Session 50: Paul of Duty

General Summary

As we hang around the port town, another ship docks beside ours. It's crew is the Sea Dragons, who are known for being skilled trackers and treasure hunters. We've apparently taken their spot as they visit here fairly often, but after some playful banter between both crews, they leave us be. After a day of hitting up the local bars and shops, we step into a magic shop that becomes the epicenter of disaster in under an hour. They've made the mistake of thinking that keeping an intelligent weapon on display is a good idea. The owner explains that the golden longsword is haunted by the spirit of a man named...Paul.
The sword is capable of speaking and is quite persuasive, but suffers from a superiority complex. Its goal in life is to defeat anyone who isn't a spellcaster and Paul reveals that he willingly turned himself into a weapon so death couldn't keep him from his mission. TT wants him, but Paul's a hefty expense that would cost her all of her gold and she'd still need to borrow some to cover the rest. She wants to turn him into a gun via the monkey's paw, but she's not sure if it's worth all of the risks that come with it. I encourage her to steal Paul and at the very least, we'll have a shit-talking sword for whoever needs it.
She won't have to lose any of her gold because I still have a single voodoo left. After TT manages to get a strand of the shopkeep's hair, we wind it around the doll. I bind its arms to its body with rope and cover its mouth, and shortly after, the shopkeep goes stiff and starts gasping for air. Amelia, who wasn't clued in on anything unfolding around her, is startled, but understands what's happening once TT strolls up and grabs Paul. With the monkey's paw, she gets lucky enough that her wish is granted, and Paul becomes an intelligent revolver. With nothing better to do and a crew still in need of equipment, Amelia kills the shopkeep so we can raid the rest of his shop in peace.
Unbeknowst to us, the Sea Dragons had begun their monthly raid of this specific port town and come banging on the shop's door. When they finally get the door open, they're surprisingly not upset about us hitting one of their marks. Instead, they invite us to join in the raid. We have our crew load up any weapons and armor to transport back to the ship and Amelia requests that they begin piling bodies nearby so she can turn them into zombie bombs. The issue of where she'll keep said zombies leads to an argument until Harvey suggests that she gets a bag of holding specifically for carrying corpses. It's a very gross, but efficient way of dealing with the problem.
Once the raid's concluded and the townsfolk have been chased out, we try to strike an alliance with our new friends. The Sea Dragons are definitely interested, so long as we're willing to do some trades with them. We agree to do so before it's time to set sail again. We celebrate the end of an eventful day with drinking games and gossip, which has me and Stabby's fling going public. Nathan suffers the seven stages of grief all in one sitting and leaves to go give Stabby a stern talking to. Like the dicks we are, we barricade the kitchen door behind him, telling them they're not allowed to come out until they settle their differences. With everyone being completely wasted, they're promptly forgotten about as all of us find better things to do with our time before passing out.

Related Reports

Session 49: This Ship Has Sailed

Report Date

15 Aug 2021