Ottoz Mainlandër

Ottoz Mainlandër (a.k.a. Oz)

Oz is like the old beloved family dog: He's smelly, confused, and pees on the rug. You're fond of him but you know you'll have to put him down eventually. Just short of middle age (for a dwarf). Oz hasn't seen a lot of real combat but that's about to change he surmises.

Physical Description

General Physical Condition

Short and muscled. Chaotic long hair and beard. He's a dwarf...ya know how he looks.

Special abilities

Animal Handling Survival

Apparel & Accessories

Breach-cloth with leggings. That's about it for now

Mental characteristics

Personal history

Not much for small talk or any type of talk for that matter. Start a conversation and see what happens.

Gender Identity

Male

Sexuality

Absolutely

Education

Taught to tie the thong on his sandals when he was 2 but has ignored any attempt to school him beyond the basics when he was younger. Autodidact.

Employment

Arms Quartermaster at the local keep for 25 years.

Accomplishments & Achievements

Faux gold dagger for 25 years then forced "retirement."

Failures & Embarrassments

Where to begin.....

Mental Trauma

Where to begin....

Intellectual Characteristics

Pedantic about grammar. Thinks he's more clever than he really is.

Taboos

Abuse or mishandling of animals of any kind.

Personality Characteristics

Motivation

Out to see what he's missed so far in life. Has contracted a severe case of FOMO.

Likes & Dislikes

Yes

Virtues & Personality perks

You can count on him in a fight and to lose money when gambling.

Vices & Personality flaws

Don't send him on an ale run because you're not going to get any.....

Hygiene

Hygiene? What's that?

Social

Religious Views

The gods abandoned us long ago and probably didn't exist anyway.

Social Aptitude

Kind and soft hearted towards those he's loyal to but if he doesn't......

Mannerisms

Likes to use his hands to describe his exploits few though there are a this point.

Hobbies & Pets

Wood carving likenesses of his friends.

Speech

Speaks quickly and carefully for a dwarf that is when he does speak.

With a scarred face and flattened nose. Oz just doesnt know when to shut up and read the room before shooting his mouth off.......

View Character Profile

Alignment

Chaotic Good

Children

Gender

Male

Eyes

Black

Hair

Mud Blonde

Skin Tone/Pigmentation

Ruddy and blotched from running around too much with his shirt off.

Height

4'5"

Weight

160lbs

Known Languages

Common, Dwarvish

Oz's Christmas Letter (Yes one of those!)

Oz’s Christmas Letter Dear family and friends: Wanted to let you know what I had been up to this year and more details about my new family: You remember Baric the Cleric I’ve talked so much about. He continues his hobby of mummified bird watching and still insists on burying everything dead and undead. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be here more ways than one. Dash has become a stalwart companion in the shield wall but still can’t hit the blind side of a barn door with a battle-ax. He continues his search for a more fortunate weapon. Murland, our newest member, has taken up barbecuing trolls and likes them with a light burnt tinge before he considers them done. Troll Brisket! He has been a welcome addition and we become fast friends. Tuath has also become a bit obsessed with fire and we have to watch him and keep matches away from him at all times. We antagonize each other but I’ve found out all and all that elves aren’t so bad (Don’t tell Mother.) I happily wander with this group of eclectic and eager warriors and hope to continue in the coming year. God(GM) willing. Happy DND Holidays.

Minutes from ITUDEU

International Troll Union (Dungeon Encounter Unit) Subject: Low staffing This letter to the troll union constituency is to address recent events at the Emberfall facility over the last couple of days. Many of you have come to me addressing the inadequate staffing we’ve had reference the designed encounters with the most immediate party within the halls at this time. There appears to be just enough of us to almost kill the intruders but just not quite enough. Rest In Peace: Mououllkkoff and Guueolfrif etc.. I will arbitrate and address management on future encounters and ensure we have the appropriate amount of staffing to not only get the job done but done well. Signed—Shop Steward Argmorffufel

Ozzie's Stream of Consciousness (or Unconsciousness)

Walked around the woods on the cliff for long while and waited for Tuath to scout, waited waited waited finally climbed up to a window saw a lady dwarf and birds through the window, I like birds especially corvids not covid, corvids. Climbed back down then climbed back up with Dash and climbed through. Tackled lady dwarf after she tried to trick me with the oldest trick in the book. “What’s that behind you?” indeed. HA. She wouldn’t cooperate so I punched her. Rest of the folks came through and we went up to observatory and got tangled in tentacles and walloped an air elemental. Went to the kitchen and clobbered a fire elemental and had some soup. Found a stuffed owl I will name him Hooty. Maybe owls are my favorite. Down the hall and a troll finally showed up with tentacles and all. Tuath went back to find a “down” bed (an elf’s natural tendency….(to find a bed that is) haha) and then the puns flew. I’m swinging my sword trying to kill this thing and that’s all they can think about. I mean if it wasn’t for me NOTHING would get done around here! FOCUS! Then I wondered why don’t we carry fire and oil with us ALL the time, why? Sooooo many trolls these days. The troll died. The end.

