Meta: Celestial Mechanics of The 'Verse

i.e. Big Damn Rant (my apologies)

Written by Shaudawn

Houston, We Have a Problem

The 'Verse isn't static. It's difficult enough for most of us, it seems, to think in three-dimensions when we've been so conditioned to look at our world on two-dimensional maps. On top of that, planets and moons in the 'Verse are more like points in a big sea of black—metaphorically and relatively speaking. It's probably easier to think of this 'Verse as an archipelago of islands rather than points on a continent, and our little boat is like...well...a little boat. But, again, it is not a static 'Verse. Things move. Stuff orbits. And not at all the same rate.
Joss and Zach and Jed might be all kinds of genius with character and plot, but science? Not so much. Not astrophysics. Not even physics. The 'Verse is held together with 62% handwavium, 37% phlebotinum, 15% magical nanobots and/or terraforming voodoo, and 3.2618% wingardium leviosa. Carry the nuthin' and you also come up with an additional 2% dontgiveacrapite and a trace of Unobtainium. QMx makes the shiniest stuff. But they didn't hire astrophysicists neither. Just more folk to make more two-dimensional maps. Purdy maps I got on my wall after saving up for it. But still maps. In 2D. That don't move.
And then they came out with "The Verse In Numbers" and I rejoiced. "Finally! Oh, look, mass and orbital distance. Oh, that makes much more sense to have a multiple star system too. Wait, a class A0 star? Well...alright...but... Secondary planetary spin to make 24 hour days and 365.25 day years? Clever. I didn't think of that. Show your math? Obviously, everyone should do that. But...wait... No, wait...wait, wait, wait. That's not right. You have to consider the mass of the stars! Oh, I see an update. TVIN 2.1. Surely they fixed it. Wait, it's just more planets and moons and asteroids thrown in? You ...you didn't fix anything? Hill radii, sure, you got that but that's not the first thing to fix." *throws up hands, groans inwardly* (I hate being OCD about this. I'd rather write.)

While using multiple suns helps to account for the very vague reference about the 'Verse having "dozens of planets and hundreds of moons" in just one "system", of which around 70 are likely habitable ( "more than 70 Earths spinning in this galaxy and the meek have inherited not a one." --Mal to Saffron in "Our Mrs. Reynolds") it makes it very messy and difficult to figure out the celestial mechanics of this multiple-star system.
In our own solar system, we basically can treat it very simply like a bunch of two-body problems. That's because our sun is the only star, and it's so much bigger than every planet, even Jupiter. So, the easiest models and equations in celestial mechanics works like a bunch of independent two-body problems. Now, when you have a bunch of stars that are all in the same neighborhood of mass, it gets more difficult. And since Fox or Universal throws astronomically more money at the effects department than the astrophysicist, and because those of us who know a little more do this stuff out of love rather than money, getting a massive computer to run the numbers just ain't gonna happen, dong ma? (I don't have the time or money to learn any proper Chinese language, either.)
So, I'm going to try to deal with the 'Verse as best I can. And because I'm exercising a right to free information and making rude gestures at the capitalist model, I'm going to try to tell you how I do it and why. However, hold on to your horses because it doesn't promise to be easy. This is going to get messy.

The Systematic Thinking on This

First, we do have to acknowledge this. As a fan writer, there is a hierarchy of canon. Now, it comes with caveats, and I'm going to challenge it, but the hierarchy has to be acknowledged. First of all, it's Joss' baby. His ball game. I can either play or go run my own little world. If anything changes, they override whatever I've done. I'll go cry in my corner, then, and start again. So, this is how I see it:

Hierarchy of 'Verse Canon:

1. Joss Whedon
2. Writers of Firefly (TV series)
3. Writers of Serenity (film)
4. Writers of the official comic books (Dark Horse, i.e. Zach & Jed, et. al.)

Now, below this is what I consider semi-canon. Yes, it's official. Ain't capitalism great when you can license an idea? Anyway, I respect it to a point. But there can be lines where I'm going to stand firm, open up a can of handwavium™, wave my wand and speak the pseudo-latin:

Hierarchy of 'Verse Semi-Canon

(Tentative. Grains of salt included. Big ones sometimes. And some subjects get more weight than others.)

• The Complete and Official Map of The Verse by Geoffrey Mandel, published by QM Press and their subsequent derivatives works known as
  • The Verse in Numbers (TVIN for short), and
  • The Arc of the Verse by William T. Pace
   both supplements offered by Quantum Mechanix & QM Press
• Serenity: Role Playing Game. Jamie Chambers. Margaret Weis Productions, Ltd. (and supplements)
  • Big Damn Heroes Handbook
  • Six Guns & Spaceships
• Firefly Role Playing Game. Monica Valentinelli. Margaret Weis Productions, Ltd.
• VFX Producers of Firefly & Serenity
• The Jin Dui resource files
• Other fanon

Now again, just because this is the hierarchy of canon doesn't mean I put my trust in it. It's just who owns the ball. I mean, come on, Joss. Terraforming doesn't work like that. But it's your ball, and if I can't play then I can go run my own little world. And while I got me a few little worlds that I do run, I would also very much like to play ball in this park. So whatever you say, Mr. Whedon, sir.

Assumptions

This is what I'm accepting and what I'm challenging. (I note as I look back on it, it seems kind of like a creed or oath or the Twelve Steps. Gosh, maybe I'm addicted here. NAH! *Step 1 denied!*)

• I accept the existence of the 'Verse.
• I accept the name of the system as 34 Tauri (2020)
• I accept the number of stars in that system and their names, both Anglo and Sino.
• I accept the existence, names, quantity, and the order of the planets, moons, asteroids and space stations as given in TVIN 2.1, both canon and fan-added in that publication.
• I accept the existence, names, quantity, and the order of the planets and moons given in official canon works-to-come only. No fan-added planets, moons, or stars.
• I accept the existence, names, quantity, and the order of the asteroids and space stations added in future works, both canon and fan-added. There's enough for that, but no more planetoids larger than Ida, and nothing that upsets the canonical balance of power.
• I'm willing to overlook things like orbital eccentricity, stellar class and stellar luminescence given as is in TVIN 2.1. I can work with all that.
• I'll take the mass and semi-major radii as orbits of the bodies given in TVIN 2.1 even.

Thus said: I have to draw the line somewhere or it'll all fall apart for me. Therefore, I resolve:

• to try to maintain the integrity of TVIN 2.1 as best I can by adjusting as little as possible.
• if I have an issue, I'll say why and present a reasonable argument, not just because it don't go with my purdy floral bonnet

Recognition & Respect

I'm indebted to Andy Gore, J. Chris Bourdier, Geoffrey Mandel, and William T. Pace each for their painstaking works. I just wish somebody along the way did one little thing and actually show the math. It's a simple equation, honest. Then, I wouldn't be banging my head against the warning entitled "Lies, Damn Lies & Canon". So I'll just pick at this one thread, then you can beat me with your hundred-plus pages of TVIN. Until the next guy comes along, then I get a swing at her or him too, all the while cheering them on.