I Watch the Clock

I've sat here every day since my memory begins. I don't really know how long that is, but it must be years now. The days pass, I can tell the seasons outside the heavily screened windows change. Rain comes and goes, snow sometimes blankets the outside. Night comes and I am wheeled away to a small room with a small bed where I am laid. I sleep most nights, probably due to the pills, but it is the only time I get relief from the dfesire, the need to count each second.

As I've said, I've sat here every day since I can remember. Here in this chair with wheels that doesn't allow me to actually go anywhere. I stare in the same direction each day. If I do not, I panic, I twitch, I make strangled, pathetic sounds like a trapped animal. Not my choice really, but I must watch the clock while the sun is up. Must count its bouncing tick as the second had sweeps around its face, jerking with each second, surging forward in time and dropping back ever so slightly. It means something, and if I stare long enough, count enough seconds, I will figure out what and it will save me.

I haven't been able to move or speak since I started watching the clock. I have no desire to do either really. I just need to watch the clock. That big old clock hung above the windows in the big dingy room with the tables and chairs and the number of crazy people. I'm not like them. I have purpose. What do they do? They don't have a reason to continue to watch. But I do. If only I could remeber what the reason is.

Some days I almost remember. A flash of a face. The sound of wind and laughter. The squeal of tires. Flames from somewhere. Then the second hand moves on the clock and I am reminded that I must watch the clock. At all times. I must not fail. I must witness each second as it is counted. I must continue to count the time...