EP 62 TREES

Feed the tree

Start with “feed the trees’ by Belly with Ryan singing along, take your hat off boy when your talking to me, feed the trees. Hey everyone, trees can talk! Yeah it’s true. I saw it myself last night when we snuck into a supposedly abandoned Helix lab in Cross End. Yeah, that’s right Helix, it was me Ryan fucking roswell. I was just expecting some weird illegal experiments but what we found was, was, right out of a frickin fairy tail. Yeah this tree was like, it maybe used to be human and got genetically crossed with a tree, or maybe it was always that way! I don’t know! all I know is it called itself “Wretched” and it said some shit man! Here, listen to it for yourselves Play some audio that is unintelligible
You hear that! Man! It said they twisted them and planted them in the ground, and they were left alone for a long time. God I wonder why that audio didn’t sound right, Alright WHATEVER. Let’s get on with it.

tree of legend

Ok first of all tree myths and legends have been around for centuries and in just about every culture. The Aztec, Maya considered the Kapok a symbol of the link between heaven earth and the world that was believed to exist below. The Greeks had The Dodana Grove that had tree that spoke and gave oracles. the Nordic Tree of Life, Yggdrasil apparently would drip honeydew and feed the bees, oh did I mention there were bees there too, back to the Norse, apparently the mead from these bees is supposed to bless the drinker with poetic inspiration. Which, well I’ve been up all night and I don’t know what this has to do with anything, right? The message here is Drink mead folks! Ok ok pull yourself together man! Fuck the legends this isn’t the Souptasters episode. lets concentrate on what we actually saw and learned last night
We learned that Helix labs did not invent this treeperson. They basically found it and said, ooh look at this weird tree, we should nurture this new species and allow it to live in peace, NAAAH fuck it, lets make it a prisoner and harvest it to make money!!! Anyway they acquired it from a company called the Shoreline Group. Which doesn’t mean they’re off the hook. No helix is a bunch of dicks but that’s another episode. Lets talk Shorline group

Shoreline Group

Here’s what I was able to find out. -formed around 1900 maybe? -private equity firm/think tank. -disbanded sometime before 1960 -several properties were abandoned for decades before being reclaimed by the city government and auctioned off in early 1980’s to the highest bidder. -that reminds me of a dream i had about going to a Corporate holiday party in the Belmont Hotel in the 1980’s. Oh never mind, BAck on track here, I’m sure we were at one of these properties last tonight BUT, I couldn’t find any actual records of these properties, addresses, owners, nothing! -in fact we found no actual official records of their ventures or any real details. But yet, they existed. I can’t explain it except that someone has gone to great lengths to cover up this Shoreline group.
Ok lets start by just talking about a few things this Shoreline Group might be connected with.

The Shore Line

First, there is a spot just north of the NEW DOCKS that people have claimed is haunted. The rumor is a woman committed suicide there by hanging herself from a tree. People say Her death knell can still be heard on certain nights. Many cultures have stories of “tree spirits” and is it possible that this woman’s spirit still lives in this tree. Is it possible that Shoreline Group found some way to make this happen and exploit it? With what I’ve seen in the last week and half we have to consider this as a possibility. And here’s where it gets weird. examine the shape of the coastline at that spot, go ahead look up a map , do you see it yet? The coastline is in the shape of an S and a G. SG! Shoreline Group! And if that’s not weird enough, if you look at maps pre-1900, this particular shape is NOT shown. And Shoreline showed up around 1900. This has to mean something.

Is it a code?

Ok, so there’s a supernatural shit, here’s a more realistic answer. 1 explanation for there being no records could be that “shoreline group” is simply code for something. If you mix up the letters shoreline group you get Superhero lingo- ok that’s interesting, Her glorious Pen- but who is “her” Poison her gruel. - this could make sense, the tree that we found had sap that was acidic, and fruits that Helix was harvesting. Hmm for poison though? UR Heron I. Gospel? Help Our Senior G RU Sheepgirl noo Rogue Loner Ship Longhouse Pier R Wait a second! There is a Pier R in the City, and there’s a Longhouse Shipping Company! Wait, whoa, Holy crap! Shoreline is still in existence, they just transformed themselves into a different corporation. We’ll have to look into that one! Wow. Well, there you go we just solved it, no wait that still doesn’t explain the talking tree! Alright let me continue.

Ester Goodly and “The Trees”

Ok Next we have Ester Goodly. You remember her? She’s shown up a few times in Black Reports. Well She has a Tryptych of paintings known as “the trees”. If you remember back in episode 37 we thought that the paintings in the museum were being used to pass subliminal messages to museum visitors to brainwash them into servitude to the Lizard Lord. Well something about this current investigation reminded me of this. So I went back and looked at my file and sure as shit it was right there! The initials “SG” were carved in one of the trees on her painting. So what does this mean, did she see one of the shoreline groups trees and paint it by chance. I don’t think so, didn’t she show up in the immortal woman episode. I can’t remember I’ll have to look, God, it seems like she knew h….. Alright, just another thing I’ll have to look up when I’m not so frickin tired! Fuck it, I’m grabbing the file right now. Ok, photo’s, immortal woman at talking heads concert, oh and there she is in the crowd at Mayor Brink’s big speech, Wait, that pin, on mayor brinks, it’s, I’ve seen that ( Rustle papers) There it is in… oh shit there it is again… I gotta look at this I’ll be back Cut….

OK I’m back,

every photo I’ve found with a connection to Shoreline Group, someone always has a lapel pin with what appears to be an inverted tree. The exact same pin that Mayor Kermit Brinks is wearing in not only in this photo I had from the immortal woman investigation, but in many many photos. I think we’re dealing with a secret society here, not a corporation, but they owned properties, but there’s no records of that. I don’t know. Anyway, apparently mayor Brinks died a quote, stupid and preventable death, but they never say anything more than that. There was also that story about grave robbers diggin up his coffin and finding it empty. And he always said he wanted to rule the city forever. And and and and. The papers OFTEN, and I mean OFTEN referred to him as “wretched”. I think the Shoreline Group used their supernatural magic to turn Mayor Brinks into a goddamn tree.
Play first verse of Feed the tree- “This old man i’ve talked about, broke his own heart Poured it in the ground Big red tree grew up and out” wait,What!!
Ryan: man I don’t think we should air this episode. It’s kind of a mess
Mr Black: it’s fine, the people need to know
Ryan: yeah I know but, we haven’t investigated thoroughly enough. We need more follow up
Mr Black: you don’t want to lose listeners do you?
Ryan: Well no, but what about my credibility?
Mr Black: Remember conspiracy College
Ryan: yeah, you keep telling me I went there but I think it’s bull
Mr black: in Anonymity 101 class they told you, if you have too much credibility then they will come after you. It’s better if they dismiss you as a nutjob, the people who are important will hear your message
Ryan: yeah, but
Mr Black: you’re tired, why don’t you let me take care of editing this episode and you just go to bed and get some rest
Ryan: will you take out the parts where I sound like an idiot?
Mr Black: of course I will

Link to recording

The Black Report episode 62  Trees