"I am going to shove my serrated spear up your a** and make you beg me to twist it" - A Holy Declaration of War

Polygamy. Monogamy. They have pros and cons for societies and individuals. In Lamara: The Nation of the Gods' Gift Peninsula, the nobility and royalty generally agreed that the pros massively outweighed the cons:

- You can get multiple marriage ties out of a single child. "Imagine having to have 8 whiny little kids to have 8 marriage ties I can't even imagine having to have 8 whiny little kids to have 8 marriage ties. I just have one kid and force them to marry 8 people, 5 of whom they'll never see in person other than on the wedding day even after being married, and then we get to work on trying to threaten the royalty into reducing our tributes."

- The others didn't really matter that much happiness is temporary land is until someone else takes it from you. Then again magic families like the Brijilds - The Fire Family and Krysa - Crystal Magic Family having reduced fertility and a more intrinsic motive to have more children did mean them having more demand for spouses to make up for it as far as quantity of offspring had went.

Anyway, the Head of Faith one day decided that polygamy was cringe and that being monogamous like the commoners was the way to go.

Purpose

A declaration of war and massive flex.

Document Structure

Caveats

"You can choose to accept the ending of all but one of your ridiculous number of marriages, like seriously come on most of you haven't even met half the people you're married to, if you don't wish to die. I am welcome to anyone siding with me."

References

Various holy books, mostly pointing out how each of the first generation gods only took a single spouse, except the 14th goddess since there was no 14th god so she just became the most down horrendous goddess (canon tree-fucker. No really she fucked a tree and had a kid that turned into a big tree and that's supposed to explain the existence of the Black Forest with all those massive trees) in the heavens but that's besides the point, and how the God of Gods arranged them that way: monogamously.

The gods of later generations and the 14th goddess, who have engaged in polygamy, are also known to have themselves gotten into trouble with the God of Gods extremely often, essentially "just because the gods are doing it, especially if it's the gods that the top god is constantly punishing and yelling at, doesn't mean it's good."

Furthermore, monogamy was widespread across many regions of Lamara which lacked magic families before the formation of the Krysa Empire.

Publication Status

Not publicly accessible, but well known.

Historical Details

Background

This was after the Cult of Lussot was formed by a previous, utterly down horrendous Head of Faith, and Lamara's collective down badness was decreasing as fornication was being preached as a sin whereas previously only adultery was.

Concubines and consorts, previously considered a normal means for nobles to get more offspring - especially if their husbands/wives were away (many were married for lifetimes without having seen their spouse even once) - were being seen as illegitimate and a way for commoners to climb the ranks by getting in bed with nobles, plus the status of the children born from consorts and concubines, including how they should inherit, was becoming more confusing.

A previous Head of Faith outlawed consorts and concubines, undid the outlawing after being threatened by the royalty and nobility, and then put it back in place again a few months before their death under mysterious circumstances, but then when the new Head of Faith, the daughter of the previous one, came to power they refused to change it and spent most of their waking time trying not to get assassinated.

Belief in royal authority over noble authority was increasing in Lamara's heartlands, and it was more advantageous for monogamy to be the norm for the royalty as it made it harder the nobles to make blocks of marriage ties and throw massive piles of shi- I mean, attempted ultimatums at the royalty.

Public Reaction

Nobles: "NOOO YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM HAVE 43 HUSBANDS/WIVES I NEED THEM TO GET AN ENTIRE ADDITIONAL ACRE OF LAND FOR MY 7TH COUSIN I'M GETTING MY SOLDIERS AND RISING AGAINST YOU YOU'RE A FALSE PROPHET OF THE GODS ALMOST ALL OF THE 3RD AND THEN ON GENERATIONS OF GODS DO POLYGAMY WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEIR ACTIONS ARE LESS SIGNIFICANT THAN THOSE OF THE 1ST AND 2ND GENERATION GODS WHO ARE CLOSER TO THE GOD OF GODS NOOOO"

Royalty: "Ha nice. If I side with the Head of Faith and win this it won't be as easy for them to make deals and alliances that mess with my power."

Commoners: "If the Head of Faith says we should kill the people taxing us until they marry monogamously like us, then who are we to disagree?"

Merchants: "Oh by the God of Gods another civil war those are bad for business why can't we catch a break." / "YES ANOTHER CIVIL WAR TIME TO SELL STUFF I LITERALLY TAKE OFF CORPSES IN BATTLEFIELDS FOR FREE LESSGOOO!"

Legacy

Lamara doesn't do polygamy anymore.

Read the Document

"I am going to shove my serrated spear up your a** and make you beg me to twist it" - A Holy Declaration of War

Title: "I am going to shove my serrated spear up your ass and make you beg me to twist it."

Contents:

Polygamy within Lamara is an insult to Lamara, the God of Gods and all that is holy. For this reason, all common people of this great land that you corrupt with your hedonistic and greedy ways are encouraged to rise up in rebellion until all nobles engaged in polygamous filth stop immediately.

Lamara, the Gods' Gift Peninsula, was separated from the Gods' Mercy Continent as a home to the sinless people, those that the God of Gods spared from their wrath upon the sinners among humanity with life among horrific monsters and similarly horrific landscapes.

To sin is to invite the God of Gods to cast Lamara and all Lamarans into similar suffering. Sin will bring forth endless monsters from both land and sea to reduce us to the suffering of those beyond this beautiful land.

From clay the God of Gods made 13 gods and 14 goddesses, the 14th made as, when the God of Gods made the goddesses smaller than the gods and still had clay remaining after giving them breasts, they sought to create further life. To each of the gods went a goddess, and to each but one of the goddesses went a god.

This was the will of the God of Gods, the highest authority of them all, who the gods must ask permission from before blessing or punishing us, and so it is clear that - especially as none of the 13 goddesses were required to share their husband with the 14th - the will of the God of Gods is for us to be monogamous.

The actions of later generations of the gods, who, while mighty and great, aren't at all times virtuous, do not necessarily reflect the will of their great creator, the best child of Yaldabaoth, the God of Gods, and it is the standards of the God of Gods that we must hold ourselves to if we are not followers of and under the holy blessing of a specific one of their creations.

Key, most of all, are the visions the God of Gods has delivered me when I ask this of them. Their will is clear.

And so I announce this: all marriages in which either party is additionally married to another individual are annulled and all children from these marriages are legitimized free of bastardry. Marriage to more than a single individual is illegal henceforth.

Those who refuse to give up polygamy and are taken alive will receive my holy spear, gifted upon my predecessors by the God of Gods themselves, up their ass, followed by them being tortured into begging me to twist it.

Close

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Medium

Canvas

Authoring Date

A few hundred years before Sarah showed up.

Myth

Prophecy of the Sinless World

Location

Mount Krysal

Signatories (Organizations)

• Krysa Empire, or "just Lamara": It rules Lamara