Session 107

General Summary

• The party exited The Channelhopper at Dew Mill, a town built next to a lumber mill. The lumber mill is just finishing up with the last few logs coming in before the dry season is in full swing, so the town is pretty barren right now.
• The local inn, "The Stick in the Mud", is run by Henny "Momma" Juggledew and her adoptive son Sidd "Sonny" Juggledew. The party rented some space in the inn for a while and got a basic rundown of the area from Momma.
• There are six main tribes: Keyherders, Gill-Livers, Du'Radi, feuding tribes of Cobralek and Monghoul, and the Banished made up of rejects from the others.
• Anyone who isn't affiliated with one of those tribes is generally considered a "colonist", which is not generally regarded as a positive label around these parts.
• The preferred way to travel longer distances is on the back of a large toad-like creature called a "toadbeast".
• The herbalist shop was also run by Momma. They didn't have any dragonbark here, but Momma gave directions to an invasive tree that's been causing problems in the area.
• The party bought a couple of toadbeasts and rode them out into the swamp to find this tree.
• The tree had a large catfish-looking creature sleeping around it, so the party initially tried to scrape off pieces of its bark stealthily to avoid waking it up, but this plan fell apart when falling debris from a failed attempt sizzled in the mud, and combat ensued.
• The rest of the party distracted the creature while Grogery and Dwardazik kept the focus on trying to get what they came for, but the tree itself joined the battle.
• The enemies very nearly killed Grogery, and they even knocked Dwardazik unconscious once, but ultimately Dazki slayed the catfish-like creature with a precise shot from his bow, and Kesmet took out the tree with his supercharged Finger Guns™ attack... toppling it onto Dwardazik and Grogery.
• Marvin used his purple hand to rescue the two and a Mass Healing Word to stabilize them, while Barry tended to the toadbeasts.

Full Recap

Dwardazik pulls out his weapon and shield, staying alert.

Dazki: Why are you being so paranoid, Dwardazik? These are just workers getting the logs to the lumber mill!   Dwardazik, without turning to face him: You wouldn't understand.   Dazki: What don't I understand, then? Explain it. Why are people doing their jobs a threat to you?   Dwardazik: What? Really?! Right now?!   Dazki: Well, you have your weapon out like there's some imminent danger!   Dwardazik: And you don't think there is? No danger out there?   Dazki: I think if there was a significant amount of danger, there wouldn't be people just shoveling logs towards the lumber mill that calmly.   Marvin: If I could? While I think Dwardazik's being a little anxious, we did get attacked by a shapeshifter.   Dazki: Yeah, I understand; by all means, keep our weapons at our sides and our hands at the ready, but it doesn't need to be drawn. That's all I'm saying. We don't need to look aggressive.   Marvin: Yeah, let's try to avoid getting a bunch of weird looks from the locals. Not that that's really going to be possible, considering we don't exactly look like the rest of the people around here...   Dwardazik: Hmmph. Suit yourself. (He holsters his weapon.)   Grogery: Dwardazik, it's fine to be vigilant about everything, but you don't want to tip people off that you're onto them, you know?   Dwardazik: I didn't realize everybody had enough time to comment on how I'm standing!   Grogery: Sorry! Just, everybody started talking about it...   Marvin: We're just worried about you, man!   Kesmet: Plus, you were standing there menacingly. There's a difference.   Dwardazik: Perhaps you should be on lookout, then?   Kesmet: Me? Oh hell no, I never see anything!   Marvin: I think it's fair to say that we're all on edge.   Grogery: OK, let me see if we've got everything in a row. We've got about a day before we need to go meet up with Grimes's contact. We're basically looking for "dragonbark"?   Dazki: Yep, that's about where I have it at the moment.   Grogery: Well, if this is an area where drug trade is happening, then there might be a local thieves' guild equivalent? That might be a good start.   Marvin: You think we could just buy some?   Grogery: It might actually be that simple.   Dazki: First place to go would be either a market or a tavern.   Grogery: Either way, that light seems to be where everything is.   Dazki: Yep.   Marvin: Yeah, let's head towards that lighthouse. I might have a few ideas to make sure we find the local dealers...

Dwardazik searches around (Perception 17) for the influence of Turmoil, and Grogery tries to gauge (Insight 16) the locals' first impressions of the party.

Dwardazik: Hey, look at those nearby businesses... kinda strange for places this close to the river to be out-of-business, isn't it?   Grogery: They might just be closed for the day? It is really hot right now.   Kesmet: It's not the heat, it's the humidity.   Marvin: OK, let's be real... I'm no expert on shipping lanes, but... is there much trade out this way?   Grogery: Seems like a small town environment. People are only going to have their stores open if there's someone around in town to buy from them. If everybody is too busy trying not to have heat stroke. It does seem weird, but it's not...   Dwardazik: I dunno...   Dazki: Not alarming.   Dwardazik: Well, I'm gonna stay alarmed.   Marvin: It was pretty crazy in the last small town we were at. Let's hope it's not a repeat.

Dazki ducks out of sight behind a building to change his Glamoured Studded Leather, to blend in better with the locals.

Grogery: Maybe we can find that market or tavern that we've been looking for.   Dazki: Yep, that should be our first place.   Dwardazik: Well, we should be fine... probably don't have to worry about a route out of here...

Marvin: ...interesting... I wonder if that's them raiding someone else, or if it's someone raiding them?   Dazki: I would assume the latter.   Dwardazik: I don't think I've ever seen a counter like that before. That's an awfully pessimistic message...   Dazki: Could be optimistic. We don't know how often they get raided here.   Dwardazik: Either way, raiding is bad. So the fact that it exists is kinda... I dunno! Kinda demoralizing, is all.   Grogery: Raiding is part of the culture here, somehow.

They walk in, Dwardazik holding his shield out.

Momma's Got Some Company

Dazki clears his throat and loudly asks if there's anyone around, while Dwardazik keeps a mental picture of the passed-out older man. The voice of an old gnomish lady replies, as she scrambles around to climb onto a stool to be able to look over her own counter.

