Are you a morning person, or more of a night owl?
People with secrets like to stay in darkness, so I like to catch them when it’s light.
What’s the first thing you notice about a person when you meet them?
Where do they try to stop their eyes going when they see me coming? That’s where they’re keeping whatever they want to hide.
You see a huge spider in your room, what do you do?
It’ll be in one of the traps, and I’ll take it for analysis.
If you could go back and change one decision you made in the past, what would you change?
I wouldn’t fall in love.Tell me about your first kiss.
Smelled like incense. Tasted like coffee and cloves. I thought she was the one thing in an ever-falling city that wasn’t yet fallen and the one thing on those mean streets that somehow wasn’t mean. It’s the only time I’ve ever been wrong about both.
Do you give people second chances?
The road to Alnar is paved with second chances. It’s my job to keep this city out of it.
Are you a cat person or a dog person?
Some of the best detectives I know are dogs. I employ many. But a cat… a cat knows the city like no-one else. A cat has the brain of a thief but the heart of a beggar. I understand dogs, but I know cats.
Do you think you’re attractive?
I’m not what I was. The jawline’s taken a beating and the skin’s grown tired with age.
What’s your worst habit?
Since I stopped drinking, everyone agrees it’s asking questions.
When was the last time you cried?
Early hours of Scrapday Thiefmoon, 1291. No, there’s no-one to corroborate.
Are you a good liar?
I am when I have to be, but I don’t often have to be. People always underestimate how tricky the truth can be.
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
When people lie to me.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Few people in my field haven’t. You’ve probably heard I’ve only been brought low twice in my career, and depending what you count that’s probably true, but yeah, the worst of them was by a woman, same as anyone else.
Are you more likely to use your fists or your words in an argument?
The people I deal with these days mostly call for words. It’s a pity. There’s something purer about using fists.
What’s something you’re naturally good at?
I don’t give up. And I don’t back down.
What’s something you had to work hard to be good at?
Not getting played.
Can you tell when someone is flirting with you?
I can tell when anyone’s flirting with anyone. Part of my job.
Do you think money can buy happiness?
Nothing buys happiness. But enough money can usually buy you the next-best thing.
Do you believe in destiny?
Everything in the world is part of the Beggar Man’s Gambit, even me.
Are you a good cook?
No, but I’m also a bad diner so it’s always worked out for me.
What do you think happens after you die?
They say the Beggar Man’s got a plan to get everyone who deserves it an eternity of paradise in the Garden. Most people prefer not to ask themselves what has to happen to everyone else in order to keep the garden a paradise for eternity. Some say there’s a place called Alnar, Salsabil’s dark secret: a rotten black star on the opposite sky somewhere far under our feet, and beyond that, the Well, which the souls too blackened to be scrubbed clean get dragged down into by the weight of their sin, never to escape. I’m not saying it’s true. I’m not a preacher. But you’ve got to ask yourself why this city full of sinners never stops sinking downwards.
Did you have to grow up fast?
I spent the first six years of my life as just-about the only human boy in the upper slums. Then I spent the next seventeen surrounded by the Honourable Company. There was a lot to learn to stay on top.
Who do you look up to?
I try not to look up to anyone so I don’t expose my throat to them. But all right: Kim Peel. Lord Captain Commander of the Honourable Company. I watched his inauguration, from a window behind my dad, about forty years ago. The Company hasn’t had a major security breach in his whole time so far. Can’t even say that about the Second Court.
When you go to a tavern, what do you order?
I stopped drinking ale in 1294. Now I mostly drink strong black coffee. I’ll take the Dwarven kind if they’ve got it.
What do you like most about yourself?
I am the law, and the law is what makes a city possible.
What do you like least about yourself?
I know I can be broken, and I know how.
Do you want kids someday?
I imagine I’m done with women, which makes more kids mechanically unlikely. But I’ll keep the three I’ve got.
Are you a planner or more spontaneous?
You’ll never know.
Can you keep a secret?
Oh, I can. But I only will when I need to.
Do you like being the centre of attention?
I’ve learned you can usually see more from a distance.
If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
I’d find the man who did it, and I’d make sure we died together.
Do you enjoy getting all dressed up for a special occasion?
I’m starting to get used to it. Fine clothes always feel harder to run or fight in, though.
Where do you feel safe?
Nowhere in the city, that’s for sure. I learned my lesson in 1291.
Do you love or hate being alone?
Wouldn’t you like to know.
What’s the last nightmare you remember having?
Incense and coffee and cloves.
Do you admit to mistakes when you make them?
Ask my wife.
Do you want to grow up to be like your parents?
My mother was a master of guile. My father was an intellectual genius. It’s my job to be both.
How do you deal with being sick? Are you stoic or super whiney?
I’ve been worse. I’ve always been worse.
What did your parents expect from you when you were born?
One didn’t know to expect anything. The other expected we could help each other make things right.
Do you have a strong sense of style?
Beggars can’t be choosers, heh.
Would you rather camp outdoors or stay the night in an inn?
Inns are easier to trap intruders in if they come knocking.
Is there a food that most people like but you absolutely hate?
I don’t really get steak. Or caviar. Or ceviche. A lot of noble foods seem to be too subtle for my palette. I do technically like alcohol, but not so much what it does.
Are you more of a hoarder or a minimalist?
My room is sparse. My mind is brimming.
Are you superstitious?
The Beggar plays tricks on us all.
Are you the kind of person who remembers people’s birthdays and pet’s names and stuff?
I’m the kind of man who remembers everything.
What do you do to feel better when you’re sad?
Work. I’d rather be sad in a cleaner city.
Is it hard for you to trust someone?
It is now.
Are you susceptible to peer pressure?
The city walls will break before I do.
If you decided to stop adventuring and settle down, what kind of job would you take?
Beggar. Heh.
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Rich. I grew out of it.
