DM Diaries 4

DM Diaries 4

Welcome to DM Diaries. Here, you can find my personal thoughts and opinions on things like PC, direction of the campaign, individual sessions, and so on. DISCLAIMER: These articles will reference specific players by name, as well as events that occur in sessions or reviews. Please be aware that this is not made to offend anyone, and if it does, feel free to let me know. If these articles become a problem, I will gladly take them down.

DM Diaries - 4

Losing Players & Gaining Insecurities
It's been a little while since the last DM Diaries. I was considering writing one just hours before sitting down to do this now, though I was in higher spirits then. Since the last time a DM Diaries was written, our table has lost 4 players. That comes with both pros, and cons - it's caused a shift in roleplay, in planning. I've been able to spend more time considering each character and what they bring, but we've also lost one of the players most comfortable with roleplaying. This player was a bridge between those who are willing to roleplay without hesitation, and those who need a little more prompting.
I miss her.
Whatsmore, our party has been through a lot of shit in the last four sessions. You've infiltrated a Black Market, fought a cow, and spent more than enough time dungeon delving into a snake temple with more than what meets the eye.
You've encountered a lot of lore, which I guess is both good and bad. I'm trying to give you guys enough of the story to keep moving forward, to feel like your purpose as a party is more than just "go to Harcross and find the guy who you were meant to see to gtfo the Imperium." But maybe I gave you too much, and now it's confusing? I don't know, I guess I'm confused too.
It's hard to strike a balance between teasing the story just enough, and showing all my cards at once. I don't know if it's my fault, if I got too excited with our most recent session, or if I just didn't do enough to get the point across? Or maybe I'm totally fine and people weren't paying attention. IDK
I can't lie and say that Session 14 reviews didn't sting a little bit. I was really, really excited for this session, even way back when, when it was just the concept. I thought it was going to be so cool watching Anya and Chi gain new insight and new powers. And Gorlac's class change was meant to be an epic, cinematic moment. I guess none of this really got across to you guys, save for the players who know a bit more metagame information. Some people straight up didn't remember key things about the dungeon, while others were just confused. It's pretty disheartening to read that, and like I said before, I don't know if I could've done a better job, or if it's on the players.
Maybe I should've left it at a cliffhanger, let us end early.
Prior to getting the reviews for this session, I was feeling confident, and had been thinking to myself about how much I enjoy doing this for a group. After those reviews though, sheeesh. I don't know. They definitely hurt to read. That's not to say I don't want you to be honest in reviews, or tell me how you're feeling, but I guess I had higher expectations than what actually went down.
I admit some things were choppy, and still are. Our fights are the hardest fucking things in the world to figure out. Some of you do so much damage its ridiculous. And then others do absolutely nothing all fight, I just like?? Don't understand. I've been working on trying things out, on giving my monsters unique abilities or the rooms different effects. I'm no Matt Mercer, guys. Simply put, I'm too small brain to narrate every single attack into this awesome cinematic masterpiece of a DnD game.
Or, like, NPCs? I feel like I'm so awful with them. Nothing you guys can do to help me there, just a self critique.
Finally, the mention of how much I share with you keeps coming up. I like to tell you guys how much was done - it's mostly for fun, I'm never complaining about it. But like.. apparently you guys don't want that, even out of game, so Imma just stop I suppose? It feels like putting a filter on, but if it spoils the fun then that's that.
I'm feeling a little insecure after this session. I thought it was going to be a good one, and the response so far has been pretty mixed. It was hard not to feel sensitive and cry about the reviews, but I understand that putting myself in this role comes with critique, and sometimes critique really fucking sucks but that's just how life be sometimes.
I'm glad we're not playing this upcoming week. My ego needs some time to heal.
Let me know how to fix the fights.
Thanks (y)