Momma: Oh! Oh, yes-yes-yes! What can I do for y'all today?   Dazki: Hi, good afternoon!   Momma: Oh, is it afternoon already? BOY, does the time fly!   Dazki: It's a bit foggy, and I can't see the sun, so I'm honestly not sure, myself!   Dazki: We are travelers passing through, looking for lodging. Would this be a place where we could get some beds for tonight?   Dwardazik: Oh, and don't forget ale!   Momma: Oh, yeah, this is pretty much the only place to get either of those things.   Dwardazik: Good choice, Dazki.   Momma: Well, I'm sure every other building here has ale, but... you'd have to practically fight a tiger to get it off of anyone!   Marvin: So, what you're saying is, this place has the best ale?   Momma: No, I'm saying this place has some ale. That I'm willing to part with. For a fee.   Dazki: Anyway. I'm Dazki. These are my friends.   Dwardazik: The name's Dwardazik Stoneturner Boulderhearth. Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Whom am I speaking to?   Momma, holding out her hand: My name is Henny Juggledew, but most people around here just call me Momma.   Grogery: My name is Grogery.   Marvin: Marvin Undersky. Pleasure to meet you.   Momma: I can't quite reach you from up here, but it's a pleasure to see fresh faces! Are you guys all in here for work?   Dazki: No, we're traveling for business. Not really working for the mill.   Momma, giggling: Well, of course you're not working for the mill, it's the dry season. They're finishing up their mill work.   Dwardazik, tapping his trader's badge: I was actually kind of curious about the conditions of the town? Wanted to see if there was anything really important that you guys were lacking?   Momma: Well, a lot of people kind-of leave the town once the majority of the milling from the wet season is done. They go up and do the logging, or — heh — who knows what else! Yeah, the town gets pretty quiet here. Not me, I ain't leavin'!   Dwardazik: I understand it. Just saying, if you need something, let me know what that product is.   Dazki: I'm a bit surprised that you would say this town is quiet? I saw that sign outside...   Marvin: Yeah, last raid was 5 days ago?   Momma: Oh, yeah. You know, those hooligans are always comin' and tryin' to take things, breakin' things.   Marvin + Dazki: Hooligans?   Momma: You know, the murderers, the assassins, the robbers, what do you guys call them?   Marvin: That sounds like "criminals".   Dwardazik: Uh, yeah.   Momma: I mean, with fewer people around, there's a lot of extra stuff they like to try to take, but not Momma!   Marvin: So, this is quite regular, and the town regularly fends them off? Successfully, it sounds?   Momma: Ehh, sometimes. It's just kind-of a part of life, you know? Nothin' here you can expect to last for very long.   Dazki: Fair enough.   Momma: You just kinda learn to roll with it. Count the number of days things stay good.   Dwardazik: An interesting philosophy.   Grogery: Is it the same regular group of people? Has anyone ever looked into trying to get them to stop?   Momma: Well, I mean, we've stopped 'em a bunch of times, and sometimes they get away with it. It's just kinda, whoever's in the area at the time, and what they feel like doin' about it.   Dwardazik: You guys don't have some kind of organized guard? Isn't this town big enough for something like that?   Momma: Nah, not this time of year. There's hardly even anything left to guard, here! Most people have kind-of packed up and jumped ship, until the next season.   Marvin: Why wouldn't the criminals have moved on, then? If there's so little to be had?   Grogery: Fewer people guarding it = easier to steal.   Momma: Well, I mean, it's more of a colonist sort of village. Some of the people here think that it stands here as a mockery, but you know, this is where the city is, and this is where the city's gotta stay. At least for now.   Dwardazik: Are there any kind of, you know, cultural traditions here that we should be aware of?   Momma: Oh, gosh, yes!   Dwardazik: Mind helping us, uh, speak the lingo?   Momma: "Speak the lingo"? You just gotta learn who to mess with and who not to mess with.   Dazki: Well, then, who are the players?   Momma: Wow. You guys are really unprepared to be in the swamp.   Dazki: A bit, yeah. A bit.   Momma: That's OK! That's OK. Momma hasn't had too much to talk to.   Dwardazik: Maybe we could sit down, have some drinks, and keep chattin'?   Momma: Yeah, sure! What can I get ya?   Dwardazik: Got anything like, uh, Thunder Ale?   Momma: We have... ale?   Marvin: I'll take an ale!   Dwardazik: Do you have Güterbraun? Golddust?   Momma: What are you hittin' at, son? We ain't no brothel!   Marvin: Well, that's a shame.   Dwardazik: Uhh... I'll take your ale.   Momma, yelling off to the side: Sonny, get in here! We need ales!

Dwardazik takes a couple of steps back. Dwardazik and Marvin drink some. It's ale.

