Change
“Why here,” she asked with a slight hesitation in her low voice. It had been decades since they had returned, at least together, to the ruins of the life they had once called their own. Since they had walked the ruins of Castle Night. Dark had, of course, obliged when Relic had asked her if she had a few hours to maybe go for a walk and talk. He’d even only grumped a little when she’d reminded him that Fhin would be accompanying them. The Fire Fae was on his very best behavior and even gave them a few meters of privacy. Really… all that either of them could manage. After so much had happened in Rome... neither were ashamed to admit they were still broken in a lot of ways. Her fingers already itched for him and she couldn’t help but turn around and check to make sure he was still there from time to time.
“Because there is nowhere else, August. We’ve been a thousand other paces… but was any of them really our home?”
”Obsidian is my home,” she answered, no little bit sullenly.
”But not ours,” Relic said very gently, lacing his fingers through hers and bringing them to his lips with a quiet kind of smile. ”You’ve built a life of your own. And it’s a good one. I don’t begrudge you that. Or even envy it. I made my own too.”
For what seemed like a very long while, both of them were silent. The moon over the grounds that had once been full of the folk of the House of Night cast ghosts of silver and shadow. Only silence reigned here now. It had been eighty years since their family had burned. Since they’d lost one another only to grow different. Time and circumstance had brought them back together, but it had never been quite the same. Because they were not the same. There was more hurt between them than they’d ever really be able to fully heal, and more than twice that of love and steadfast loyalty. For so much of their lives, they’d been all the other had. She, the broken little vampire girl, more murder doll than person. Him, the daemon with a heart who tried and failed not to be a complete shithead. For eight hundred years, they’d had one another. Now, they both had someone else.
”I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. Going back through my life, our life with Noah has been a trip. We’ve seen some shit. And done more.”
”Do you regret it?” She asked very quietly as they passed out of the wooded part of the old estate and to the sweeping grasslands that lead to the desolate strip of cliff where first they’d met, the Irish Sea on one side and Loch Ryan on the other.
Relic turned golden eyes on her now. ”Regret what? I don’t really ever have regrets, August. It’s not really a part of me. I make my choices and I own them. Regret is for people who have that kind of time.”
Dark gave his statement due consideration. She supposed it was true. For all that Relic could be sharp or callous, she’d never heard him make excuses or lament what had been. If a thing went south, he usually remarked his part in it and how things could have gone differently.
”I’d be dead if you hadn’t been so stubborn,” she changed the trajectory of her thoughts. She supposed if he’d regretted sticking with her he wouldn’t have. He’d have left. She’d seen him leave people in ruins before. Relic wasn’t exactly a poster child for healthy relationships and there wasn’t a flavor of toxic that he didn’t enjoy.
”Oh for sure,” he laughed. ”Siobhan would have killed you if you hadn’t gotten your fool self killed first. You were a crazy bitch back in the day.”
”Heyyyyy,” she laughed, mock punching him in the arm with her free hand. “That’s not fair and you know it. You tortured me til I lost it.”
”Only like that one time. Geez, August. Fucking let it go.”
Dark laughed. She laughed so hard that tears came to her eyes. It was so ridiculous to be laughing about something so absolutely horrible. But, that was kind of their life. They killed people for a living and had for all the time they’d known one another. Weather for the House, or the Church, for the Templars, or because a friend had a need… their life was painted with a brush from which the red would never wash off. It had been some parts nightmare, other parts sad… but always… they’d been together.
“You’re leaving me,” she said in a voice that was edged in a sorrow that she could not hide. It wasn’t a question or an accusation. It wasn’t spoken with razor wire or anger. It was gentle and clear. She knew it just like she knew that this was how he was going to say good-bye. The same way she’d just known when he had texted her and asked her if she had a few hours before the wedding to talk. Because if there was one person on this earth that Dark knew, it was Relic. Her Hunting Partner. Briefly her lover. Her best friend.
“Yes and no,” the raven haired daemon answered with his usual obfuscation. His smile had faded with her words and she could tell this was hard for him. “It’s just -”
She stopped him and put a hand on his chest, looking up into his height with a comforting little half smile. “It’s okay, Relic. You don’t have to explain. I kinda figured. And it’s the right thing to do.”
He let go of her hand and settled both his on her hips, their height difference somewhat comical. But, it always was with Dark. She was shorter than everyone. “Is it now? The assassin who knows fuck all about magic is suddenly a mind reader?”