The Last Will and Testament of Ozzie M

In light of recent events it has been brought to my attention that I need a will. So here it goes: ——————————————————————————————————— I Ottoz Mainlandër being of mostly sound mind and body hereby leave the following belongings to my party: -Tuath: My moss troll ear necklace and a book of orc free verse poetry -Baric: My wererat nose earrings and a spare shovel -Dash: My bag of Ettin teeth and a dented shield -Murland: My ghoul skin belt and forgiveness for killing my favorite packhorse Daisy. ——Ozzie

Death's Duty Roster

Hi, let me introduce myself. My name is Death. Hello to all the new people who are joining us today. It is a bit of a busy day so let’s get right down to it. We’ve got to drop by Phanlyn and pick up a couple of gnomes who fell drunk into a well and drowned. And Hmmmmm and I just got notice that we need to be on standby for a group up near Axeholm. Not quite but we probably should head up that way and save some time. We’ll need to come up with some epitaphs for them since they’re all going to die and won’t have anyone to do that for them. Let’s see: The Cleric: Did everyone get buried? The Elf: Which way to the back? The Dwarf: I should’a been a bard! The naked Dwarf: Ah crap! The Sorcerer: God Dammit, I just got here! At any rate. Good luck out there. Dismissed.

:)

sent by text

Oh God.....

FADE IN: EXT. CHURCH - DAY In the heart of Phanlyn, a quaint steepled limestone chapel sits among the lofty oaks. INT. CHURCH - CONFESSIONAL A Priest and a dwarf sit in a confessional, an opaque screen separates the two. OZZIE, The dwarf is giving his confession. OZZIE Father, why does god hate us so much? FATHER JOHN, ponders the question with a raised eyebrow. FATHER JOHN I’m not sure what you mean my son. Can you tell me more. OZZIE Well it all started when we entered the fortress of Axeholm……… TIME PASSES OZZIE And then they surrounded us, Baric and Dash were down and Tuath……… TIME PASSES OZZIE (sobbing) I just couldn’t stop feeling like God was rooting against us. Every hit on us, every miss on them. A strange voice from the heavens laughing……. FATHER JOHN Well son, if you would just do a normal journal entry maybe you wouldn't attract so much hostility. OZZIE Wise words Father.

Ozzie's list of things to do today

-Things to do today ✓ See bears ✓ See more bears ✓ Mince 12 orcs and set aside ✓ Prepare and collect rocks ✓ Bury orcs in rocks ✓ Avoid BF Goat ✓ Enter abandoned fortress √ Look through arrow slits....but don't walk through them ✓ Yank on portcullis ✓ Climb abandoned ruins ✓ Drop down old chimney ✓ Explore room ✓ Go to next room ✓ Get sprayed with milky white fluid :( ✓ Get attacked by big goddamn spiders ✓ Kill spiders

Pie Eater Rap

Yeah, yeah Ayo, pie eaters, it's time. It's time, pie eaters (aight, pie eaters, begin). Straight out the mighty dungeons of rap. The darkness drops deep as does my dwarf. I never run, 'cause to run is the mother of morph. Beyond the wall of Wererats, life is defined. I think of gold when I'm in a raging state of mind. In a raging state of mind. What more could you ask for? The raging darkness? You complain about blood. I gotta love it though somebody still speaks for the starkness. I'm rappin' to the torch, And I'm gonna move your scorch. Smelly, lonely, lazy, like an elf Boy, I tell you, I thought you were myself. I can't take the blood, can't take the length. I woulda tried to rage again but had no strength. I'm rappin' to the scorch, And I'm gonna move your torch. Yea, Oz is in a raging state of mind........................................................