Dwardazik: Hmm. It's pretty good.   Momma: So. I assume, then... travelers, right? You would be considered "colonists", then. (She quickly waves her hand, dismissively, as if she knows what's coming next) I know you didn't "colonize"... please, none of us actually "colonize". Who does that anymore?   Dwardazik: That's not what I would call us? I'm a traveling trader.   Momma: ...right... right, right. So, you know all of the ancestral altars in this strange, wild land?   Grogery: ...nope?   Momma, quickly: "Colonist". All right!   Dwardazik: I see. That's good to know.   Marvin: "Outsider" would suffice. I think that sounds perfectly appropriate.   Dwardazik: "Colonist" is probably more personal to them.   Momma: You wanted to know the lingo, sonny!   Sonny: Who?   Momma: Not you, Sonny.   Sonny: OK.   Dwardazik: So. There gonna be any issues with us bein' "colonists" here?   Momma: Oh, gosh, yes!   Dwardazik: You mind, uh... lettin' us know?   Momma: This here land, though some people think it's somewhat tamed, is still horribly, horribly wild. A lot of people that live here kinda... embrace that. You have these little towns here which kind-of act as points of safety — you know, olly olly oxen free — but between them, why, it's unclear who owns that. But it certainly ain't us.   Marvin: So, expect trouble?   Momma: All these sects and tribes, they all want the same thing, but they go about it in different ways, and they have different words for interpreting the same scenarios. So just, you know, just be careful with all that, I guess!   Dazki: What is this "thing" that all the tribes want?   Momma: Well, all the ones on this side anyways, wish that it wasn't called "this side", for starters. Heh! They want their lands back, their ancestral places. Not only do they want them back — heh — they want them, ... uh, "undisturbed" is not necessarily the correct term, but...   Grogery: "Untampered-with"?   Momma: Since That Wall™ went up, it's caused a lot of tension and rifts, there was that whole "war" situation, and many of the tribes here believe that a war isn't lost if people are still willing to fight for it.   Dazki: Got it. So, the south will rise again.   Dwardazik: Aren't we in the east now?   Grogery: We're talking about the Invictus Una, right? It looks like a lot of it was just plunked down wherever it was convenient. If that happened to divide up the lands of the people who are already living there — then, well, they just kinda had to live with it.   Dwardazik: Huh.   Momma: Not to mention that the climate here is vastly changed. It didn't used to be nearly this swampy. A lot of the venting and cooling systems from The Wall™ happened to empty on this end, though.   Dwardazik: Huh? "Venting and cooling systems" of The Wall™?   Dazki: It's a mixture of magic and mechanics. They have to have some sort of heat release.   Dwardazik: Hmm, I didn't know about that section of it...   Momma: The Wall™ does end at this side of the swamp. And I can tell you who will (or will not) enjoy your company, but I assure you that they'll all be suspicious.   Dwardazik: Any suggestions so that we make as few enemies as possible?   Momma: Heh. Sure, sure, personal preferences at least. There are six major tribes in this area, and I don't think you'll learn them all, but some of them are more aggressive than others.   Dwardazik: This entire town must seem like it's a giant gang war!   Momma: Oh, none of this happens in the town! Olly olly oxen free, and all that! This is colonist land — "Tribe Seven", I guess, of the six.   Grogery: So, it's colonist land. And, being colonists with an established town, it largely stays put and just puts up with whatever raiding happens on it.   Momma: We'll occasionally get non-aggressive tribesfolk here for tradin', things like that. But, the Keyherders are OK, as long as other people don't have a problem with you, for example.   Dwardazik: Is "Other People™" a codename of another organization or somethin'?   Momma: Ugh. I mean, I can easily give you all this information, but... it's gonna be a lot of work...   Marvin slips her three gold pieces.   Dazki: I suppose it's a good thing we're looking to buy a lot of ale!   Momma: ...how long are you planning on staying?   Dazki: That is unclear. Depends on how long our business is going to take us.   Dwardazik: I would say, as long as we keep coming back.   Momma: I'm just curious. Three gold's kind-of a lot.   Dwardazik: We would prefer if you just keep the room open for the next month or so.   Momma: That's really not that hard to do.   Dwardazik: Keep an establishment open for us for the next month, at the very least.   Momma: Well, like I said before, you have six — oh, sonny, you'd better take notes. This is like a, "write the wrong symbol and you get beheaded" sort of situation. But Momma knows.   Dazki takes out his notebook.   Momma: I'll run you down the basics:

• You've got the Keyherders. They're... fine, almost paladin-like. They like to fight on others' behalf, often without permission. You know the type. (Dazki: Oh yeah. He glances at Dwardazik.)
• You've got the Gill-Livers. We don't see much of those around here, they're more amphibious. I don't actually know too much about them, but they don't like when things become stagnant. You'll see that's a common theme. A little ironic for a swamp, but whatever.
• You have the Du'Radi. Terribly mutated creatures, but I've never found one I haven't liked, you know? They've all been fine, though. I guess, don't judge a book by its cover, but they're very religious. Very terrifying... until you get to know 'em.

Dwardazik: And these people just wander this city and the surrounding areas?   Momma: Well, I don't really track their movements. I'm sure they all have territories and disputes and stuff like that. There's two tribes at each other's throats right now, though, and I suggest you not deal with either. You don't want to get mixed up in that:

• Both of 'em are kind of aggressive, but the worst of the lot are the Cobralek. Still aggressively fighting this war against the colonists trying to decide what their fate should be, or something. Almost cultlike. They're not allowed here.

Dwardazik: Could these be things from The Serpent War? Couldn't still be going on, could it?   Momma: Oh, heck, yeah!   Dazki: They still feel like it is. OK, the "Cobralek", got it.   Momma: And, despite having very similar viewpoints:

• The other tribe, the Monghoul, they're more, like, sneaky about it. Where a Cobralek will stab you in the front — while saying how terrible of a person you are — a Monghoul is more likely to be silent and stab you in the back. Momma prefers not to be stabbed anywhere, so neither one of 'em is allowed in the town.

Dazki: Makes sense. ...I would assume that some of the Monghouls probably wind up in town, one way or the other, since you claim that they are so sneaky?   Momma: I mean, I suppose? But Momma doesn't know about it.   Dazki: Fair enough.   Momma: And then, you have the more recent one — at least, I assume it's the most recent, because it's the only one written in Common:

• The Banished. They're just kind-of a collection of all the people that have been knocked out of the other tribes.

