you the power to break out of this prison cell! Neat!   Dazki: Um. I'm going to go ahead and... refuse... that offer. For now. Kind though it may be, I think I would prefer to explore other options before allowing my flesh to be cannibalized.   A second mouse runs in to intervene. This one has a cape.   Count Ria: Do not fall for the Baron's cruel lies! It is I, Count Ria the Mighty, whose bite will give you the power to escape this prison cell! Baron Fjord the Strong is a liar!   Dazki: Tell you what, why don't you two have an honor duel to figure it out? And then whoever wins can... uh... not consume my flesh, as I don't want my flesh consumed.   As those two mice attack each other the way mice do, a third fatter mouse barely manages to squeeze through a set of iron bars. This one's got a little judge's wig on.   Grogery: These are all... cute?... somehow, but... I feel like we should be worried about all this?   Duchess Butte: Don't listen to Baron Fjord the Strong or Count Ria the Mighty. They're anything but! The bite of I, Duchess Butte the Robust, is the one that will grant you the power you so require to escape this prison cell!   Dazki: No thank you.   Grogery: Maybe you can honor duel the winner of that honor duel over there?

Dazki: Listen. We're not going to willingly give our blood to any of you. We're going to explore other options. Could you please leave us be?   They do not.   Grogery: You know what, Dazki? I don't think these mice even have the ability to give us the power to leave this cell.   Almost simultaneously, all the mice pipe up that they do.   Grogery: I mean, you guys can't even leave this cell? What would make us believe that you can give us the power to leave, if you can't even leave?   Chief Hoodoo: I heard the others speaking poorly of Chief Hoodoo the Athletic, and I will not have it! For Chief Hoodoo is the one that has the power you need!   Dazki: Prove it. Leave the cell.

Nobody leaves, so Dazki grabs a burning stick from their fire and brandishes it, scaring the mice away into a corner. They return, and he does the same. This goes on for long enough that the rest of the party can wake up.

Dwardazik: ...whaaaat?   Marvin: I always knew Dazki would become some kind of cult leader.   Grogery: Dazki didn't strike me as the type to partake in the rat race.   Dwardazik: Listen. Strangers. You'll stand back at least twenty feet, or else you'll face my mace.   Grogery: We're not even going to leave until morning! Even if we were going to accept the deal, it would be much later! You're just looking desperate, which makes you look like liars.   Lord Karst: They are! They're all liars, except for me, Lord Karst the Forceful! I possess magic the others do not. Allow me to drink of your blood from your flesh, and I will grant you the power to escape this prison!   Marvin: Prison?   Grogery: OK. OK. OK. OK. Listen here. (They all stop to listen intently to Grogery.) I am a follower of Pelor. There is one thing that I know is more difficult than any other task. Even most members of this adventuring group can't do it most of the time, and they have traveled far and wide and bested foes that could eat all of you for breakfast, even if you are telling the truth. The hardest thing any of them can do is sit still and be quiet for about two and a half hours. If you really were truly able to give us strength that we do not have, you would be able to demonstrate this technique. (Persuasion 9)   Sir Delta: There is no need to wait! It is I, Sir Delta the Vigorous, who will give you the power that you need! You needn't listen to all the other mice!   Grogery: Well, I tried.   Dwardazik: Is that power that you say you have?   Queen Dell: It is I, Queen Dell the Unyielding! And it is true, it is I the one magic mouse of the bunch, that will grant you the ultimate strength to break through these bars to freedom!

Dwardazik attacks a bar very forcefully with his mace. It makes a nice sound, but the bar doesn't even so much as rattle.

Marvin: Why are you attacking the palm tree?   Dazki: What do you mean, "palm tree"?

Marvin tries to walk through between what he perceives to be palm trees, but he is stopped by an invisible force. They consider doing their daily meditations to hopefully clear some of this up, but they get concerned that the mice might be too distracting for that.

Kesmet: Well, they're afraid of fire, so I'll just create a Minor Illusion of a flame wall around us —   Dazki: Please don't do that. Remember, your illusions have a habit of becoming real, in an ironic and unwanted way lately.   Kesmet: Maybe this time, it will be wanted!