“When it comes to you, maybe,” she quipped back, but didn’t take the bait. He had always been too good at getting her off balance and she wasn’t going to let him derail her this time. “Which is beside the point. You and Noah deserve a life, Relic. You’ve earned it. And he more than deserves not to have to wait up at night wondering if his husband is going to come home. If he’s already lived through your past… how could you make him have to live our life? To see the ugly in the world? He already knows way more than any human should ever have to carry. Because that’s the price of loving you. He was willing to pay it, even though I’ve seen the haunted look in his eyes that he tries to hide when he looks at me. It’ll fade in time, but right now… I know what he sees. I wish… he didn’t. He was the one thing in my life that was untainted by all of this. That was as close to normal as I’ll ever get. My Godson… who chose me. Because being broken made us the same.”
She sighed and stepped out of his arms, looking out into the star strewn night. “This isn’t about me, Rel-”
“It is, though,” came his London accented voice from just behind her. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and lay his chin on the top of her head. There was the weight of years in his words. “It’s been you and me, kid. Since I saw you there on this cliff in the damn middle of winter in nothing but your shift staring out at the black water as if it would tell you who you were before all of this. You were so… sad. Or, I was sad for you. Because I couldn’t read a single thing on your face. Just that mop of snowy hair blowing in the bitter wind and you unmoved. From the hour after sunset until the hour before. Night after night. It was always you, August. My best friend. My… only real friend. Because you didn’t care about my mistakes or my past. You just put that tiny hand in mine like I had the answers for which you were looking. You followed me all over the earth and even when I damn near destroyed you-”
“Relic, stop,” she turned around and stood on her tiptoes, having to place her hands on his shoulders to boost herself so she could kiss him. Just a gentle brush of her lips against his, but it said a lot and it shut him up.
“It’s not about me because this is your life and it’s your choice and it’s the right one. You chose Noah. And he chose you. What you have is special. You can’t Hunt with me anymore, Relic. And… you can’t be a Night either. You can’t live this half life, torn between too many masters. You have a chance with Noah, to make something good. Because he…” and her voice hitched a little.
Relic looked down and saw the impossible. A tear tracing its way down her cheek. “No tears for me, kid. Don’t you dare. Not after all of this… this crazy fucked up ride we’ve had.” He reached up and cupped her cheek, brushing it away with a thumb and placing his brow on hers, a tear of his own mimicking hers.
“Why does this feel so much like good-bye?” she asked, a sob breaking through as the little assassin threw herself into his arms, shaking with the force of the tears he’d only seen her cry a few times in the centuries he’d known her.
“Because change always does,” he whispered, holding her close, nuzzling into the winter white of her hair. “Because nothing that dies… ever comes back the same, right? Isn’t that what you told me?”
“I love you, Relic.”
“I love you too, August. I always will.”
“Because there is nowhere else, August. We’ve been a thousand other paces… but was any of them really our home?”
”Obsidian is my home,” she answered, no little bit sullenly.
”But not ours,” Relic said very gently, lacing his fingers through hers and bringing them to his lips with a quiet kind of smile. ”You’ve built a life of your own. And it’s a good one. I don’t begrudge you that. Or even envy it. I made my own too.”
For what seemed like a very long while, both of them were silent. The moon over the grounds that had once been full of the folk of the House of Night cast ghosts of silver and shadow. Only silence reigned here now. It had been eighty years since their family had burned. Since they’d lost one another only to grow different. Time and circumstance had brought them back together, but it had never been quite the same. Because they were not the same. There was more hurt between them than they’d ever really be able to fully heal, and more than twice that of love and steadfast loyalty. For so much of their lives, they’d been all the other had. She, the broken little vampire girl, more murder doll than person. Him, the daemon with a heart who tried and failed not to be a complete shithead. For eight hundred years, they’d had one another. Now, they both had someone else.
”I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. Going back through my life, our life with Noah has been a trip. We’ve seen some shit. And done more.”
”Do you regret it?” She asked very quietly as they passed out of the wooded part of the old estate and to the sweeping grasslands that lead to the desolate strip of cliff where first they’d met, the Irish Sea on one side and Loch Ryan on the other.
Relic turned golden eyes on her now. ”Regret what? I don’t really ever have regrets, August. It’s not really a part of me. I make my choices and I own them. Regret is for people who have that kind of time.”
Dark gave his statement due consideration. She supposed it was true. For all that Relic could be sharp or callous, she’d never heard him make excuses or lament what had been. If a thing went south, he usually remarked his part in it and how things could have gone differently.
”I’d be dead if you hadn’t been so stubborn,” she changed the trajectory of her thoughts. She supposed if he’d regretted sticking with her he wouldn’t have. He’d have left. She’d seen him leave people in ruins before. Relic wasn’t exactly a poster child for healthy relationships and there wasn’t a flavor of toxic that he didn’t enjoy.