Marvin: What does one have to do to get kicked out of one of these other tribes? Are we talkin', the worst-of-the-worst?   Momma: I do know that the Banished are trying to combine the tribes back into one super-tribe. And, I assume it would be under their guidance, right?   Dazki: It would make sense. You wouldn't want to make yourself subservient to someone else.   Momma: They have a real interesting political system that I don't quite understand, but I mean, you take what you can get with those. One guy could be real mean, the other dude's super-nice. A super-nice guy's gonna get kicked out of the aggressive tribe, and the really mean guy's gonna get kicked out of the really nice tribe. So it all just kinda balances out, there. Whoever's the leader that day kinda determines how aggressive the tribe is.   Momma (cont'd): But all of 'em, kinda... not the biggest fan of the colonists. Which, I guess, is what we're called. They think we enact these large scars upon their world, and scars don't heal the same way other that things do.   Dwardazik: Is there any truth to that?   Momma: I dunno, I'm pretty sure the earth is just the earth, and not a person. But don't go sayin' that to any of the other tribes. They believe this plane a living being, and — though we don't understand what it wants — you could either be a parasite or symbiotic with it, or something? I dunno, I try to stay out of it for the most part, unless it comes in here.   Dwardazik: Zealots. Understood.   Marvin: Honestly, I feel kinda sad for these people.   Momma: The next time you feel sad about it, just remember we were raided. Five days ago.   Marvin: OK, that's fair, yep.   Grogery: Which one ended up raiding you guys, by the way?   Momma: I really don't know.   Kesmet: Maybe it's the more in-your-face ones?   Momma: Nah, just some goblins.   Marvin: Generally speaking, are these tribes all of a similar demographic, or do they sorta segregate themselves to one tribe or another?   Momma: Dang, Momma doesn't know!   Marvin: That's fair!   Momma: I know the Du'Radi tend to be more, kinda, I dunno, mutated? Just weird, disgusting? And Gill-Livers are, like, aquatic. But, these tribes are kinda put together not based on family, but they're kinda lost over here, being torn from a larger tribe. So, just kinda... whatever stuck, that's what it is.   Dwardazik: So which groups did The Wall™ split?   Momma: I mean... I really don't know, but that's the six around here now.   Marvin: Sounds like one giant race war...   Dazki: I'm not sure that it's necessarily all to do with race. Probably a lot of it is geographic politics and things like that as well.   Momma: Yeah, I just don't get it! They all believe the same basic things, but they get hung up on the intricacies, and it causes a lot of problems. Not to mention, all of 'em — for the most part — believe we're the bad guys, here! And Momma didn't start no war! Momma's done a lot of crazy shit, but Momma ain't startin' a war!   Dazki: No, of course not, but you are benefiting from a previous war in a way that they are not. So, if nothing else, it's a desire to have what others have.   Momma: Well, you take Momma's stuff, Momma's gonna slap back.   Grogery: Yeah, their situation is unfortunate, but that doesn't give them a license to solve their problem with violence. See: "raided five days ago". And that brings a responsibility upon those who are benefiting from what happened here to try to provide aid to the people who are worse off.   Marvin: Of course. Is there anyone who leads the defense when these raids happen? Is there a de facto captain, if you will?   Momma: It's more just kind-of like a haphazard militia, really. I mean, their attacks are just as haphazard. It works out.   Marvin: So, no one person in charge.   Dwardazik: Look, the only thing that really concerns me is that I'm not gonna get stabbed in the back. So, you don't think there's gonna be no backstabbing going on around here?   Momma: Oh, I don't know, people get stabbed all the time! That's just livin'. Livin' is just progressively not dyin'. So just be careful about that.   Marvin: Well, I certainly hope it's not you who's gonna be stabbin' us in the back?   Momma: Make sure your back doesn't say no shit about Momma and you'll be fine!   Marvin: You make a very good point, and I will make sure my back says no shit about Momma!   Momma: 'cause Momma's stabbed several bitches, and she's not worried to stab again if she's gotta.   Dwardazik: Look, we appreciate your establishment, and the ale's still pretty good —   Dwardazik: ...it's not very good...   Marvin: And we also appreciate your establishment! Haha!   Dazki: ... ...so, if we needed to get supplies, equipment, stuff like that, to venture out into the swamp, where would we go? Is there someone we could talk to? General stores, things like that?   Momma: Yeah! Yeah, there's still some stores around. This town ain't dead yet! More just sleepin'.   Dazki: Any ones you'd recommend, or recommend staying away from? Good reputation, bad reputation?   Momma, with a huge smile on her face: Oh, they're all fantastic, dear. Every last one of them!   Momma (cont'd): But... you came here on a boat, yes?   Dazki: Yeah.   Momma: And you plan on traversing the swamp... on foot?   Marvin: Do you recommend a... raft?   Momma: That's a great way to get stuck in the middle of the swamp. This time of year, the water's very erratic.   Marvin: So, what do you recommend? I don't suppose any general stores have boots that let us walk on water, do they?   Grogery: There might be a service that provides transport? We can't be the only people who come through.   Dwardazik: You mean, what, like stilts?   Dazki: I figure, something like a canoe, or a small boat of some kind.   Momma: Sure, you could probably manage to maneuver some of that around the trees.   Dazki: What would you recommend?   Momma: How good are you at ridin' beasts?   Dazki: Not great.   Marvin: I love a good ol' beast!   Momma: We've got plenty of toadbeasts still.   Marvin: Ooh, those sound cute.   Dazki: Are those the things that people were riding, ushering the last few logs into the mill?   Momma: Indeed they are. Just... goin' down there in a canoe, or on foot, is a great way to feed the local wildlife.   Dazki: Fair enough.   Momma: ...The beast isn't much of a picnic, either, but I'm sure that you lot can handle it! Just keep the smaller ones away from the mouth. (She breaks into a whisper.) Especially the goblin. They love those.   Grogery laughs nervously.   Dwardazik: Will there be a short training session on how to ride 'em?   Momma: Oh, gosh, no! Nobody's got time for that!   Grogery: Man. Makes me wish we hadn't traded away that one bridle...   Dwardazik: I've got a couple of silver that says someone could make time! (He holds out a couple of silver coins.) Just for showin' us how to mount the frog and move around?   Momma: Well, it's not technically a frog... god, can you imagine trying to ride a frog? Momma gets motion sick.   Dazki: I imagine, Dwardazik, that the best chance we have would be the person we find who could sell or rent us these beasts.   Marvin: Yeah, that sounds right.   Momma, barely holding back a laugh: Or you could go on canoe!   Marvin: No, I like the sound of these toads!   Dazki: It sounds like the toads are a better idea if we don't want to be eaten by the local wildlife.   Dwardazik: Ugh, I'd rather not put complete trust into a creature that I've never even worked with before.   Grogery: Better than to trust the creatures that you can't even see around you!   Dwardazik: But yes, it's probably a better choice than getting a canoe stuck.   Marvin: Dwardazik, I'm sure you'll fall in love with this toad.   Momma: The swamp is unbelievably wild. It's hard to imagine that places more chaotic than this swamp exist. But, they do! That's the point of The Wall™, so...   Dwardazik: Well, what do you know about The Wall™?   Momma: A lot of people like to blame the heat and humidity on The Wall™.   Dwardazik: You think there's any truth to that?   Momma: Well, I mean, this area did used to be a lot drier, but I feel like this whole country's just baking in the sun anyway. It's just a good scapegoat, you know? "Ahh, my life sucks. It must be The Wall™!"   Dwardazik: Yeah, I kinda feel the same way. Blame stuff on exterior factors.   Grogery: Blame something on the problem that's too big for you to take any individual action about it, and now you don't have to take any individual action!   Marvin: That's the spirit! So, who could we ask about the toads?   Dwardazik: You said you had someone? By name?   Momma: Oh yeah, Sonny's pretty good with the toads. Sonny could show ya how to do it.   Marvin: Sonny? The guy who brought in the ale?   Momma: Yes. Yeah, Sonny.   Marvin: Oh, he looked like a fine, friendly fellow!   Momma: To be frank, I don't know who Sonny is.   Marvin: Ha-ha-ha!   Momma: No, really. I have no idea.   Marvin: That's fine if you don't know who his parents are... he might not be willing to share that info.   Momma: He got dropped off with me, saying he's my grandson or some junk, and — I don't think that's true, but I ain't gonna leave him to rot out in the swamp, now, am I?   Marvin: Looks like you've raised a fine young man.   Momma: Frankly, I've been with a lot of half-orcs, but I don't even know if Sonny's... even, like, half orc! I don't know what the half even is!   Marvin: Huh. (He whispers over to Dwardazik.) Hey, Momma's fuckin' crazy...   Dwardazik, whispering back: Come on, man! Let's not insult the one person who might be on our side in this city!   Marvin, still whispering: You know that I like a good crazy!   Dwardazik, still whispering: I dunno... maybe in your society...   Momma: But yeah! Do what you like, don't raid anything, and make sure you come back where when the sun goes down. The mosquitoes get really bad at sunset. Well, if you're done chatting, I do have some work to do still, so...   Dazki: I actually do have one more question, if you don't mind? Have you heard of some nutcase around the area calling themselves "The Metronome Man"? Taking some character from gnomish folklore and trying to claim that they are this person?   Momma: Somebody's claiming, to you? You better be mighty careful. Lotta people around these parts are superstitious. If you think you've talked to that man, you'd probably best keep it to yourself. Me, personally, no. Because it's just an urban myth.   Dwardazik: Why would that be such a bad thing to discuss, though? Maybe the tribes treat this myth as something negative?   Momma: It's not a tribal thing. It's part of gnomish lore. To trade your fate for a chance at fortune, dealing with dark entities, making dark deals. Would be awfully unlucky.