• Dazki will stabilize a 10-foot area around him for the day.
• Dwardazik and Grogery will stabilize 5-foot areas around themselves for the day.
• Marvin and Barry will stabilize their own areas for the day.
• Kesmet will not stabilize anything for the day.

Dazki walks over to an edge of the cell.

Grogery: Well, this is a prison cell, so it needs to have a lock on it, right?   Dazki: I would think there'd be a door or a lock...

Dazki: All right. Let's see if there's a secret tunnel or something hidden around here.

Dazki runs his hands along the floor, around the seams, checking for weaknesses. (Investigation 22) Editor's note: I guess this just... didn't happen? Because it was never acknowledged. As he does...

Count Ria: Listen. I am Count Ria the Mighty, and I am the magic mouse. So, I'll be over here with the rest of the mice, but I think I should be the one to taste upon adventurer flesh. Just sayin'!

Dwardazik tries to use his pickaxe to dig a tunnel. (Athletics 7) it pings uselessly off the surface of this stone, which is weird.

Dwardazik: This ain't no normal stone!   Dazki: OK, here's a question for my compatriots. Kesmet, Marvin, you guys can do that teleport through a doorway to somewhere you can see, right?   Kesmet + Marvin: Yeah.   Dazki: And we can see through these bars. So... why don't we just... use that to get out?   Marvin: Yeah, sure, why not. Who wants to come with me?   Barry, raising his hand: I'm supposed to keep an eye on you...   Marvin:

  Barry: I'm onto you...   Dazki: OK, wait, before you guys do that. The problem is, it's a one-way teleportation, right? And you can only take one person at a time? That would be a whole lot of magic.   Kesmet: Can we at least reach through the bars?

Dazki tries.

Marvin: Well, screw it. (He grabs Barry's elbow.) We doin' this?   Barry: Yeah!

Marvin tries to Dimension Door twenty feet beyond the palm trees.

Marvin: Yeah! Um... we're not doing that. Not again. Nope, nope.   A hand reaches out and slams where the door used to be and is not anymore.   Grogery, with a sigh and looking back at the mice:

Dwardazik places his hand on one of the edges while everyone is distracted.

Grogery: ...the heck was that? Did anybody else hear that?!   Marvin: Hear what?   Dazki: I heard your voice just now.   Grogery: ...OK... I think something Sent to me... it said that it wants to move through the barrier and help us, I think, but that living things can't move through the barrier. So the mice want to bite us and kill us, and that's how we'll be able to get through the barrier. Obviously.   Marvin: Yeah, I'm allergic to the undead. I don't want to partake in that.   Dwardazik: ...wut?   Dazki: Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and say being dead is not great.   Grogery: Well, I was going to ask the mice directly what sort of power they expect to be able to grant us to get through this barrier, but it seems like they just want to eat us alive.   Dwardazik: Grogery, I'm not sure, but I think it's possible that... perhaps my passenger has talked to you? But that doesn't make any sense.   Grogery: Did it sound kind of like, high-pitched... like, I guess, a dwarven child or something?   Dwardazik: I would say that is fairly accurate, but remember, it could be a trick.   Dwardazik (cont'd, after a pause): Do we have any idea of how to get through this wall, then? Do we really have to get bit by these mice? I mean, come on.   A mouse raises its hand.   Viscount Canal: I know one way you can get through the barrier! And it's with the great strength provided by Viscount Canal the Potent!   Grogery: Living things cannot get through this barrier, so you're all not alive then, I guess? Either way, what sort of power do you expect to be able to grant us that can get us through this barrier?   Prince Gully: Don't listen to Viscount Canal the Potent, they are just a normal vampire mouse.   Grogery: Oh, they're vampires. Duh.   Prince Gully: It is I, Prince Gully the Indomitable, that is the real magic mouse who can grant you the strength to dispel this barrier!   Grogery: You guys realize I am a cleric of Pelor, right?   The mice twitch their noses, seeming not to recognize Pelor by name. Probably because they are mice.   Dazki: They also told us what we need to do: DISPEL the barrier.   Grogery: Ah, yes. Kesmet, do you have that spell?   Kesmet tries to dispel it. Nothing changes.   Grogery: I mean, you can always try again, right?   Lady Bay: Or! Or, — hear me out — you could let me, Lady Bay the Stalwart — the only non-vampiric mouse — grant you magical powers by allowing me to bite you, thus giving you the strength to break through the barrier!   (Insight 23) there's a lot of lying going on.   Grogery prepares to Channel Divinity: Turn Undead.   Dwardazik: Grogery, Grogery, hold...