”Oh for sure,” he laughed. ”Siobhan would have killed you if you hadn’t gotten your fool self killed first. You were a crazy bitch back in the day.”
”Heyyyyy,” she laughed, mock punching him in the arm with her free hand. “That’s not fair and you know it. You tortured me til I lost it.”
”Only like that one time. Geez, August. Fucking let it go.”
Dark laughed. She laughed so hard that tears came to her eyes. It was so ridiculous to be laughing about something so absolutely horrible. But, that was kind of their life. They killed people for a living and had for all the time they’d known one another. Weather for the House, or the Church, for the Templars, or because a friend had a need… their life was painted with a brush from which the red would never wash off. It had been some parts nightmare, other parts sad… but always… they’d been together.
“You’re leaving me,” she said in a voice that was edged in a sorrow that she could not hide. It wasn’t a question or an accusation. It wasn’t spoken with razor wire or anger. It was gentle and clear. She knew it just like she knew that this was how he was going to say good-bye. The same way she’d just known when he had texted her and asked her if she had a few hours before the wedding to talk. Because if there was one person on this earth that Dark knew, it was Relic. Her Hunting Partner. Briefly her lover. Her best friend.
“Yes and no,” the raven haired daemon answered with his usual obfuscation. His smile had faded with her words and she could tell this was hard for him. “It’s just -”
She stopped him and put a hand on his chest, looking up into his height with a comforting little half smile. “It’s okay, Relic. You don’t have to explain. I kinda figured. And it’s the right thing to do.”
He let go of her hand and settled both his on her hips, their height difference somewhat comical. But, it always was with Dark. She was shorter than everyone. “Is it now? The assassin who knows fuck all about magic is suddenly a mind reader?”
“When it comes to you, maybe,” she quipped back, but didn’t take the bait. He had always been too good at getting her off balance and she wasn’t going to let him derail her this time. “Which is beside the point. You and Noah deserve a life, Relic. You’ve earned it. And he more than deserves not to have to wait up at night wondering if his husband is going to come home. If he’s already lived through your past… how could you make him have to live our life? To see the ugly in the world? He already knows way more than any human should ever have to carry. Because that’s the price of loving you. He was willing to pay it, even though I’ve seen the haunted look in his eyes that he tries to hide when he looks at me. It’ll fade in time, but right now… I know what he sees. I wish… he didn’t. He was the one thing in my life that was untainted by all of this. That was as close to normal as I’ll ever get. My Godson… who chose me. Because being broken made us the same.”
She sighed and stepped out of his arms, looking out into the star strewn night. “This isn’t about me, Rel-”
“It is, though,” came his London accented voice from just behind her. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and lay his chin on the top of her head. There was the weight of years in his words. “It’s been you and me, kid. Since I saw you there on this cliff in the damn middle of winter in nothing but your shift staring out at the black water as if it would tell you who you were before all of this. You were so… sad. Or, I was sad for you. Because I couldn’t read a single thing on your face. Just that mop of snowy hair blowing in the bitter wind and you unmoved. From the hour after sunset until the hour before. Night after night. It was always you, August. My best friend. My… only real friend. Because you didn’t care about my mistakes or my past. You just put that tiny hand in mine like I had the answers for which you were looking. You followed me all over the earth and even when I damn near destroyed you-”
“Relic, stop,” she turned around and stood on her tiptoes, having to place her hands on his shoulders to boost herself so she could kiss him. Just a gentle brush of her lips against his, but it said a lot and it shut him up.
“It’s not about me because this is your life and it’s your choice and it’s the right one. You chose Noah. And he chose you. What you have is special. You can’t Hunt with me anymore, Relic. And… you can’t be a Night either. You can’t live this half life, torn between too many masters. You have a chance with Noah, to make something good. Because he…” and her voice hitched a little.
Relic looked down and saw the impossible. A tear tracing its way down her cheek. “No tears for me, kid. Don’t you dare. Not after all of this… this crazy fucked up ride we’ve had.” He reached up and cupped her cheek, brushing it away with a thumb and placing his brow on hers, a tear of his own mimicking hers.
“Why does this feel so much like good-bye?” she asked, a sob breaking through as the little assassin threw herself into his arms, shaking with the force of the tears he’d only seen her cry a few times in the centuries he’d known her.
“Because change always does,” he whispered, holding her close, nuzzling into the winter white of her hair. “Because nothing that dies… ever comes back the same, right? Isn’t that what you told me?”
“I love you, Relic.”
“I love you too, August. I always will.”
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