Dazki: All right, well, thank you very much for your time.   Momma: Oh, you're very welcome. You know, you're quite tall.   Dazki: I've been told that, yes.   Momma: You know what they say about a tall elf...   Dwardazik, elbowing Dazki: There ya go, lad! (He walks out.)   Dazki: What do they say about "tall elves", in these parts?   Momma: They have long pants.   Dazki: Eh...-heh-...uh-huh...   Momma: But also, I am free this evening.   Dazki: I'm engaged.   Momma: Well, you're very engaging!   Dazki: No-no, I have a fiancée.   Momma: Oh, I'm sure Momma's got tons of husbands! It'll be fine.   Dazki: Thank you, but no.   Momma: "Thank you, but no" sounds like a "maybe"! I'll jot it down in my book.   ...   ...   Marvin: Thank you for your time, Momma!   Momma: Oh, yeah! (She puts on another huge smile.) I hope to see you very soon!   Dwardazik: Keep those rooms open for a month!

The party leaves the Stick in the Mud.

Momma, At Her Ballest (get it? "her ballest", like "herbalist"?)

Dwardazik: So, now that we have our accommodations in order, where do you say we head to first?   Dazki: I imagine a market area might be the place to go to look for the information we need?   Dwardazik: Think we should try to just buy the information?   Dazki: Well, we don't know whom to buy the information from. A place where trading is happening would be the place to start looking for that.   Dwardazik: All right, do we need something that we're trying to peddle?   Dazki: No, we have money.

Dwardazik: What are you thinkin'?   Dazki: Well, if we're looking for the items that were previously mentioned, an herbalist would be a good place to start looking.   Dwardazik: That does sound like the best approach. Let's hope that we don't blow our cover, though. We don't want to seem like anything more than we already aren't. Just sayin'. I have a feeling that rumors spread quickly around here. Might have a day or two, at best, to get accurate information.

Dazki: So, Barry, you used to be a ranger? Or, you are a ranger, I should say?   Barry: I'm a cleric!   Dazki: But you have a history of wilderness survival. Would you possibly be able to identify any of these herbs or plants or anything for us?   Barry: Sure. Which one?   Dazki: Is there anything that you would recognize as dragonbark?   Barry: I don't think dragons bark.   Dazki: No, I assume it's a type of tree bark. Called "dragonbark".   Barry: Ohhhhh. ...dragons aren't made out of wood!   Dazki: No.   Dwardazik: He's sayin' that the tree is called... "dragon's bark"?... and the bark from it is called "dragonbark"!   Barry: That one over there's called watercress. Hogweed.   Dazki: Well, if you see anything in here that says "dragonbark" to you, let me know, eh?   Barry: OK, but I don't know what that is.   Dazki: All right. Fair.   Marvin: Long story short, it's a hallucinogenic that comes off the bark of a certain tree in this area.   Dwardazik: And don't use it!   Marvin: Or, at least, give some of it to us first!   Dwardazik: What? No!   Marvin: Eh, it might be good for him!   Dwardazik: We're not gonna condone the use of these kinds of drugs —   Marvin: Oh, I don't condone it, I'm just sayin' I can't stop him!   Dwardazik: The only thing you need is ale!   Dazki, sarcastically: Yeah, because that doesn't affect your judgment at all...   Dwardazik: I know! It doesn't! It's amazing!   Marvin: You know, for him, I think it actually might be true, Dazki.

Dazki rolls his eyes, walks up to the counter, and rings the bell.

