EP 61 BAD MEDICINE

Welcome to the Black Report

Before we get to our main topic I want to take a minute and talk about this weekend. First of All I’d like to say Thank You to all the Spoonies that showed up at the wedding this past weekend. I’m really proud that you turned out in numbers that I frankly didn’t realize we had. It’s great to see people coming together for a cause.
But, we gotta talk about the spandex? Really, I mean YOU DO YOU but I guess I like a take a more subtle approach. You see, I like to try to BLEND IN. Dress for the occasion but nothing that attracts too much attention. Anyway, here’s one of my go-to outfits that really fits a lot of occasions. Are you ready? Black shoes, black pants, white shirt, black tie, black dress coat, and if you’re outside get this… this is gonna blow you away... black sunglasses.
Anyway, that’s how I’d do it but hey, you came in there like a bunch of pranksters and really influenced events in a posit...well you influenced things. But hey, lets wrap this up quickly so we can get to the show. the 13 Salem spoons, didn’t quite go down how we thought it would, but basically they messed the wedding up so we were right, right? Yeah, and there was a portal opened at the wedding also so again, we were right. But there’s a lot of layers here folks, Turns out the most important thing to happen at the wedding was Helix Labs hired a local criminal to put something in the drinks! Turns out Helix was running some sort of experiment on the people at the wedding. What the purpose of this test was, we don’t know yet but, we’ll be looking into it.

You know this isn’t the first time

Helix Labs and or other Experimental Medical companies have tried this on people without their permission.
There was the water crisis we mentioned in episode 56 Remember the Monster Autopsy footage that was supposedly an Alien, but was actually a bad side affect from a “super steroid” being pushed as “nutritional supplements”. Of course the many theories about drones spraying chemicals over the city to do who knows what But let’s get back to the present and the main focus of this episode. We had an eyewitness report to us that Helix labs recently gave all their employees the new prototype of the heartstart meta x fitness watch. Now this isn’t set for release yet, it’s supposed to be new, cutting edge and have a lot of features the other ones don’t have. Seems like a nice gift right, but, after a few days of not wearing it I was getting, I mean my witness, totally not me, I definately don’t work at Helix Labs, my witness was getting weird comments from co-workers about “why aren’t you wearing it yet” or “this thing is so great why wouldn’t everyone wear one”. So he decided to wear it.
Well one day he was about to go into the bakery and get some doughnuts when all of sudden his watch dinged, and said “you don’t need doughnuts you have already reached your caloric intake for the day”. First of all! doughnuts! Second of all doughnuts! Who are you to tell me when I can and can’t have doughnuts! and... how do you know where I am? So..I got a hold of this thing and I can’t find anywhere to turn of the location services, this thing knows where you are all the time. Which means Helix Labs knows where you go all the time, is that something you really want. Do we really trust them with that information?
Another thing happened shortly after that. An email from Helix proclaiming “ Hooray, your ancestry report has arrived!” Yeah, your ancestry report. So, let me get this straight, this watch,somehow samples your DNA, Sends the info back to Helix, they search for your ancestors, ALL WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION, and then sugar coat it by proclaiming how nice they are, by giving you a free ancestry report!

It makes you wonder,

what else are they tracking without your knowledge? What do they even want all this information for? What kind of experiments are they doing?
So let get back to the wedding, and the drinks. And I thought, what if they’re not actually doing an “experiment” of something new to see what effects it will have? But what if they’re, Trying , to find a specific someone. Or What if they’re trying to find people with a certain gene and the drugs only trigger those with that gene. it kind of makes sense because their are certain factions in this city that would pay a high price for information such as certain peoples DNA and their ancestry. Look at how much a stir these new Camlenn’s caused. Maybe it has to do with that? But maybe not the Camlenn family but another winegarden family… or, Former, Winegarden family.
So, there’s this cool website, It’ kind of..it’s kinda like this show, it’s about the supernatural, unexplained events, and conspiracies happening in this city. And i really admire the writers on this website they do a great job. This website is called Obsidian Portal. Let me read something to you, this is right from the website
“The Metaxes family: A founding family that was taken completely by sickness in the 1810’s. (“Yeah i know folks, really old, what does that have to do with now”). Modern scholars believe that there may have been a genetic disposition in the family that caused them to succumb so quickly and completely. (“Here’s where it gets good”)There are some studies that try to trace the family lines through marriages and other kinship to identify potential modern members of the house”.
First of all, do I have to state the obvious, the HeartStart Meta X, it’s right in the name. You call it coincidence, Icall it evidence. For some reason Helix Labs is trying to find, or being paid to try to find, members of theMetaxes family? Why?

I’ll tell you why, Vampires!

That’s right, go ahead and laugh but hear me out. Remember the story about the famous author Stan Broker and his book about Vampires and how popular rumors at the time speculated that it was inspired but the historic sickness and death of the Metaxes family. Well, what if the comparison is more than just a metaphor? What if the Metaxes were actually the victims of a vampire, slowing sucking the lifeforce from each of them until there was no one left. Or maybe that’s not the right approach, The Metaxes ARE the vampires. Maybe the city learned their secret and did the whole angry pitchfork mob thing, and killed the entire family, except maybe one, or a few, got away, and are still living secretly in the city. Which makes Helix is the “ever diligent watchdog who keeps the city safe from the vampires ever coming back”
Hruumpf! Yeah right! Helix is trying to make their own vampires for sale. Come on, they would make unkillable soldiers, amazing spies and TONS of MONEY for Helix Labs. Yeah,and I bet my that Vamp DNA as the final key to make their super soldiers that can live forever!
And it all starts with the HeartStart meta-X fitness watch that Helix is planning to unveil to the public at this upcoming conference for “progressive and experimental medicine”. (Ryan’s phone alarm goes off) Oh no, I forgot, Oh crap I gotta go, I gotta meet .. um can’t be late
Ok, ok ok, so. This ALEXANDRA CONFERENCE always has protesters so it’d be easy to blend in. what do you think spoonies? just leave the spandex at home! I gotta go now.