Session 13: Well Excuse ME, Princess
General Summary
Amelia departs on the enemy ship, working out her payment with them so they can drop her off on the shores of some other port town. She’s to go on a diving expedition and explore a cave for some treasure to pay them back, so with there still being a day of travel for her until they reach the landmark above said cave, she gets situated in her quarters and meets her new roommates. An interesting man with bronze skin and hair that seems to flicker like flames named Anayo and a snake-like lady named Lux. When they all ask her about why she’s in the predicament she’s in currently, she makes up a lie about how we mercilessly killed her boyfriend in front of her and then locked her in a cage with zombies. You know, just a typical Friday night for somebody out there.
But anyways, she’s somewhat sad to be leaving us all. So as one should always do in times of stress, take it out on your hair and ring in the emo new year. She has Lux assist her in dying her beautiful, rainbow hair that I spent a lot of time helping her maintain; jet black instead so if we ever cross paths with her, we won’t recognize her that well. After, she has some poor man’s dinner that only rubs in the fact she’ll never see us again and makes her miss our darling cook, Stabby. Basically, this entire day is a 90s sitcom montage of her time with us set to Green Day’s “Good Riddance” and if this were played in front of a live audience, this is the part where you’re all supposed to obnoxiously go “aaaw” and mail us angry letters for making you sad.
Come the next day, the enemy ship reaches the landmark and Amelia dives down into the waters and reaches the cave with Lux and Anayo. Meanwhile, the rest of us are messes in our own ways. Owkbanok is busy learning some new spells, but it’s hard when he’s entered Mom Friend Mode and is worried sick for our girl. I’m a little sad cuz I really thought me and Amelia were becoming good buddies, so now I’m trying to go through everything we have at our disposal to track her down. TT is also working on tracking her down, but she’s pissed as all hell and wants to stab Amelia for being a traitor and a coward. With some charts and TT’s navigation skills, we follow the path the enemy ship to a port town a day away, but when we reach land, there’s no sign of the ship or Amelia anywhere. We figure they must’ve dropped her off in the night and moved on, so we head on down and begin to argue over the fate of our buddy.
TT’s convinced she’s sold our secrets (what secrets??) to nobles and is gonna use as a scapegoat to save her own her ass, so she votes we stab her. Neither me nor Owkbanok wanna go stab happy on Amelia and would honestly like to have her back in the crew, so after some more arguing, we come to an agreement. We’ll bring her back on board, figure out what the hell happened, and beat her up. With this solid plan figured out, I decide it’s time to start whipping out some of my more disturbing magic to track her down. She made a very crucial mistake in leaving her bleeding skeleton, Romero, behind when she fled, so after ripping out his heart; I use it to cast carrion compass, which will take us to his leader. His heart is creepily animated and floats up to lead on, going right back out to sea, which wasn’t what any of us anticipated or wanted; but after some complaining, we file back onto the ship and hit the seas once more.
TT tries to say my pay should be docked for not whipping that spell out from the get-go, but I was worried it wouldn’t work over seas. I make a point for myself that such magic isn’t easy and when everybody who doesn’t use magic immediately has an opinion that states otherwise, most notably TT, I go ahead and rip out Romero’s new heart that he regenerated, slap it in her hands, and tell her to give it a go. She sneaks off to go invisible to try and pantomime this shit, but Owkbanok easily calls her out and it’s finally settled that it is indeed not easy to do and my paycheck is safe…for now. In the wise words of Celine Dion in a song made famous for a movie everyone pretends to enjoy; the heart does go on…and leads us to a rock, which it proceeds to slam into over and over again.
Amelia’s not in sight, so we take this to mean that she has been tossed away to a watery grave, but we still need to turn her body in for that reward money. As I grab the heart and throw it into the ocean, it dives on down, so we do the same; following after it as soon as we pull TT out of a rip tide. Back to present time where our timelines finally meet up, Amelia is standing in the cave with her new friends when in a disturbing turn of events, the heart shoots out of the water and slams into the back of her head. This understandably unnerves and startles not only Lux and Anayo, but her as well as she whips around to punch it and then sees the rest of us climbing back onto land. It’s a very awkward and tense reunion, TT jumping the gun and telling Amelia we’re here to arrest her, but Owkbanok clarifying that isn’t the case at all. After we catch onto too many of her lies, Amelia finally comes clean and tells us she left cuz she didn’t want to go back to her hometown of Carlo Rose or they’d have her killed.
She accidentally killed her father when her magic first manifested during an argument the two of them had. With Anayo and Lux trying to shove their way into the conversation and our patience wearing thin as we wanna take Amelia and run, Owkbanok kicks off the fight so we also take off with the treasure they claimed was down here. While Lux tries to stop the fighting at one point and urges us to make a truce, we’re all stuck in the heat of the moment and soon; she simply teleports her and Anayo away. We wanna chase them down, but we’re as injured as they were, so we head back to the ship to rest up and decide what our next course of action is. We’re not sure what to do about the fact that the lost princess is indeed our crewmate, so Owkbanok suggests we all just gather some of Amelia’s things to turn in and tell the nobles that that’s all that’s left of her and collect the reward. It’s straightforward enough, so we move onto the next issue. Treasure.
Lost in the cave somewhere and waiting for somebody to lay claims to it, so we decide that Nathan will go down as a “peace offering”. He’ll give them false potions of health that are actually acid and tell them that their ship sent him to help them out. While he does that, the rest of us will get into position to kill them both. Another simple plan, so it should go off without a hitch, right? Most of us get into position with no problem, but as Amelia goes to get ready, she trips on a rock and yells out; alerting both Anayo and Lux to our presence and they immediately start wailing on poor Nathan. Despite the earlier fight going terribly for us, we turn this one around and with Anayo slain, Lux races to his side and falls to her knees, accepting her fate. With an arrow to the head, she falls and we do as we do and l o o t t h a t s h i t.
It’s also apparently show and tell for demented ass spells today as Owkbanok goes and drinks a pint of Anayo’s blood to learn a spell from him. Could’ve been easier to swallow if he just asked the guy while he was alive, but you know what? If a man wants to drink a pint of another man’s blood for the pursuit of knowledge, who are we to fucking judge? Not one to be shown up like that however, I go and flay the skin right off of Lux’s back because with my magic, I’m gonna turn her ass into a treasure map. I assure you, this is all perfectly normal, I say as I roll that skin map up and tuck it away in my bag of holding. Even Amelia, the literal necromancer, is horrified by our joint display of the macabre. Before we leave though, she disguises Lux’s corpse as herself; flayed skin and all, just to throw the enemy crew off our trail and discourage them from following us.
Cuz really, who wants to go after the crew that apparently has blood-sucking half-orcs and tieflings with an affinity for making rugs out of flesh?
Character(s) interacted with
- Owkbanok
- Nathan Pell
- Amayo
- Lux
Report Date
28 Jun 2021
Primary Location
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