Momma, still with her huge smile: What can I get you today? Oh hey, it's you guys again!   Dazki: You got over here quick.   Momma: Aww, Momma's got magic. You know that.   Dazki: I also heard something else back there? Not quite magic?   Momma: No, that's... that's gotta be the magic!   Dazki: All right. Well, hey, we are looking to purchase some things to help us pass a little time this evening. Anything that might be able to help with that? Something that's, you know, not ale?   Momma: Well, I mean, Momma might be quite old, but she's still got a lot of vigor!   Dazki: No-no, not that, something —   Momma: You know, there's not a brothel currently in town right now, but Momma was quite the looker back in the day!   Dazki: No, something that we might be able to imbibe.   Momma: Well, what ails you? Recreationally, of course.   Dazki: Yeah. So, I've heard there's something that's found on a... some kind of tree bark in this area that's particularly... recreational.   Momma: Recreational bark? Just... it's just you and us in here. You can just say the words. You think Momma doesn't know? Momma's done all sorts o' weird shit back in the day! If you're lookin' for weird shit, just say it, and then we can figure out if it's here or not! Momma's not gonna tell no one!   Kesmet: I like how straightforward Momma is.   Dazki: All right, we're looking to score some dragonbark.   Momma: I ain't got it.   Marvin: Damn.   Dazki: Do you know where we could acquire some?   Momma: Frankly, that stuff just causes more trouble than it's worth, so we've stopped stocking it. People really liked raiding for it, you know?   Kesmet: Well, mommafucker.   Momma, with a quick wink: Not yet, anyway! ...but, I mean, I know you're not much of survivalists, but... ... ...   Dazki: "...but..."?   Momma: ...you could go to the source of the issue?   Dazki: And where would that be?   Momma: The dragonbark tree is such a pest. It's so invasive. There's one we've been meaning to... get rid of. Its root system really kills all the other trees in the area. And that's not great for a logging town.   Dwardazik: Something tells me it ain't that simple.   Marvin: Let me guess, there's a giant beastie right around the area of this dragonbark tree?   Grogery: It sounds like maybe the dragonbark tree is the "beastie"?   Marvin: Oh boy.   Momma: It attracts all sorts of beasties!   Grogery: Uh-huh...   Marvin: Yup. Yup. There it is.   Momma: Besides, the tree's very acidic. You pull a wrong move on that thing, you're lookin' to get burned! So, I'm going to go with, "both very dangerous"!   Dwardazik: So, how are we supposed to take care of it?   Momma: I mean... kill the tree, if you want?   Dwardazik: That's what you're askin' for, right?   Momma: I ain't askin' for it! You were wonderin' where one was, and I know that there's one we're gonna get rid of once the dry season's in full swing and the water's gone down! You don't chop down a tree standin' in water!   Dwardazik: What do you do?   Momma: You wait for the land to dry. But if that's what you want, if you want to go out there...   Dazki: Well, if you could give us the description and directions to it, that would be helpful?   Momma: Sure, if you want to go a-slayin'!   Dwardazik: Is there a reward for doing such a task?   Grogery: ...we get... a bunch of dragonbark...   Momma, looking cross: Excuse me. I was just gonna hire men to do it later anyway. If you wanted to go do it of your own volition now, and reap whatever rewards that we're not going to just burn here, Momma's not gonna take notice of that, all right? Listen, Momma knows. So what, you got a drug problem! It's fiiiine. You know, you elves live a long time. You've got plenty of time to get addicted, ruin your life, go to rehab, start over, get a new fiancée (after the other one leaves you because of your drug problem).   Marvin: Man, she's just got it all figured out.   Grogery: Momma knows!   Dazki: Well, you know, these things take centuries to happen. We elves move much more slowly.   Momma: Oh, Momma ain't got centuries.   Dazki: So I should probably get started on acquiring that drug problem first.   Momma: Live it up, my man! Live it up! Now, mappin' out the areas is not the easiest — everything kinda moves, here in the swamp — but the area's already been marked for demolition once the water level goes down, so if you just follow the appropriate symbol, you should be able to get there. (She draws it.)   Dazki: Are there any other symbols that get carved out in the woods that we should know about?   Momma: Oh, gosh, yes!   Dazki: What are they?   Momma: The larger cypress trees end up being these sort-of markers / notice boards. People are constantly scratching various symbologies into them to say "we've been here", "don't touch my tree", "it's OK to touch my tree now", "go this way", "don't go that way", there's certain trees that just get completely marked up, almost as if they're runic. It's quite silly. Most of the symbols don't make any sense, but maybe it makes sense to those who are lookin' at 'em. I dunno.   Dwardazik: Strange, but OK.   Momma, getting defensive: When everything around you changes, the few things that stay put are the things you use to mark where you're goin'! That's just how it is. The tree isn't gonna just get up and walk away, most of the time.   Dazki: "Most of the time"?!   Momma: Momma knows! Don't trust anything in the swamp.   Dwardazik: Except Momma...   Momma: We're talkin' about tribes that live amongst Turmoil, still being relatively comfortable here in the swamp.   Dazki: I suppose that makes sense.   Momma: Well, I don't have the illegal drugs you're lookin' for, so... I guess, deal's done?   Dazki: Yep. Thank you.   Momma: All right! I'll see you later, honey.

Dwardazik: Well, I guess it's not gonna be that simple.   Dazki: When is it ever?   Dwardazik: I wonder if there's gonna be any particular routes of people traveling to / from that tree and here? I mean, where else would they be getting dragonbark, right?   Dazki: Yeah, she said there's markings to it. There's probably people running fairly regularly back and forth. I imagine we'll see a fair bit of bark scraped off it once we get there.   Dwardazik: Hmm. Then how should we proceed? Try to go straight to the source right now, or try to figure out the network to see if we can't figure out how they might be moving through The Wall™?   Dazki: Oh, no, no. I would imagine, to figure out how people are moving through The Wall™, we would have to wander and find a tribe that would be willing to talk to us first, and everything like that, and the dragonbark and sharp sugar are a way we have to communicate with people who have that information. The dragonbark is our way to do that.   Dwardazik: Oh.   Grogery: Plus, we're largely here for "The Metronome Man", who was interacting with people from The Hounds Guild. Seems pretty straightforward if we go to the Hounds Guild directly.   Dwardazik: Sounds like that's our tasks. No way we can mess this up...   Dazki: Oh, come on, Dwardazik. There's always a way we can mess something up!

Dwardazik looks at each party member in turn, and then walks on. The party heads towards the stables, where they see a few toadbeasts hanging around.

Getting Your Vehicle Toad

Dazki: So what are we thinking, then? Two of 'em?   Dwardazik: Yeah, that sounds about right.   Grogery: Three each.

The party enters. Sonny drops what he's doing and points at them.

Sonny, cheerfully: It's you guys!   Dazki: It is! It's us!   Dwardazik: Could you show us to the two best toads? Remember, Momma mentioned that you could help us find ones good for traveling the swamp.   Sonny: Toads friends, you buy toads?   Dazki: We buy toads.   Sonny, clapping his hands excitedly: OK, you come! I show you how to do toads!   Dazki: Thank you.