Dress Rats

Dwardazik: Grogery, I have a suspicion. Perhaps this is actually a test. Not a test of strength, but a test of — I guess the best word is insight, in a way, or perception. Because what we really need to do is... what if one of these things is telling the truth, and our test is to determine which one it is? Not so much a puzzle of strength or creativity, but a puzzle of aptitude. Do you have any way of determining lies?   Grogery: Not prepared. I know that if something is not undead, it shouldn't have anything to worry about if I turn it.

Grogery: What now?   Rat: Sirs, I deeply apologize for the lying tongues of my brethren. (He bows deeply, as the other two rats work on unlocking the tinder box.) We three are also very fond of lying, but if you could help us out, we will make an exception.   Grogery: An exception to... lying?   Rat: Yes! We will tell you which of the mice before you is actually the one you seek, for strength.   Grogery: But... you're fond of lying. So you're not telling us that you're actually going to follow through on this.   Rat: We'll make an exception for this very important task.   Grogery: Are you also making an exception right now? As you tell us "here are the terms of the agreement", being under no obligation to tell the truth at all.   Dwardazik: ...Grogery...   Kesmet: Wait! I've heard this riddle before! So one of them is telling the truth, and one of them is lying all the time, and we need to figure it out with only one question, and the question is... ... ...uh, I don't remember, but we can also dangle 'em over a pit of fire. That also works.   Dwardazik: Don't we have one of those cool spells, to give us a zone of truth?   Grogery: Again, not prepared.   Dazki: So, anyway... how do we know you're telling the truth right now, and how do we know that you'll keep the terms of your bargain — as you are professed liars?   (Insight 29) The rat and its two companions seem keen on telling you exactly one truth, and that truth is which mouse will allow you to get past the barrier.   Dazki: And what do you ask for in exchange for that information?   Second Rat, holding a small tinder box: We, too, wish to be dressed like the mice. But we simply cannot recall our role in this grand play. Am I a beggar? Am I a king? Am I a scholar? We remember so little of ourselves!

Second Rat: Can you help us figure out who we are?   Dazki: ... ... ...sure...   Marvin: That's a very existential question.   Grogery: Sounds better than getting feasted upon by vampire mice.   Second Rat: Yes, only one of the mice there has the power you need.   Dwardazik: So, all you need are names then, is that correct?   Dazki: We need to assign them the correct role in the play. The one that belonged to them. Not just randomly assigned.   Dwardazik: What about "Ridley", "Latimer", and "Cranmer"?   Grogery: What information would we have to go off of, to figure out which is what?   A Rat, shyly playing with its tail: We do remember... some things.   Grogery: Like what?   The three rats, separately:

1. All of my cheddar was earned by others.
2. I enjoyed watching fools perform every day.
3. I would ask instead of demand.

The party quickly conclude that:

1. The first rat's description could fit either the king or the beggar.
2. The second rat's description could fit either the scholar or the king.
3. The third rat's description could fit either the beggar or the scholar.

Based on that, they reason that there are two possible solutions:

• One assigns the three rats, respectively, as: [king, scholar, beggar].
• The other assigns the three rats, respectively, as: [beggar, king, scholar].