Tank Wanted

To:[email protected] From:[email protected] Here is the partial transcript of the recent interview with the candidate we’re suggesting: ————— Grog: Thanks for coming in Ottoz, sit down and let’s get down to it. Grog: Describe a time when you used teamwork to solve a problem at a previous security job. Ottoz: My cohorts and I were delivering personnel to a goldmine north of Phanlyn and attacked a group of wererats who had taken up occupation of the mine. Grog: We’re you successful in that endeavor? Ottoz: urrr…..no but… Grog: That’s okay let’s move on. Ottoz:(Grumble) Grog: If you had a coworker you felt wasn’t handling their fair share of the workload what would you say or do? Ottoz: Well…..I’d go up to the elf and say….., Grog: Stop….ummm I don’t see that as necessarily appropriate, we’ll circle back to that one. Can you give me and example of security work that you’ve done in the recent past? Ottoz: I worked for two dwarves named Norbus and Dazzlene. They told me about a place called Axehome. My experience with them……was…….{redacted} Grog: Fine, Fine……..tell me more….. (Continued on next page). {Not really}

Mommy Issues

Dear Mom: It’s been awhile and you told me to write when I got safe work. Well I found something in Phanlyn working for the Wester Bank of all things. I mainly work in customer service and conflict resolution. My boss, Mr. Harbin Wester, is eccentric but his demands are not too taxing. My coworkers who are mostly nice as well: Baric who takes care of repair issues and seems really nice except for the weird cat sign on his pocket protector. Dash a fellow dwarf handles interpersonal conflicts with the customer and ourselves. I’m not sure what the heck Tuath, an elf (I know, I know) does. Our job this week was an on site visit to do a bit of networking and enterprise management delivery then off to open a new branch office. At any rate all things are well. I literally have to run. More next week. Love Ozzie P.S. Sorry Mom but I’m still working on my anger management issues.

Ode to a Cleric

Whose Hello Kitty banner is that? I think I know. Its owner is quite happy though. Full of joy like a vivid rainbow, I watch him laugh. I cry hello. He gives his banner a shake, And laughs until his belly aches. The only other sound's that break, Of distant screech and dragons awake. The Kitty banner is holy, bright and cheap, But he has promises to keep, After goodberry and lots of sleep. Sweet dreams come to him deep. He rises from his gentle bed, With thoughts of orcs in his head, He eats his rations with lots of bread. Ready for the day ahead.

The No Luck Logging Camp

I marveled at the elf’s ability to find a path through the dense forest on the way to the logging camp. But thus arriving there something seemed amiss. Many of the structures were destroyed, the tents abandoned. We tied off the cart and ox in a copse of trees and made our way down to the tents to see what was going on there. Suddenly a cockroach on steroids popped from the ground and attacked Baric taking him into it’s huge mandibles. Baric flailed there and the comical, albeit unfortunate aspect of it was what made me miss a successive amount of blows on the damn thing. Drollness aside it would appear my impact with the ground had the unfortunate effect of summoning another one of those damn things and then we had to contend now with two of the creatures. Dash already having stole my role as super dwarf in this party then *really* stole my thunder on this one as he dispatched the first beast and went after the other taking some hits as he went. I feel at this point if the party spent more time fighting and less time pointing fingers and laughing we would be sooooo much more effectual (sniff). Eventually Tuath finished off the last of them with his “homemade” arrows that he learned to make from his sister while smoking weed next to a river….can't remember the story. But both monsters were down and we decided to retreat for the night. We reentered the camp the next day and Baric had the crazy notion of just summoning all of these creatures at once. Thus we banged on the ground to no avail. We entered the structure and boom there one emerged from it’s subterranean lair biting me as it shook the last pieces of earth and floor off it’s carapace. I tried to redeem myself to some degree by hitting it successive times with my great sword we all dispatching it together. We found Tybor Westor cowering in the next room ostensibly having hid there while his workmen were consumed by the beasts. Not sure if I can blame him or not, management always finds a way while the workers get screwed….I digress. I helped Baric bury what was left of workers then we headed back to town, Tybor in tow. It was an uneventful trip. More from town later. Ozzie--