Sonny: Food go there. (He points to the front end, with all the teeth.) People don't go there.   Dazki: Got it! Food in the front. No people by the mouth. Got it.   Sonny: Approach from side.   Dwardazik: OK.   Sonny: Steer with these reins.   Dwardazik: I was kinda wonderin' about that. What kind of saddles are those? I've never seen something like that before.   Sonny: You pull, it go left. He pulls the right side of the reins, and it turns its head slightly to the right. It not protect you. It protect itself. You fight, it stay.   Dwardazik: OK. How much do they need to eat?   Sonny: All done!

Sonny quickly wanders off. Dazki calls after him.

Dazki: Sonny, wait! We have more questions!   Sonny: Oh, it's you! Hello!   Dazki: It's us! Hello!   Sonny runs back over, squishing through the mud.   Sonny: You want toads?   Dazki: We have questions about toads.   Sonny: Food go in there. (He points to the front end, with all the teeth.)   Dazki: How much food?   Sonny, after a pause: ...some.   Dwardazik: Could you show us?

Sonny: Food in there! Obvious.   Dazki: You're right. Now that you show us, it is obvious. Thank you.   Sonny, suddenly getting frantic: NO PEOPLE in there! Approach from side!   Dwardazik: I understand that. Approach from the side. Now, I think we wanted two of them, with the large saddles. Could we get those?   Sonny: Which ones? Go get your favorite!

The party discusses how to find "the best ones"... except for Barry, who has already wandered off towards one of them. Sonny has also wandered off, to get the full set of riding equipment.   (Animal Handling 22) Marvin identifies what he thinks is going to be the best one and casts Animal Friendship to charm it. He puts his hand on the side of the beast. The toad barely acknowledges his presence.

Dazki: Is that one we should go with, Marvin?   Marvin: I believe so. He is a mighty beast. ...if it is a "he"? Do they even have genders? I don't know how these toads work!   Grogery: I'm going to keep an eye on Barry.   Marvin: That's a good call.   Dwardazik: So, this is the first one. And for the second one?   Marvin: Do we need more than one?   Grogery + Dazki: Yeah, we need two.   Dazki: Hopefully, Barry will find the second one?   Dwardazik: He's kinda gettin' out there, isn't he... (He decides to hurriedly follow after Barry, the guy who smells like a fish)... Barry, what you lookin' for, man?   Barry: I'm the animal guy!   The toad does not instantly consume him as he grabs one of the horns to try to pull it out of the mud.   Dwardazik: Dammit, what are you trying to do?!   Barry: I picked one of the toads! Isn't that what I was supposed to do? (More strong tugging, trying to convince it to get out of the mud.)   Dwardazik: I can feel its angry energy! (He shoves politely, but firmly, pushes Barry off of the creature.) Listen, Barry, you don't know exactly what this beast's temperament might be. Why don't we go ahead and head on back, let the store owner show us this one?   Barry: I mean... all these toads are, like, the same. If these were the good toads, they'd be using 'em to pull logs.   Dazki: You make a very good point.   Dwardazik: So what are you saying? You saying that this is the best toad here?   Barry: I'm saying they're all, like, C+ at best, so it really doesn't matter which ones we pick.   Dazki: You know, that makes a lot of sense, Barry. I think you're probably very right.   Dwardazik: So why were you pulling on that guy's horn?   Barry: I'm supposed to pick a toad, and I can reach this one.   Dwardazik: ...uhhhhhhhhhh... right.   Dazki: Makes sense to me.   Dwardazik: Makes sense, but we... we'll see if we can get that one.   Dazki: I trust your decision, Barry.

Dwardazik, not trusting Barry's decision, checks its temperament. (Animal Handling 17) It doesn't seem aggressive. Maybe a little smaller than the other ones, so possibly younger: more chaotic, but more stamina.

Dwardazik: You know, I think it just might be a rowdy juvenile beardling. Hmm. (DM: You say "rowdy... it's sitting in the mud.) Did you see it blink slightly faster than the other ones?   Barry: We could just... pick this toad, though.   Dwardazik: Ugh. Whatever, Barry. It'll be fine, probably.   Barry, trying to reassure him: It didn't eat me right away!   Dazki: You can ride the other one, Dwardazik.   Dwardazik: OK.   Dazki: I'll ride this one with Barry and... probably Grogery.

Their mounts picked out, the party finds Sonny to finish the transaction. Sonny says that they're 200 gold each, but if you bring them back, then the town will buy them back for some money.

Dazki: How much money, if we bring 'em back?   Sonny: Some.   Dazki: I think 200 might be a little bit much for these guys. I mean, it's the off-season — there's no demand for them — and the good ones are already out being used. I can't imagine that these would be worth more than 150 gold each, especially considering how little demand there is for them at the moment! (Persuasion 17)   Sonny, clearly thinking really hard: Sonny can haggle. Sonny said two hundred. You said one... one hundred and fifty?   Dazki: Yes.   Sonny, with an air of confidence: I won't let them go for less than 120!   Dazki: You drive a hard bargain, Sonny. You drive a hard bargain, but (He extends his hand) we have a deal!   Sonny drops what he's holding to violently shake Dazki's hand with both of his own.   Marvin: I'll cover the cost of one of them.   Dazki: I'll cover the other.   Sonny: You bring back, get some money back!   Dazki: We bring back, we get some money back.   Sonny: Otherwise, no money.   Marvin: Gotcha.   Dazki: Yep.   Marvin, pointing to his: Sonny, does this one have a name?   Sonny: Toad.   Marvin: They don't have, like, individual names?   Sonny: Sonny... doesn't name... the toads.   Marvin: This one's now called "Barnacle".   Dazki: We can call 'im "Barney", for short.   Marvin: Sure.   Dazki: The other one, I guess he'll be "Fife". We have Barney and Fife.   Sonny: You — if, if you hurt toad, no money. If toad gets hurt by other thing, that's fine.   Dazki: Got it.   Sonny: If toad hurt you... that's fine.   Dazki: Understood.   Sonny: OK.

Sonny: If you let the head go down, you might go underwater. Don't do it. You'll get wet.   Dazki: Good to know, thank you.   Sonny: OK bye!   Dazki: Bye!