They debate for a while about which of the two possible solutions seems more reasonable, based on how closely the description fits the intended role (occasionally trying to cheese it to get more information, to no avail). Dwardazik, frustrated by the inaction, is about to commit to the second option when Dazki stops him, and then Kesmet proposes:

Kesmet: Maybe it's still a "liars" thing? Maybe the only honest thing they told us is that they were gonna help us with the mouse, but then everything they told us from then on is a lie? They did say they like lying.   Grogery: Wait. Yeah. What if they are lying about — oh.   Kesmet: Presuming that, does that eliminate any stuff? The one guy "couldn't possibly be the king"... so if we assign him as the king, then what about the other two? Is there anything that they "couldn't possibly be"?   Dazki: Oh God, yep, that's true.   Grogery talks himself into a spiral of confusing logic.   Kesmet: The guy whose money was made by everybody else, he made all his own money, so he might be the... beggar?   Grogery: Scholar, because beggars have to depend on other people's income.   Kesmet: OK, #1, Scholar. The guy who likes watching other people entertain him, that's not something a beggar would do.   Marvin: Does it matter that they say "liked", as in, past-tense? I don't know if that's important or not here.   Dazki: I don't think so, they're talking about the roles they forgot in the play.   Marvin: Ahh, gotcha.   Grogery: OK, so if they are lying right now, then:

1. Rat 1 would have to be the scholar. His cheddar was earned by himself, which you can only do by being a scholar (at least, relative to a beggar or a king).
2. Rat 3 then demands instead of asks — well, because scholar is already taken, he would have to be the king.
3. If Rat 2 didn't like watching fools perform everyday, then that doesn't disqualify him from being a beggar.

Dazki: Yeah. The only true thing that they were going to tell us was which mouse would give us the power. So yeah, all of those statements are lies. Brilliant, Kesmet!   Kesmet: ...what's brilliant?   Dazki: Weren't you the one who suggested "what if they're all lying"?   Kesmet: I dunno, I didn't get enough sleep last night. Because of all the werewolves. I say we go with the crazy option, which is the one I came up with.   Dazki: You know, I really like that. I'm all for it.

They all commit to this.

King Rat: Adventurers! The mighty Count Ria is the power-mouse of this cell.   (Insight 24) the king has said those words, and the crown seems to fit well upon his head.   Dazki, clearing his throat: ...all right... Count Ria!   Shoving her way through the mouse melee, a mouse will approach you.   Dazki: I've been told that you are the true power-mouse in this cell. You can get us out of this cell.   Count Ria: You have chosen me, the one true power-mouse, to bite you and feed upon your flesh?   Dazki: I've not chosen you yet. I have some questions and reservations. One: how much flesh would you need to consume?   Count Ria: It is merely a bite. A simple bite! Enough to drink upon your flesh, fresh from the tap.   Dazki: What powers would you grant us with this?   Count Ria: I will give you the power and energy you need to force your way through the barrier. Don't listen to my brethren — they only mean to sap your strength!   Dazki: And what is that power?   Count Ria: It is magical strength.   Dazki: Like, pure physical might? Magical strength to remove the barrier? Some kind of more nebulous power?   Kesmet, frustratedly picking up Count Ria: Stop talking in circles! Are you a vampire that's going to make us undead or not?! (Persuasion 12)   Count Ria: I am not a vampire mouse like the others! I am Count Ria the Mighty! I can grant you the power you need!   Kesmet: What kind of power? Be specific! Please!   Count Ria: I am a mouse, despite my title...   Dazki, holding out his hand: OK, here. Bite my hand.

Dazki: Yep, all right, I think that was the right mouse, guys. I think we can get out of here now.   Grogery: All right. Everybody get out.

When everybody is out, Grogery finally uses Channel Divinity: Turn Undead, and all the mice and rats (including Count Ria) instantly disintegrate, screaming as they turn into skeletons and then into dust, which finally gets blown away. All their accessories fall to the ground, though.   Dwardazik picks up a cute little mouse hat.

Grogery: Oh! I didn't... well...   Marvin: Grogery, how could you?   Kesmet, beginning to make a face: Daaaamn, Grogery! That was cold!   Grogery: OK, I made a poor choice, and I feel bad...   Dazki: I think Pelor would approve of that choice. You did not suffer an undead to live.   Dwardazik: Grogery, that was pretty brutal.   Grogery: You're one to talk. How many people have you killed, where were like "no, don't kill them"?   Dwardazik: It was self-defense...   Kesmet is still making his face.