8 orcs and a dwarf walk into an excavation……

After a day of slimes dropping on us Baric, Blithe, Tuath, and myself consulted with Norbus and Dazzlin about what to do after we cleared the ruins of these annoying gelatinous creatures. As we walked back into the altar room we found a crescent shape symbol on the floor. Now I have nothing against random symbols and shapes appearing here and there but our cleric, Baric (hey that rhymes!) decided his god needed to smite the thing to death with all things holy. It appeared to damage the floor and that was it while the elf then went ow #$%^%$ and held his neck. I had to roll my eyes at this for come on! Attention much? “We” decided we needed to bury the whole chamber again. After finishing a day of back breaking work shoveling and toppling I looked around to see that Tuath had conveniently disappeared into the woods to “make arrows” and “whatnot.” Typical. Also it seemed like Blithe’s personality had changed overnight. Maybe it’s the new relationship she seems to have forged with Tuath. I don’t like it for I find he is a bit too controlling on what she can do and say but maybe it’s just me. We settled in for the night. I dreamed of exotic and erot….er then the elf screeched, jarring me out of my slumber. We were being overrun, a din of shouts in dwarfish and orcish could be heard out the entrance of the excavation. I grabbed my javelins and my meager club and immediately shielded Baric from any harm, light or line of sight that could hurt his eyes. Then I spied through the door the ugliest fellow dwarf I have ever laid eyes on; running towards us with all his might. Javelins came out of the darkness and through the door like frantic ravens during migration. (Wow, poetic) I threw a my ready javelin, connecting with the lead orc at mid shoulder. Baric and I ran to and flanked the front door (sometimes my bravery astounds me) as additional orcs appeared out of the darkness. It’s all a blur from here as I missed….er I mean parried numerous blows but was hit several times, Baric then healed me before eventually going down. The homely dwarfs name was Balderdash and he along with Tuath started yelling instructions at me. I’m a seasoned veteran and didn’t appreciate they’re lack of appreciation for a good club but it was: “Use this handaxe, no use a great axe….” Baric even mumbled up from his state of unconscious: “Don’t step out of the dooooorwaay”. Wanting to get along with my group I went along and we eventually vanquished the what was eventually counted as 8 fetid orcs. Looting and more later.

Show me the money

After waiting for the cleric to “perform” his sunrise mass we left Phandalin on a sunny and clear morning heading north, no southwest, maybe east? I knew the way back to the excavation but still don’t know the direction. After a couple of days we found what and where we were looking for and entered the excavation. The fairly green Party seemed to need a lesson on how to light torches and whether they were needed in daylight or darkness but I plodded on ignoring them. I greeted my former acquaintances; Dazzling and Norbus; not really being friends. Forgetting that I had been sent for healing ointments I was soon reminded by my cohorts and thus forked over one of them. I was contemplating not giving it at all. After discussion we were soon conscripted into searching for a menacing slime that had plagued them for some time. Now I was more prone at this point to not only get money for our efforts but maybe even clunking these two jokers over the head and seeing what *they* had. But my law abiding compatriots and their forthright way of dealing with the world influenced me otherwise and we were doing it for the “adventure” of it. We soon ventured into the darkness, wandering wildly about until we got some semblance of a combat order. (In a closed space did you know an elf’s farts smell like lavender?) We found a secret door and a narrow hallway. I went first and we found very quickly what we were looking; soon vanquishing one colorless blob. We immediately thereafter had one fall onto my head as well as Baric’s. I started to attack my own noggin but was quickly reminded that it was better to swing at someone else head and not your own. It died quickly but my sword had started to corrode. Then we were astounded by a deft use of bagpipes that overcame the slimy beast by the ranger and it retreated where we soon pursued and dispatched it back in the main chamber. More to come.

Journeys Beginning

After spending years in the mines and military service I began my journey to find those of similar ilk to pursue my adventures late in life. I roamed for months until I was south of the town of Phandalin in the forest. I smelled the enchanting fragrance of roast meat over a fire. I followed my nose to within a mile of its source but heard a ruckus down by the local mill to the south of me. As I gazed over the pasture I spied and elf and two humans thus being set upon by a strange beast. I made a quick decision, checking to see that my 6 javelins were strapped tight and my broadsword was at my side, I ran toward the group as the human was run through by a spike coming from the animals tail. The beast was in flight as I threw my first javelin missing but exhilaration sent a chill over me. I was torn to either help what appeared to be a cleric thrashing on the ground in his death throes or move towards the melee and help vanquish the ugly creature. I chose the later as I tossed another javelin striking the it mid-flight. Huzzah! Being proud of myself as I approached the group just as it killed the animal. A wood elf with a dark and suspicious look on his face stepped into my path, shielding me from the party. Not being overly fond of elves I tried to remain patient and nonthreatening as I answered his questions. This group could be my key to adventure and I wasn’t going to screw that up. Tuath was the elves name, the unconscious human cleric was named Baric and the quiet human woman was named Blithe. A woman named Adabra rushed out of the mill and miraculously helped the cleric heal; bringing him back from near death. I grabbed a knife and a shovel to help dress and then bury what I found out was called a Manticora. Strangely the first thing the cleric did was say soft prayers over the dead animals grave. Utter nonsense which I usually would have said as such but uncharacteristically held my tongue. After helping the older woman fix her dwelling we headed back into the town of Phandalin. There I officially joined the party and at the inn we stayed for a couple of nights. Baric ever odd was up before dawn looking to hold a “service” for his god, beckoning loudly (to my annoyance so early in the morning) to have others join him. Tuath always had one eye on me and felt him watching me in my sleep. Blithe kept to herself but would find more about her story later. I couldn’t wait to leave this town…… Ottoz