Sonny bounds away.

---

Editor's note: while we were waiting for a player who had gone AFK, we got some more miscellaneous information about the area that one of the characters would have noticed at some point.

---

Dwardazik: Right, uh, find out anything about the Hounds Guild?   Dazki: Didn't ask specifically, and I haven't seen any markings.   Dwardazik: Just want to make sure we're covering all our bases. If, for some reason, Hounds Guild ain't here, then we have to figure out how to get in contact with 'em.   Dazki: It sounded like they dealt primarily with the tribes, and we have somewhere that we're planning on going to meet them.   Dwardazik: Yeah, I guess that'll work. I'd just rather know if they also had any people here.   Dazki, quietly in case someone else is listening: I do know that they work with — or, at least, in some ways, had worked with — the Cobralek. That was Kiirni's tribe, and the Hounds Guild seemed to be hired out by either them or the Monghouls to kill her. It was either Kiirni's or Roamer's tribe that hired the assassin. Or both, in conjunction.   Dwardazik: OK, that makes sense. So, how do we figure out their territory?   Dazki: I would assume there would be some markings, but tribal territories are usually fairly contested.   Dwardazik: Oh, please tell me we aren't going to be wandering in some alleys 'til we get jumped!   Dazki: No, no, it'll be wandering between trees 'til we get jumped. 'cause they stay out of the towns, is what the gnomish woman said.   Dwardazik: If you believe her.   Dazki: I have no reason not to.   Dwardazik: Well, we'll see if things are that easy.

They mount up: Marvin, Dwardazik, and Kesmet took "Barney", and Barry, Dazki, and Grogery took "Fife".

Un-stabled Toads for an Unstable Situation

(Survival 19) Dwardazik is able to spot the markings fairly easily to guide their path, and (Animal Handling 8) Barney isn't mad at Marvin, but it doesn't really want to... go. It finds a little mud puddle, notices something, tilts its head, focuses in on it, and it plops down. It takes some time to get it to go again.

Dwardazik: Come on! Marvin!   Marvin: He's got this, don't worry!   Dwardazik: Marvin, look, I'm tellin' you where to go, but if you can't guide this beastie —   Marvin:

Dwardazik: Come on, ya dumb beastie, what are ya doin?!   Marvin: He's not dumb, OK? These beasts are new to us. Let's just give it some time. We'll get there!

Dwardazik gets paranoid and looks for any enemies in the direction that they were going, (Perception 7) not seeing anything, but who knows? It's really hard with all the fog and the murky water. But this area is absolutely swarming with bugs, so they probably shouldn't have guided the toad over here... there's also a series of hornet-like nests plastered along the trees. (Dexterity Save 22) Marvin is able to avoid them, but Dwardazik and Kesmet get stung a bit. Marvin pulls out his Pyroconverger and removes them, enough for the toad to push forward. Kesmet keeps some small flames going in his hands to try to keep off further bugs, which works to an extent.

Dwardazik: Does anyone have some of that stuff we were burning, back up in the anthills?   Marvin: I think it was more the aroma that the ants didn't like, but maybe?   Dwardazik: It might work again.   Kesmet: Let's give it a shot.

Kesmet burns some of the incense, which definitely keeps them bug-free for the rest of the trip to the tree.

Marvin: Now, I swear, if there's another goddamn dragon in the ground here...   Kesmet: I will be able to fly up and leave you guys high and dry.   Dazki: At this point, I wouldn't rule it out.

Dazki: So that's how it gets its name! The root system!   Marvin, nervously: Yeah... it just looks like a dragon claw... right?...   Dazki: Hopefully!

The party discusses tactics for retrieving the bark they need from the tree while dealing with the creature that's currently sleeping under it. Barry is just going to tend the horses keep an eye on the toads while the rest of the party deal with it. Dwardazik flies over the tree and descends, (Stealth 21) cleanly landing on top of a larger branch. He begins following it towards the trunk, (Acrobatics 12) making a bit more of a mess as he does so. Grogery follows him, (Stealth 5) snapping a branch that falls into the water beneath.

Dwardazik: Hmm, does that look like some of the stuff we need?   Grogery: Yeah, that's the bark we want.   Dwardazik: Yeah, lad, I didn't see that completely, but basically... we gotta make a shot.

Grogery casts Silence around himself and Dwardazik, then Dwardazik sheathes his weapon, takes the crowbar that Dazki lent him, and starts bashing / prying into it.

Combat Summary

• Grogery made the first real dent into the tree while the rest of the party had the creature distracted.
• As he did, acid began to spew forth from inside the tree, causing damage to Grogery and his machete.
• After, the tree sprung to life and joined the battle.
• Dwardazik followed Grogery's lead and properly pried off some of the bark, also taking some acid damage to himself (and Dazki's crowbar).
• The tree was able to grapple Grogery and throw him into Kesmet.
• The tree's own roots came out of the ground and attacked the party as well.
• The catfish had an extremely powerful lightning bolt attack which it was able to unleash on Dwardazik and Grogery, when they lined up (where Grogery was flying at the same height as Dwardazik in the tree). It stayed up in the tree after, but Dazki fired a precise shot from his bow through its neck and slayed it.
• The tree used an ultimate attack, shaking violently and releasing its highly acidic pollen into the air that hit everybody.
• This knocked Grogery unconscious, and he plummeted from the sky into the water, beginning to drown.
• Dazki was able to lift his head out of the water and administer a healing potion to stabilize him, but the tree knocked Grogery back out again with a slam attack, paired with another that nearly downed Dwardazik.
• Kesmet delivered the killing blow onto the tree with his most powerful Scorching Ray attack.

Dazki tries to extricate Grogery, (Athletics 0) but instead gets trapped in the mud. Marvin uses his purple hand to do the job of rescuing Grogery, and then he flies down towards all of them. He casts a Mass Healing Word, which raises Grogery. Grogery couldn't immediately recover Dwardazik because he had lost the dwarf in the tree, but Marvin's purple hand again (with assistance from Dazki) was able to pull him out, and Marvin brought him back up just like he did with Grogery.   Grogery quickly uses a Channel Divinity: Preserve Life to restore himself and Dwardazik.

Dwardazik, through strained breaths: I got the piece of wood! (He raises it up)